I Find This Video Odd: Ryan Kesler Is Addicted to Ruining Interviews

At least he kept his shirt on this time, but I feel he's overcompensating. All we ask, Kesler, is that you wear the minimum amount of clothing required to buy Doritos at a Chevron. Luongo's mask is overdoing it.

Luongo's pretty superstitious about his masks. He briefly switched to a new one before deciding it brought bad luck and switching back to the one Kesler sports in the above video. Kes has better hope the magic remains, otherwise this stops being a hilarious running joke and becomes a motive for felony assault.

Here's my newest theory: this is all part of a brilliant plan to change the perception that Ryan Kesler is a tad overserious. It would work if it weren't for how committed Kesler is to appearing in the background of every interview. He clearly takes interview bogarting very seriously.

I Find This Video Odd: Ryan Kesler, Topless Pizza Delivery Guy

Here is a video from Canucks.com of Raffi Torres doing a postgame interview with Kristin Reid. It's not interesting. For about twelve seconds, that is. And then, a shirtless Ryan Kesler emerges from behind a curtain, chowing down on some za, altogether too pleased with his lingering, nippletastic, pizza-devouring self. First, he just peers. Then he creeps. He gets progressively closer and closer to Raffi as the video goes on. I imagine he's humming the theme from Jaws the whole time.

And then, after standing directly behind Torres for a full minute, he offers Raffi some pizza. Raffi curtly says "No thanks", and half-naked Kesler disappears from the frame.

I'm interested in what Kesler would have done if Raffi had said yes. I'm fairly certain he just ate the only slice of pizza he had. Unless he's Donald Duck, no clothes means no pockets. Also, what is this? A dirty movie? If you want to deliver pizza, wear a shirt.

Cut from the interview: Raffi explains that Kesler is only comfortable without a shirt if he's a holding a piece of pizza. They had to photoshop the slice out of the RK17 shoot.

I Find This Video Odd: Short Poems by Roberto Luongo

The following video is a TSN intermission feature that, for some incredible reason, actually happened. What the heck? More than likely, Luongo read Qris's limericks and was inspired. Or maybe my sonnet to Tanner Glass. It is a certainty that PITB is ushering in a new era of Canucks poetry.

I don't really have much to say about what you're seeing. There's simply no need to funny it up; it's already hilarious. My favorite turn of phrase: "ballet on blades, redheaded blaze." But, the best poem by far is the Ode to Dustin Byfuglien, quoted in its entirety below:

Human eclipse

Rhinoceros hips

Who will laugh last when I slash your calf?

Bring me peace, make it cease

Get your big ass out of my crease

Luongo has a great sense of humour and I love that he's able to riff on some of these subjects. The Byfuglien one and the shootouts one in particular are topics a grumpier Luongo--maybe even last season's Luongo--was not in the right frame of mind to laugh about. This was great to see. Watch it twice. This is classic stuff.

It was definitely gutsy for Luongo to agree to do this feature for this game, against the Blackhawks. You know that if the Canucks had lost, we would be questioning Louie's commitment to winning right now. That line of thinking is the pinnacle of idiocy, and thankfully the Canucks won and it's a moot point. Perhaps the injection of levity helped the Canucks play loose?

Anyway, hopefully this isn't the last interesection of the Canucks and the world of the poets. I still want to see Alex Burrows spit some some slam poetry like my man Saul Williams.

I Find This Video Odd: Post-Game Pantsing

This is the video of the surprisingly subdued celebration following the Canuck's 7-2 drubbing of the befuddled Flames. There's no awesome dancing, wacky hijinks, or overt goofiness. Just a bunch of professional hockey players behaving in a pleased, yet professional manner: removing equipment, chatting cheerily, and smiling pleasantly.

Except for at the 10 second mark, where Ryan Kesler appears to attempt to pants Tanner Glass like they were in a middle-school hallway, with Kesler playing the role of the jerkish jock with a need to be the center of attention and Glass the poor defenseless nerd desperately trying to keep hold of his stack of books without having his undergarments displayed to the girl he's had a massive crush on from afar all school year. That seems like a mistake. Even though Tanner Glass plays scrabble, reads dystopian fiction, and graduated from Dartmouth with a degree in History, all hallmarks of nerdity, he is a far cry from the platonic form of nerd. I have a sneaking suspicion that Kesler realized that Glass could probably beat him up, and stopped short of completing his pantsing motion, instead passing it off as a good-natured joke, akin to the friendly athletic butt-tap he gives Mason Raymond later on.

So I suppose there were a few jinks to be had post-game, though their height was middling at best, around the height of Muggsy Bogues as opposed to Manute Bol. I demand that my Canucks post-game jinks be higher!