Leave Cody Hodgson Alone

Cody Hodgson's not a bust! He's a human being!

The injury to Manny Malhotra has left the Canucks' third line in a state of disarray. It's a substantial hole, and the Canucks have struggled to fill it, promoting fourth-line centers such as Maxim Lapierre and Alex Bolduc, as well as converting wingers such as Jannik Hansen and Mason Raymond. All of these experiments have been met with mixed success. The answer, it seems, is evasive.

Tony Gallagher believes it's in the AHL. If the need is a natural center with some offensive talent, Gallagher (and many others) want to know why the Canucks haven't called up Cody Hodgson. Here's why: another Cody Hodgson recall won't help anybody. Not the Canucks, not Hodgson.

Right now, the best thing for everyone would be to leave Cody Hodgson alone.

A Little Motivation For Cody Hodgson

The Canucks are applying a little pressure to Hodgson, who has three games to prove his merit.

By now, you've probably heard the news that the Canucks made a minor roster adjustment this morning, sending Evan Oberg back down to the Moose and calling up Cody Hodgson in his place. For Canuck fans, it's good news all across the board, as Oberg's reassignment means that Dan Hamhuis will jump back into the lineup on Tuesday, and Cody Hodgson's second invitation means that the Canucks liked what they saw from him two weeks ago.

That said, they clearly weren't fully satisfied with Hodgson's play, or they wouldn't have reassigned him in the first place. Suffice it to say, the coaching staff wants to see more out of him, which is why Alain Vigneault applied some substantial supplementary pressure today by effectively telling Cody Hodgson, by way of the media, that he had three games to prove he should stay in Vancouver this season.

What Do You Want, Canucks Fans?

After Wednesday's loss against the Anaheim Ducks, the prevailing opinion amongst Canuck fandom was that the Canucks got outmuscled. This opinion could be heard from callers on the Team 1040, read on threads posted on Canucks.com, and absorbed by osmosis from articles written by Brad Ziemer (you wouldn't want to actually read them). This sudden outcry was simultaneously baffling and expected. Baffling, because the goals scored against the Canucks were largely due to breakdowns in defensive coverage and not being outmuscled along the boards or in front of the net. Expected, as Dan Hamhuis left the game after a borderline hit from Ryan Getzlaf and no one stepped up to fight him.

Never mind that none of the Canucks actually saw the hit happen. Never mind that it looks like a perfectly innocent hit until Hamhuis crumples to the ice. Never mind that there honestly wouldn't have been any point in fighting Getzlaf. The lack of response from the Canucks in that moment is apparently indicative of a team-wide lack of toughness.

Fine. Let's say I agree.

Ryan Kesler Is a Quiet Leader

The opening goal of Friday night's game versus the Blackhawks is scored when Christian Ehrhoff comes off the bench and immediately steps into a slapshot on the blueline. It beats Marty Turco cleanly. But here is something you might have missed:

We see, in clip above, Ryan Kesler turn back to the bench, seemingly disinterested in the goal that was just scored. He even commits the cardinal sin of leaving Ehrhoff hanging on a high five, instead coolly gesturing to the bench. Ignoring the immense sociological ramifications of being stiffed on a high five (even Gandhi couldn't handle it), what Kesler's issue here?

Well. Kesler takes his assistant captaincy very, very seriously. No time for silly high fives when there's leadership to be done.

It's important to note that this goal happens during a line change. In the IWTG, Skeeter pointed out that Cody Hodgson starts this play when he smartly puts the puck on net, low to Turco's pad, rather than dumping it in. Immediately after doing this, Hodgson initiates a line change and Ryan Kesler replaces him. But, because it's Hodgson's line that scores, Kesler foregoes celebrating the goal to ensure that Hodgson's role in it is acknowledged and the young centre doesn't miss the on-ice goal celebration. He immediately turns back to the bench and tells Hodgson to join his linemates.

It's a small thing, but it shows the selflessness and egality of the Canucks' core guys. It's an admirable moment of quiet leadership that undoubtedly meant a lot to young Hodgson.

Christian Ehrhoff, meanwhile, is still trying to to overcome the commensurate damage to his fragile psyche. Consider his turn as flail snail later in the same game: broken, he desperately tried to high-five Viktor Stalberg's face. Ironically, he may be on the precipice of the same dark times that Cody Hodgson has recently overcome. If you see him, give him a high five. He's one short.

Hat tip to Canucks.com forum member Hodgson99 for catching this one.

More of Cody Hodgson's Dark Times, With Hilarious Submissions By Readers Not Unlike You

If you're new to Cody Hodgson's dark times, I recommend you go back and read the original post that led to this one. If, however, you're averse to doing research just to get a pretty lame joke, here's a short primer: in an intermission segment about Cody Hodgson's injury troubles, the narration included the hyperbolic statement "The dark times have passed for Cody Hodgson." Skeeter and I started riffing on the phrase and its potential responses. Soon, a PITB-only meme was born. Here are a few original examples:

• Narrator: The dark times have passed for Cody Hodgson.
  Hodgson: It was a good pass, too. Tape-to-tape. I had the whole net to shoot at.
  

• Narrator: The dark times have passed for Cody Hodgson.
  Hodgson: I cast magic missile at the darkness. It didn't work very well.

As you can see, the joke has myriad possibilities, and the Bulie response to this joke was maybe (read: definitely) funnier than the original post. After the jump, proof that we have awesome readers:

I Watched This Game: Canucks at Coyotes, February 2, 2011

Canucks 6 - 0 Coyotes

As a Canucks fan, it is thoroughly disorienting to cheer for the best team in the league. Cheering for the Canucks and cheering for the #1 team in the NHL is like serving both God and Mammon. It creates a kind of cognitive dissonance. Take tonight for example: the Western Conference is extremely tight. A mere 5 points separate 4th place Nashville from 12th place Calgary. In this atmosphere, a 6-0 shellacking of a team in playoff contention would be greeted by giddiness and glorifying of various hockey gods for bestowing such good fortune upon the Canucks. Instead, the Canucks are so far ahead of the pack (a whopping 7 points up on 2nd place Detroit), that this solid victory is treated with placidity and calm: the Canucks won. I was entertained. I am pleased. I watched this game.

• Given the plethora of goals scored by the Canucks tonight, it seems fitting to, perhaps, mention them one by one so that we may revel in them. But first I shall point out an astonishing fact: the Canucks scored 6 goals tonight. Henrik Sedin had zero points. Daniel Sedin had 1 assist and now has 5 points more than his brother. Also an astonishing fact: the regal horned lizard shoots blood out of its eyes to defend itself from, incidentally, coyotes. Is this the blood that Daniel Sedin is out for?

• Alex Burrows scored the opening goal of the game, giving him a 4-game goal-scoring streak. Just like his goal last game against the Stars, this adequately demonstrated the Fourth Law of Sedinery: if the opposing team has a chance to clear the puck out of the defensive zone and instead gives the puck away to the Sedins, a Canuck goal is a foregone conclusion. It's a classic Burrows maneuver: head to the front of the net, get as close as humanly possible to the goalie, and look for the tip. The distance between his buttocks and Byzgalov's chest was approximately the width of a hadron.

• The second goal was scored by Jannik Hansen off a Lee Sweatt-created rebound. Sweatt looked significantly more comfortable on the ice tonight, getting good body position in puck battles and blocking 4 shots. His jump up into the rush on Hansen's goal was a well-timed piece of offensive defensivity. Of note, Hansen came directly off the bench to score the goal, with none of his linemates having yet made the change. Thus, Malhotra and Torres were the only Canucks to finish without a plus in their +/- column and both were largely invisible tonight.

• Incidentally, the sports bar Harrison and I went to tonight gave us hockey pucks with the numbers of Canucks on them. If they scored a goal, free booze. I got lucky number 36, so Jannik Hansen scored me a beer. If I ever get the chance, I'll have to buy him one. I'd start a hashtag, but #LetMeBuyYouABeerHansen just doesn't roll off the tongue. It's also vaguely creepifying.

• Cody Hodgson looked NHL-ready tonight. Yes, he scored his first NHL goal (seen above) with a nifty combination of puck strength, patience, and precision, but he also showed poise in the defensive zone, aggressiveness on the forecheck, and occasional surprising bursts of speed. Combine that with a respectable 4-for-7 night on faceoffs and one might be inclined to keep him on the roster for a few more games. Hopefully that one is Mike Gillis. He's actually the one who decides that.

• Seriously, though. What a fantastic goal. Ryan Kesler's first of his two goals, however, was even prettier. He dragged it around Adrian Aucoin like he wasn't even there. I was surprised Aucoin was. Quite frankly, I was surprised to be reminded he existed. Adrian Aucoin is still playing in the NHL? Wasn't he on a defensive pairing with Colin Campbell? How old is this guy?

• Mason Raymond played well and scored the fifth goal of the game on the kind of simple play he needs to make more often: he uses his speed to force all-star Keith Yandle into a rash decision then heads straight for the net, turning and getting in the perfect position to chip in the Samuelsson pass. After breaking out of a 9-game scoring slump with 2 points on January 24th, he cut short a new scoring slump by scoring another 2 points only 3 games later. Raymond, along with Kesler and Hamhuis, finished a game-high +4. That's more pluses than Pepsi Lime (only +3 to Will? Lame).

• And to cap things off, Kesler upped his goal total for the year to 30, marking the first 30-goal season of his career. This time he did all the work himself, picking a pocket, drawing a penalty, and sniping a corner. He seemed angry rather than celebratory after both his goals tonight and this post-game quote may shed some light: "I was kinda pissed about a couple things on the ice...I don't want to get fined so I don't want to say anything." It's a tribute to Kesler's growing maturity that he turned this anger into beautiful goals rather than post-whistle scrums.

• Luongo seemed incredibly pumped to see his shutout survive a last-minute powerplay for the Coyotes. Meanwhile, Tanner Glass was likely sweating in the penalty box desperately hoping that Luongo wouldn't have him kneecapped if Phoenix scored. I'm guessing he was almost as nervous as he is about his upcoming scrabble battle. How do you spell relief? Seriously, make sure you know. I before E. Harrison loves to challenge.

• I like Chris Tanev. Let's keep him.

• It may have just been the lackluster quality of the televisions at the sports bar, but the coyote at center ice seemed quite jaundiced. He should see a veterinarian about that.

• The Green Men revealed in our interview with the duo back in December that they would be taking their act on the road. Sure enough, they showed up right next to the penalty box in Phoenix; unfortunately, there were only 3 penalties and only one of them against the Coyotes. It didn't give them much of an opportunity to put on a show.

• And finally, the fans who showed up in Canucks jerseys with the sign saying "We're actually Coyotes fans. We just dressed this way to fit in" are my new favorite people.

The Dark Times Have Passed For Cody Hodgson

In case you just awoke from a hockey coma, you've probably heard that Cody Hodgson, prized prospect of the Vancouver Canucks, played his first NHL game yesterday. It's been a long time coming for Hodgson, who has overcome a boatload of misinformation, intrusive media coverage, rampant speculation and injury troubles just to get here. But now he's here, and we rejoice, not just because of what he had to go through, but because the hyperbole and panic surrounding Cody should subside.

During last night's game, Hodgson was featured in an intermission segment about his first NHL game which used the phrase, "The dark times have passed for Cody Hodgson," before making a cut to Hodgson for an uninteresting quote about injuries. I don't even recall what he said--I just remember thinking that Hodgson's follow-up sentence could have gone in so many better ways. Somehow, I expect a phrase like the dark times have passed to be followed up with a story about how someone overcame full-on vampirism. Imagine this exchange:

• Narrator: The dark times have passed for Cody Hodgson.
  Hodgson: I used to be a vampire.

Now that's some badass journalism right there. But that's just me. From where I'm sitting, it could have gone in so many better directions. After the jump, we envision the myriad possible responses to this open-ended lead-in:

I Watched This Game: Canucks at Stars, February 1, 2011

Canucks 4 - 1 Stars

It might be safe to say the Canucks are better than the Stars. It stands to reason. The Canucks have beaten the Stars in every single one of their three meetings this year (QED, bitches). In fact, Vancouver has outscored Dallas 15-3 in these contests (4-1, 7-1, and 4-1). From a Canucks' fan perspective, there's little to dislike. Really, the only thing about which you could gripe would be the team's inability to shut these guys out, and you know what? I'm gonna gripe about it. It's unacceptable, really. I'm downright sick of these bogus 59-minute efforts. Yet again, the crappy Canucks gave up a single craptastic goal to the craptacular Stars. Ridiculous. Anyway, I watched this game:

• The Stars were clearly motivated to seek some measure of revenge tonight, especially after coming apart in the two previous losses. For the first time in three games, they kept their heads, and tried, instead, to punish the Canucks with tough physical play. They sort of succeeded, too, registering 48 hits to the Canucks' 18, led by captain Brendan Morrow, with eight. That's a Michael Jackson to Jermaine Jackson ratio of hits. Thankfully, all the Canucks skated away without injury, save Aaron Volpatti, who left the game with bruised rib cartilage.

• The Sedins have taken a beating over their careers, and considering how much time they spend with their back to defenders, ripe to receive unlimited crosschecks, you'd think their spine was made of silly putty by now. Instead, they've simply gotten quite good at absorbing the blow. I noticed one play where Daniel Sedin actually backed into the crosscheck, and the perfect timing of it caught his defender off guard and caused him to lose his footing. It was sort of brilliant.

• With the massive hit advantage, the shots completely even and the scoring chances relatively even, you'd think the Stars would have fared better. But there's still special teams, where the Canucks have been good all season, and downright spectacular against Dallas. As Gord McIntyre points out, they're 8-for-15 in three games against the Stars this year. "I don't know why," said Henrik Sedin, when asked about this, "But we own a lot of teams." I believe he meant to say pwn.

• The great thing about the Canuck powerplay is that it can beat you a few different ways. They have a number of set down-low plays, plus the on-the-fly wizardry of the Sedins, but lately they've been getting it done with shots from the point. Mikael Samuelsson's goal came on a beautiful wrist shot from that weird spot on the ice just above the faceoff dot where it's against the rules for the goalie to try to save it if it's a power play. Christian Ehrhoff's was your basic blistering slapper.

• Speaking of Ehrhoff, I'm going to be honest: If Samuelsson has to replace one of the point men on the power play, I much prefer he steps in for Alex Edler. Edler's a better passer than Ehrhoff, but he's not nearly as mobile. Edler's typically the static defenseman on the five-man unit, and that's a much easier vacancy to fill than Ehrhoff's specialized roamer role. Recall how the Canucks' power play suffered when Ehrhoff was out with the ear injury. With Edler out, they didn't miss a beat.

• Speaking of defencemen, let's talk about Dan "Community Man" Hamhuis. He blocked a whopping seven shots tonight, and still found time to block two more in a charity basketball game for at-risk youth. He played a game-high 24:38, and, as usual, you hardly noticed him.

• Am I the only one who's completely blown away by Lee Sweatt and Chris Tanev? Sweatt showed fabulous improvement in his second NHL game, playing physically and looking stronger on the puck than the game before the break. He threw three hits and blocked two shots in 14:53 of ice time. Chris Tanev, meanwhile, looked incredible in his 17:04 of playing time. I was especially impressed with one play where he went into the corner, drew two forecheckers, then made a calm, crisp outlet pass before absorbing the hit. His patience is remarkable. People were making a big deal about Cody Hodgson being the first Mike Gillis draft pick to make the NHL, but let's not downplay the GM's ability to find NHL quality talent elsewhere. Sweatt's a European signing, and Tanev was a free agent out of college. Considering any team could have signed these guys, Gillis deserves credit for the fact that they're on the Canucks right now.

• Speaking of Cody Hodgson, it was nice to see him come out of this game without having to make an appointment with a medical specialist of some sort. It was a pretty quiet first night on the stat sheet for Cody, but if you want to raise an eyebrow, consider that he was 2-for-9 in the faceoff circle. That's not good, but the real story here is the fact that he took so many. Alex Bolduc was getting two a game on a good night. Is tonight the most faceoffs a Canucks' 4th-line center has taken in one game this season? I think it might be. Anyhow, apart from this, I thought Hodgson was only all right. At times, he looked slow, but he looked smart, and he looked skilled. He also looked a bit like Charlie Conway, captain of the Mighty Ducks. He should get right out in front of things and tell Alain Vigneault to stay the Hell away from his mom.

• Before you get on Cody for the faceoffs, by the way, all the Canucks were terrible tonight in this regard. Their best guy was Henrik Sedin, who went 8-for-17. The team went 36% on draws. All-Star hangover? Kesler and Henrik still have to readjust to the other guy caring who wins the faceoff.

• You've got to feel for Dallas a little on the shorthanded goal (above). After cutting the lead in half, Loui Eriksson gets a pass in a good area and looks poised for another great shot. Instead, the puck jumps, sending the Canucks the other way on a two-on-one. Pay special attention to Jannik Hansen's fake, which freezes Stephane Robidas and allows Hansen to space out the rush. Robidas knows that Kesler is streaking down his blind side, so when Hansen suggest an early pass, you know Robidas is worried that Kesler's about to blow by him. He backs up a little. Instead, Hansen keeps it, now with room to go wide, and the eventual saucer pass to Kesler is a beauty. This goal was a huge backbreaker, although not as huge a backbreaker as The Big Show's Cobra Clutch Backbreaker.

• Cory Schneider was good, but this is no longer a new and interesting story. He's always good against the Stars. Stars of any kind, actually. Even Space Jam's MonStars would be no match for Cory Schneider. He should team up with Ben Affleck to form an intergalactic crime-fighting duo: Moonraper and Starcrusher.

• Brilliant observation from Daniel's wife, Rachael: when the announcer says "no score," he is incorrect. The score is 0-0. Instance where the phrase might be acceptable: when the press box runs out of Skor.

• And finally, how weird was it to have such a pitiful attendance? Granted, this had everything to do with a Dallas snowstorm that made it difficult to get to the arena, but still. At times, it gave the game an eerie sound, as the crowd noise was chillingly muted. I'm not sure who had a harder time with it: broadcast guys, who sounded nonplussed by the quiet, the production staff, who couldn't seem to stay away from depressing crowd shots, or the events staff, who clearly printed more "Crush the Canucks!" posters than they needed. They had so many, even, that they were giving them to Canucks fans. One little girl had folded over the "Crush the" portion and was proudly waving a sign that said "Canucks!" That girl is a genius.

Running Out of Time, Canucks Call Up Cody Hodgson

Surprise news this morning, as the Canucks announced that they had called top prospect Cody Hodgson up from the Manitoba Moose. Hodgson will be meeting the team in Dallas, and Ian Walker has tweeted that he'll likely play, suiting up as the fourth-line centre and bumping Tanner Glass back to his natural position on the wing.

Fans are excited to see Hodgson finally make his regular season debut with the Canucks, but they're also a bit confused by the timing. Hodgson is recovering from a broken orbital bone that caused him to miss six weeks, and is still wearing a full shield to protect his face.

Worse, in four games since returning to the Moose lineup, Hodgson has 0 goals, 0 assists, and is a minus-2. This from a guy that was the Moose leading scorer before his injury. He's had 10 shots, but if he's not scoring and he's not coming down on the plus side, fans are right to wonder: why now?

In truth, it's either now or never (never being next season). I would wager that the team was days away from calling Hodgson up before he broke his cheekbone, and that the timing of that injury couldn't have been worse. Now, they can't afford to wait any longer.

The Dreaded Two-Goal Lead: Cody Hodgson Broke His Face

Canucks news comes fast and furious, and sometimes we find ourselves playing catchup. Thankfully, the Dreaded Two Goal Lead--often called "the worst lead in hockey"--is super easy to come back from. Everybody knows it's a guaranteed death sentence for those that hold it. Well, much like an ice hockey team coming from two goals down, PITB will now effortlessly catch up.

• Cody Hodgson Breaks His Face

Another day, another reason to panic about Canucks' top prospect Cody Hodgson. Fresh off a string of positive results and reports, the young center's luck took another negative turn when he took a high stick to the face in practice. Things got even worse when it turned out he had a chip and a crack in his orbital bone. And, since it wouldn't be a Cody Hodgson story without a smattering of uncertainty and a vast array of conflicting reports, nobody's sure whether he'll be undergoing a facial surgery that would keep him out long-term or hoping it heals naturally so that he can return to the lineup in two weeks or so, in full face-shield. Word is he's going for the non-surgery option, but if it doesn't heal properly, he'll have to undergo the surgery anyhow, just two weeks delayed. It's complicated. Once again, the situation required a specialist's opinion. Tip to aspiring specialists: befriend Cody Hodgson. He'll call a lot.

• Canucks sign Darren Archibald

You've probably never heard of Darren Archibald, and that's because, like John Wayne, he was never drafted. Archibald's potential probably tops out as a third-line winger, but any time the Canucks get a guy with NHL potential for free, it's tough to complain. Not impossible. Just tough. Archibald, a 20-year-old from Newmarket, Ontario, is a 6'3", 195 lb. left winger with his own Hockey Fights page, so you know he's got power forward potential. He's also got 51 goals and 57 assists in 125 games with the OHL's Barrie Colts, so you know he can score a little. Word is that he's a "complete player," which is nice, although that term can also be a nice way to say he isn't particularly good at anything.

Surprise Moves for Joel Perrault and Jonas Andersson

Jonas Andersson might be okay at hockey.

The Canucks announced today that Joel Perrault has been re-assigned to the Manitoba Moose. This in itself was surprising, as the 4th line had shown steady improvement with Perrault in the lineup and it was assumed by many that he had earned his spot as the 4th-line center and would need a few games of poor play to lose it. Instead, it appears that Alexandre Bolduc, who re-joined the team as an emergency call-up last game, will slot back in immediately.

The second surprise was the player called up from the Moose to replace Perrault: Jonas Andersson. Many Canucks fans will simply respond with "Who?" and it's difficult to blame them. Andersson had a cup of coffee at the NHL level with the Nashville Predators...8 years ago. This season for the Moose was his first in North America since 2003, spending the intervening years in Sweden, Finland, and Belarus. He re-signed with the Predators in the offseason but was packaged up with Ryan Parent in the Shane O'Brien trade. Unlike Victor Oreskovich, who got a lot of attention as the throw-in player in the Keith Ballard deal, no one paid any attention to Andersson, which is entirely understandable. Oreskovich played 50 games for the Florida Panthers last season; Andersson played 30 games with HC Dinamo Minsk.

Instead, it's been Andersson that has been more impressive with the Moose this year, combining size, speed, and skill in the top-six and putting up 6 points in 12 games, most recently scoring 2 points in 4 games last week. Meanwhile, Oreskovich has slipped below management's radar: he hasn't scored a goal since October 16th and has no points since November 12th.

With Mikael Samuelsson out of the lineup with a "mild" concussion, it's possible that Andersson could make the jump to the third line with some strong play. JJ Guerrero at Canucks Hockey Blog had speculated that we might see Cody Hodgson called up in place of Samuelsson, but it seems that the Canucks will prefer him to spend a longer period of time with the Moose and only give him a call if they have need of a center.

This is Not a Story: Cody Hodgson Edition

Don't worry, Cody, not all Canucks fans are drama queens.

The latest Canucks "news" making waves throughout the media is the drama surrounding whether Cody Hodgson will appear in the Young Stars Tournament that starts this Sunday. The Team 1040 has reiterated every single "Sports Update" the news that Cody Hodgson will be undergoing a medical evaluation by the Canucks and may not participate in the tournament at all! What terrible news! But what if the news you're reporting isn't actually news?

The Province's Canucks blog, The White Towel, initially made a fuss about Cody Hodgson not being in Vancouver yet, an absurd complaint as he's finishing a training regimen with Gary Roberts, who's swiftly become one of the most respected NHL trainers after some impressive results from Steven Stamkos last season. But that's not where the problems started. The issue arose from this quote from Laurence Gilman:

“For any player, we want to make sure he's fit to play,” said Gilman. “We haven't had a chance to conduct a (recent) medical evaluation (on Hodgson).”

This rather innocent quote is what started it all. The Team 1040 has been "reporting" every hour the alarming "news" that Cody Hodgson may not participate in the Young Stars Tournament until he passes a medical evaluation. The Kurtenbloggers took the opportunity to rehash every twist and turn in the Hodgson story, because of this latest "news."

So why is this not a story? Because every single prospect will be undergoing a medical evaluation before participating in prospects camp. Cody Hodgson is not undergoing some out of the ordinary medical evaluation because of his back problems last season; it's the same medical evaluation that all of the Canucks prospects will be participating in. Here's a relevant quote from the prospect camp press release:

27 players are scheduled to report to Rogers Arena on Friday, September 10th for pre-training camp medicals and testing.

That's right: 27 players are scheduled for pre-training camp medicals and testing. Twenty-seven. Not just Hodgson. Clearly, Gilman was asked a question specifically about Hodgson and he responded with the truth, that he would be undergoing the standard medical evaluation before participating in training camp. He even specified that they would do the same "for any player."

This is not a story. Stop trying to make it one.