I Watched This Game: Canucks at Flames, April 10, 2011

Canucks 3 - 2 Flames (OT)

For the third time in the last four years, the Canucks and Flames found themselves paired up for game 82 with little on the line. Considering the lopsided outcome of the previous two season-enders, with the Flames walloping the Canucks 7-1 in 2008 and the Canucks matching that goal total in a 7-3 rout last year, one might have assumed that this contest wouldn't be lively or close. But it was. Like extramarital sex with a ghost, this one was a spirited affair. After falling behind by two, Vancouver needed a third-period comeback and an overtime marker from Christian Ehrhoff to head into the postseason on a winning note. I watched this game:

• Also a winning note: C.

• Just like last year, Daniel and Henrik combined for an absolute beauty in the final game of the season, setting up Ryan Kesler for the game-tying goal (above). This one adhered to the Third Law of Sedinery, which says that the Sedins will always make one more pass than is necessary. Consider: Daniel is in behind the defense. Most other players cut to the net in this instance for what is routinely called a breakaway. Instead, Daniel goes wide, drawing both defenders to him, then makes a backpass through four guys to Henrik, who finds Kesler trailing the play. Seriously. The Sedins are the only guys that find trailers on breakaways. These guys love trailers. They have to be a half hour early for every movie, that's how much they love trailers.

• The assist was Daniel Sedin's second of the night, after a centring pass that allowed Alex Burrows to cut the lead in half. With that, Daniel finishes the season with 104 points, good for the Art Ross trophy. He truly was out for blood. Now, it may be eight less than his brother scored last season, but it's also ten more than his brother scored this season. Suck on that, Henrik.

• I love Kevin Weekes' liberal use of the word literally. He's like Rob Lowe in Parks & Recreation. Consider this Weekes-ism, following an early third-period assault from the Canucks: Alain Vigneault obviously did some fine work in this intermission because the Canucks have come out on fire literally. Hmm. I can tell you that, if the Canucks came out from their locker room and they were literally on fire, the broadcast would have taken a markedly different turn.

• There were seven slashing penalties in this game. Seven. Seven! This one had more slashes than a complicated URL. The worst of these was a Henrik Sedin two-hander that seemed relatively out of character Captain Hook, typically known for more passive stick infractions. Slashing is more of Mikael Samuelsson's thing. Now, one might argue that, if Sammy's so slashy, how come he wasn't called for a slash in this slashiest of games? Remember that his third period roughing penalty came when he was pulled out of a scrum he started with a slash. Yes, Mikael Samuelsson slashes like Wal-Mart. Know what else has a lot of slashes? This paragraph. Slash slash slash.

• Alex Burrows isn't known for his skating, but it's hard to miss his improvement in this area. It really stood out during a first period penalty kill, where he won a puck battle, then took the puck around his net and blew the zone with possession. Then, after putting a shot on goal, Burrows managed to be the first forward back, in perfect position to intercept a weak pass from Olli Jokinen. Some beautiful strides during this sequence. For a guy who used to look like he was the only player on the ice wearing roller blades, Burrows has come a long way.

• That said, he's still Alex Burrows. Consider a third period altercation with Jarome Iginla where he goaded Iginla into dropping the gloves, only to forget to reciprocate. Whoops. I suspect Burrows' passion for winning turds stems from the fact that he sort of is one.

• It was fabulous to see all six members of the Canucks' defense finally combine to form Mega Dragonzord. They were a little too reliant on stretch passes last night, but the promise of this group is hard to ignore. Any one of them can spring a guy at any time. Another good way to spring a guy? Have a girl walk in with an itty-bitty waist and a round thing in your face.

• Congratulations to Christian Ehrhoff on collecting his 50th point of the campaign on the overtime winner. Ehrhoff has had a fabulous season, and now becomes the first Canucks' defenseman in 15 years to reach the 50-point plateau. Henrik Karlsson was upset about the goal, feeling he'd been interfered with. Unfortunately, the refs didn't buy it, maybe because claiming Mason Raymond interfered with you is a little like claiming Jesus drank all the wine.

• Aaron Rome actually didn't look too bad playing wing on the 4th line. He had 3 shots, 4 hits and a takeaway, as well as a few decent scoring chances. In truth, Rome acquitted himself nicely enough that this could potentially be an option in the playoffs. It might be a nice way to ensure that the Canucks don't find themselves, after an injury, playing with five d-men in the late stages of an important game. Sidenote: at one point, I was concerned Rome's strong play might earn him a few extra shifts, somehow managing to give him more minutes than Keith Ballard, even as a fourth-line winger.

• There was a brief scare during the first period, when Ryan Kesler headed to the dressing room with an apparent knee injury. Mind you, you had to know he was coming back. When I was a child, I had a posable MC Hammer doll, and my brother popped off its legs, then reattached them backwards, so Hammer's knee bent up towards his stomach. If that had happened to Kesler's knee, he would still have returned. Rule of thumb: if Kesler doesn't leave the game via medicopter, he'll be back soon.

• This was Cory Schneider's 25th appearance of the season, and by allowing fewer than eight goals, he has officially won a share of the Jennings trophy with Roberto Luongo. Schneider's play this season has been fabulous, but I hope this was his last game as a Canuck. A playoff appearance means something has gone horribly wrong, and a return as Lou's backup next season would be beneath him. One could easily argue Schneider is the best rookie goalie in the NHL. He finishes fifth in the league with a 2.23 goals against average, and his .929 save percentage is good for third. In fact, his performance last night bumped his save percentage one point better than Luongo's, dropping the Canucks' starter to fourth in the category. This parting blow may affect Luongo's outside shot at a Vezina nomination, as the "top three in wins, GAA, and SV%" argument is now dead. Think Luongo regrets lobbying for Schneider to get 25 appearances now?

• And finally, someone threw a salmon onto the ice again. Clearly, no one is listening to me.

Cory Schneider Needs to Play Two More Games

The William M. Jennings Trophy is awarded annually to the goalies for the team that allows the fewest goals against. The Vancouver Canucks have allowed 181 goals this season, three fewer than the Boston Bruins, who have four games remaining to the Canucks three. If the Canucks can avoid ugly performances like Saturday's flop, there's a good chance that the Canucks goalies will take home the prize.

Or rather, Roberto Luongo will take home the prize.

I Find This Video Odd: Ryan Kesler Is Addicted to Ruining Interviews

At least he kept his shirt on this time, but I feel he's overcompensating. All we ask, Kesler, is that you wear the minimum amount of clothing required to buy Doritos at a Chevron. Luongo's mask is overdoing it.

Luongo's pretty superstitious about his masks. He briefly switched to a new one before deciding it brought bad luck and switching back to the one Kesler sports in the above video. Kes has better hope the magic remains, otherwise this stops being a hilarious running joke and becomes a motive for felony assault.

Here's my newest theory: this is all part of a brilliant plan to change the perception that Ryan Kesler is a tad overserious. It would work if it weren't for how committed Kesler is to appearing in the background of every interview. He clearly takes interview bogarting very seriously.

Cory Schneider on After Hours, PITB Remains Famous

As though he weren't already doing enough to make himself eminently desirable to other organizations, here's Cory Schneider on After Hours, proving he's a downright fabulous interview to boot. Turns out he's as great in front of the camera as he is in front of the net. He's open, he's honest, and he's funny. For example: when asked about his days playing baseball, he deadpans, "I played catcher, so I must have some sort of equipment fetish." And if dry wit's not your flavour, he even does... wait for it... impressions. Yes, you heard correctly. Cory Schneider's Jannik Hansen impression is deadly accurate, and therefore hilarious.

This interview also marks the second time Scott Oake has read a Pass it to Bulis tweet to an interviewee (after the Brendan Morrison sitdown from late October). We are so famous. The question in question, at 7:52 of the clip: "Ask Schneider if he's ever considered putting laxative in Luongo's water, like Dany Sabourin did to get some playoff minutes."

Schneider's a pretty solid sport, again deadpanning a humorous response: "You never get your hands dirty. You gotta have someone else do it for you. You gotta stay away from the crime scene."

It was a solid night for Canucks' tweeps overall, as @Bieksa_Luvver3, @Guts_Mctavish24, and @TheFalconer all had questions read on-air as well. The Falconer's was my favourite, as it led to the Jannik Hansen impression I had no idea existed. We might need to pick his brain in the future, as he appears to know a lot of things we don't. Who are you, Falconer? Are you Batman?

I Watched This Game: Canucks at Wild, February 15, 2010

Canucks 4 - 1 Wild

With tonight's victory over the Minnesota Wild, the Canucks successfully staved off their first

two-game regulation losing streak since November, when they went three straight games without collecting a point against Pittsburgh, Chicago, and Phoenix, in that order. Again: that was in November. This stat, incredible as it is, never seemed more in jeopardy than heading into tonight's game. And, unlike Watson the computer, it had every right to be in jeopardy: the six-man defensive unit iced by the Canucks tonight was about as green as a Lamborghini Murcielago; the team was playing in a very unfriendly building; the Canucks were on the second night of a back-to-back. Yet, somehow, they won. Breaking news: this team is resilient. Also breaking: I watched this game:

• Outshot, outhit, and outplayed for the second night in a row, the Canucks submitted a pretty paltry effort, even going so far as to play the entire third period without putting a shot on Nicklas Backstrom. They had 14 shots total. Like the movie Crash, they didn't deserve to win anything, but somehow, they did. Unlike the movie Crash, however, the Canucks did it with a pretty thin cast.

• If you're wondering how, exactly, the Canucks eked this one out, look no further than Cory Schneider, the Canucks' backup netminder, who stopped 28 of 29 shots on the night to keep the Canucks in it. Having watched Schneider for awhile now, I feel fairly confident in saying that he's going to be a very good goaltender for a long time. He does two things incredibly well: the first is getting in position to make the save. The Wild tried all night to get him moving side to side, but Schneider always seemed to be in the right position to take the puck squarely on the chest. The second thing he does well is sweep the puck away with his goal stick. I don't remember the last time a Canuck goaltender was as active clearing pucks out of his crease. Schneider is turning himself into a very hot commodity. I should say that it seems a downright shame to be salivating simply at Schneider's trade value (the NHL equivalent of Grampa Simpson's classic "I can't wait to eat that monkey" quote), but that's where this is headed.

• The only downside to any Canuck victory against Minnesota is the inevitable "Canucks Tame Wild" headline. We get it. It's been done. You can do better, everyone. May I recommend: "Canucks Poach Wild", "Canucks Stuff and Skin Wild", "Canucks Put Wild in Small Cage and Allow Flash Photography" or, if the Canucks are at home, "Canucks Abuse Wild Domestically."

• Any hope of easing Sami Salo back into the lineup went out the window when the rest of his defensive cohorts fell down that mine shaft, but he's proved capable of the big minutes almost right away, and begun producing immediately. Salo played over twenty minutes tonight, picking up an assist for the second straight game when his powerplay point blast was tipped by Manny Malhotra. I like that the Canucks are playing Salo on the second unit of the powerplay, and resisting the urge to float him to the top spot in Alex Edler's absence. Salo has immediately improved the B unit with his threatening shot, the unit scoring in two of the three games since he's been back. Interestingly, both times, the goal was the first of the game and the Canucks went on the win.

• Do people in Minnesota wear anything other than flannel and fleece? HD TV indicates that they do not.

• Ryan Kesler's empty-net goal was the Canucks' only shot of the period, and a source of a triple upstaging. 1) The Canucks upstaged the Wild by scoring the empty-netter. 2) Alex Burrows missed the open net for a goal that would have extended his league-leading point streak, then Kesler upstaged him from further away. 3) John "King Homer" Garrett made a passionate case for Burrows receiving a point, claiming he may have touched the puck when it came off the boards. It was not to be. However, Christian Ehrhoff then upstaged John Garrett by making a passionate case for himself: This, from a Michael Russo tweet: "Hilarious, but Christian Ehrhoff is begging for assist on empty-netter. Hit his shin pad. The off-ice officials having passionate debate." Ehrhoff got that assist. Everyone was upstaged tonight.

• The reunited third line of Manny Malhotra, Raffi Torres, and Jannik Hansen combined for the Canucks' second goal, and it was great to see that line create offense for the second night in a row. This has been our most successful third line trio, and I'm of the mind that you keep it together now, no matter what. Let them work through their problems as a unit, like Ashton Kutcher and Cameron Diaz in What Happens in Vegas. It will be a lot easier when Malhotra has games like tonight. Manny finished the night with a goal, an assist, and a +50% faceoff percentage.

• Say you're Alain Vigneault: what do you do when your team is exhausted and your defense corps is decimated? You hand the keys to your two Selke-calibre centers and you instruct them to trap the Hell out of the mother. Manny Malhotra and Ryan Kesler both took 28 shifts, game-high among forwards, as well as taking twenty faceoffs apiece. For contrast, Henrik Sedin took only eleven. In fact, Vigneault played the Sedins sparingly, only skating Daniel Sedin for 15:55. Kesler and Malhotra did what Selke-calibre centers do, winning faceoffs, making the smart, defensive play (which, in this case, was chipping the puck out of the zone), and pitching in a goal and an assist each. Suffice it to say, Vigneault's decision to ride these guys worked. I tell you all of this so that, if anybody tells you the Wild play a boring system, you can point out that it was the Canucks, in fact, who turned this one into a snoozefest. The Wild play a fairly uptempo system these days.

• Apart from one ugly giveaway, I hardly noticed Yann Sauve at all. Good.

• Martin Havlat somehow managed to finish the game minus-3. This is especially cathartic when you recall the defensive acumen he appeared to have in the Canucks last visit to Minnesota. Q: Martin Havlat is defensively sound. A: False.

• When did Cal Clutterbuck become amazing? The NHL's next great agitator did it all for the Wild tonight, scoring their only goal and narrowly missing on a number of other great chances, and getting away with a couple cheapies by high-sticking Christian Ehrhoff and butt-ending Henrik Sedin. Guy's a total jerk, but wow, is he good. And what a name. If I didn't so wish a pox on him, I'd think he was pretty fantastic.

• Christian Ehrhoff had four blocked shots tonight. It's gone completely unnoticed, but Ehrhoff has become a major shot-blocker in a very short time. Last year, in 80 games played, Ehrhoff had 82 blocked shots. This year, he's tied with Kevin Bieksa for the team lead at 81. He's done this in only 55 games played. Yes sir, Ehrhoff is singlehandedly taking this team to Blockoland.

• And finally: Mikael Samuelsson has improved on a lot of things since the All-Star break, but if I can highlight one, it's been his ability to find space to get his shot off. Watch him drift into the open area on the Canucks' third goal. Not since Fast & The Furious: Tokyo Drift have I seen drifting of this magnitude.

I Watched This Game: Canucks at Stars, February 1, 2011

Canucks 4 - 1 Stars

It might be safe to say the Canucks are better than the Stars. It stands to reason. The Canucks have beaten the Stars in every single one of their three meetings this year (QED, bitches). In fact, Vancouver has outscored Dallas 15-3 in these contests (4-1, 7-1, and 4-1). From a Canucks' fan perspective, there's little to dislike. Really, the only thing about which you could gripe would be the team's inability to shut these guys out, and you know what? I'm gonna gripe about it. It's unacceptable, really. I'm downright sick of these bogus 59-minute efforts. Yet again, the crappy Canucks gave up a single craptastic goal to the craptacular Stars. Ridiculous. Anyway, I watched this game:

• The Stars were clearly motivated to seek some measure of revenge tonight, especially after coming apart in the two previous losses. For the first time in three games, they kept their heads, and tried, instead, to punish the Canucks with tough physical play. They sort of succeeded, too, registering 48 hits to the Canucks' 18, led by captain Brendan Morrow, with eight. That's a Michael Jackson to Jermaine Jackson ratio of hits. Thankfully, all the Canucks skated away without injury, save Aaron Volpatti, who left the game with bruised rib cartilage.

• The Sedins have taken a beating over their careers, and considering how much time they spend with their back to defenders, ripe to receive unlimited crosschecks, you'd think their spine was made of silly putty by now. Instead, they've simply gotten quite good at absorbing the blow. I noticed one play where Daniel Sedin actually backed into the crosscheck, and the perfect timing of it caught his defender off guard and caused him to lose his footing. It was sort of brilliant.

• With the massive hit advantage, the shots completely even and the scoring chances relatively even, you'd think the Stars would have fared better. But there's still special teams, where the Canucks have been good all season, and downright spectacular against Dallas. As Gord McIntyre points out, they're 8-for-15 in three games against the Stars this year. "I don't know why," said Henrik Sedin, when asked about this, "But we own a lot of teams." I believe he meant to say pwn.

• The great thing about the Canuck powerplay is that it can beat you a few different ways. They have a number of set down-low plays, plus the on-the-fly wizardry of the Sedins, but lately they've been getting it done with shots from the point. Mikael Samuelsson's goal came on a beautiful wrist shot from that weird spot on the ice just above the faceoff dot where it's against the rules for the goalie to try to save it if it's a power play. Christian Ehrhoff's was your basic blistering slapper.

• Speaking of Ehrhoff, I'm going to be honest: If Samuelsson has to replace one of the point men on the power play, I much prefer he steps in for Alex Edler. Edler's a better passer than Ehrhoff, but he's not nearly as mobile. Edler's typically the static defenseman on the five-man unit, and that's a much easier vacancy to fill than Ehrhoff's specialized roamer role. Recall how the Canucks' power play suffered when Ehrhoff was out with the ear injury. With Edler out, they didn't miss a beat.

• Speaking of defencemen, let's talk about Dan "Community Man" Hamhuis. He blocked a whopping seven shots tonight, and still found time to block two more in a charity basketball game for at-risk youth. He played a game-high 24:38, and, as usual, you hardly noticed him.

• Am I the only one who's completely blown away by Lee Sweatt and Chris Tanev? Sweatt showed fabulous improvement in his second NHL game, playing physically and looking stronger on the puck than the game before the break. He threw three hits and blocked two shots in 14:53 of ice time. Chris Tanev, meanwhile, looked incredible in his 17:04 of playing time. I was especially impressed with one play where he went into the corner, drew two forecheckers, then made a calm, crisp outlet pass before absorbing the hit. His patience is remarkable. People were making a big deal about Cody Hodgson being the first Mike Gillis draft pick to make the NHL, but let's not downplay the GM's ability to find NHL quality talent elsewhere. Sweatt's a European signing, and Tanev was a free agent out of college. Considering any team could have signed these guys, Gillis deserves credit for the fact that they're on the Canucks right now.

• Speaking of Cody Hodgson, it was nice to see him come out of this game without having to make an appointment with a medical specialist of some sort. It was a pretty quiet first night on the stat sheet for Cody, but if you want to raise an eyebrow, consider that he was 2-for-9 in the faceoff circle. That's not good, but the real story here is the fact that he took so many. Alex Bolduc was getting two a game on a good night. Is tonight the most faceoffs a Canucks' 4th-line center has taken in one game this season? I think it might be. Anyhow, apart from this, I thought Hodgson was only all right. At times, he looked slow, but he looked smart, and he looked skilled. He also looked a bit like Charlie Conway, captain of the Mighty Ducks. He should get right out in front of things and tell Alain Vigneault to stay the Hell away from his mom.

• Before you get on Cody for the faceoffs, by the way, all the Canucks were terrible tonight in this regard. Their best guy was Henrik Sedin, who went 8-for-17. The team went 36% on draws. All-Star hangover? Kesler and Henrik still have to readjust to the other guy caring who wins the faceoff.

• You've got to feel for Dallas a little on the shorthanded goal (above). After cutting the lead in half, Loui Eriksson gets a pass in a good area and looks poised for another great shot. Instead, the puck jumps, sending the Canucks the other way on a two-on-one. Pay special attention to Jannik Hansen's fake, which freezes Stephane Robidas and allows Hansen to space out the rush. Robidas knows that Kesler is streaking down his blind side, so when Hansen suggest an early pass, you know Robidas is worried that Kesler's about to blow by him. He backs up a little. Instead, Hansen keeps it, now with room to go wide, and the eventual saucer pass to Kesler is a beauty. This goal was a huge backbreaker, although not as huge a backbreaker as The Big Show's Cobra Clutch Backbreaker.

• Cory Schneider was good, but this is no longer a new and interesting story. He's always good against the Stars. Stars of any kind, actually. Even Space Jam's MonStars would be no match for Cory Schneider. He should team up with Ben Affleck to form an intergalactic crime-fighting duo: Moonraper and Starcrusher.

• Brilliant observation from Daniel's wife, Rachael: when the announcer says "no score," he is incorrect. The score is 0-0. Instance where the phrase might be acceptable: when the press box runs out of Skor.

• And finally, how weird was it to have such a pitiful attendance? Granted, this had everything to do with a Dallas snowstorm that made it difficult to get to the arena, but still. At times, it gave the game an eerie sound, as the crowd noise was chillingly muted. I'm not sure who had a harder time with it: broadcast guys, who sounded nonplussed by the quiet, the production staff, who couldn't seem to stay away from depressing crowd shots, or the events staff, who clearly printed more "Crush the Canucks!" posters than they needed. They had so many, even, that they were giving them to Canucks fans. One little girl had folded over the "Crush the" portion and was proudly waving a sign that said "Canucks!" That girl is a genius.

I Watched This Game: Canucks at Rangers, January 13, 2011

Canucks 0 - 1 Rangers

It is the worst letdown in the world when the Canucks suffer a shutout loss. It's a worse letdown than Urkel O's (the cereal that showed so much promise). Not only am I forced to watch the Canucks lose, but I'm forced to watch as they're held off the scoresheet. Truth is, it's boring. Plus it means the highlight package will also be boring: Don Taylor: in the second, Mikael Samuelsson streaks into the zone and shoots--it is blocked. It means the post-game breakdown will be boring. Blake Price: Henrik Lundqvist is a good goalie. It means fan conversation will be boring. Fan: I thought the Sedins weren't that good tonight. Like the pace of the game, everything slows to a crawl until the next one. It's a torture.

That's right. Watching bad hockey is literally torture. I, like any good Canadian, would sooner give away national secrets than watch a shutout loss. This is why Canada should never go to war with the United States: we're too easy to torture (and boy, do they torture). Sigh. I watched this game:

• Well everyone, the Canucks lost in regulation. Don't panic, but this can only mean one thing: it's the end of days. How will it happen? I theorize the following: the human race is about to be overthrown by a coalition of marmots and marmosets. Their combined brainpower will allow them to crack the evolutionary code and evolve at alarming rates. Their combined military power will create an unstoppable marmy. People: it's marmageddon.

• I'm exaggerating slightly. Nothing can evolve that quickly, save Canuck fans' opinions on their team. This loss isn't the end of the world. It sucks that the Canucks' point streak and Cory Schneider's point streak both had to end, but it was going to happen eventually. Hopefully, this loss is just a loss, and not the beginning of a streak going the other way. It's going to take much more winning to remain atop the NHL, where the Canucks maintain a three-point lead on Detroit and Philadelphia.

• Let's get right out in front of any potential navel-gazing and establish that the Rangers played one Hell of a defensive game. The Associated Press called it an all-heart performance, and while it may not have been the hockey equivalent of trying to liberate Scotland, it was certainly commendable. The Rangers swarmed the puck, had 13 different guys combine to block 24 shots (including 5 from Dan Girardi), and forced the Canucks to shoot from the outside all night. Against a team like Vancouver that scores the majority of their goals a foot from the crease, that's a solid recipe for success.
  

• The Canucks lost this game along the boards. Sadly, there's no statistic to back this up, but when the Canucks are playing well, they win their offensive zone puck battles and sustain offensive pressure. Led by pinching expert Kevin Bieksa (the grandma of the NHL), they keep pucks inside the blue line and break down defensive structures by throwing it around the zone willy-nilly. Last night, the Rangers prevented them from doing this.

• Also, Henrik Lundqvist stopped all the shots. That helped too.

• While New York's 24 blocks came from thirteen guys, Vancouver's 12 blocks came from only four defensemen, including four apiece from Kevin Bieksa and Dan Hamhuis, who quietly played a stellar game. It's always a bummer when a team loses 1-0 because the strong defensive effort of the losers goes relatively unnoticed. The Ham n' Juice pairing looks as defensively sound as any Canuck tandem this town's seen in years, Bryant Reeves and Stromile Swift notwithstanding.

• Ryan Kesler continued his shootiness, throwing five on net, and attempting another five. However, the shot king last night was Mikael "Shooty McShooterson" Samuelsson. He had five shots as well, with two blocked and four more missing the goal. He's a funny player. He shoots when he should pass; he holds the puck when he should move it, such as when he dragged the puck back in the neutral zone when any other player would have dumped it in. Sammy's not unlike Daniel and Henrik in that he plays the game at his own, mechanical pace, and can frustrate by appearing take it easy or playing without urgency. He's just a measured, intelligent player. Last night he was our best forward. Let's keep him.

• Let's not keep him on the first unit power play. Why, I ask, did the Canucks put him on the point instead of Ehrhoff for the five-on-three? Why did they take Kesler out from the front of the net and put him at the point? If you're wondering why they did not score, tackle these first two whys and you'll probably have your answer.

• Mason Raymond had some jump as well, but he seems to have forgotten how to capitalize on a chance. Even in Monopoly, all he gets are parking fines and poor taxes.

• Cory Schneider had a fine game, but there's definitely something to Richard Loat's observation that the team plays better defensively in front of him. I agree that they tighten up a bit. Combine that with the run support he's been getting in his starts (and his own strong play) and you have a recipe for a going this many games without a regulation loss. Last night, however, the run support dried up and Schneider saw the goose egg in his middle column disappear.

• Speaking of middle columns: perhaps realizing that his team wasn't about to sneak one past Henrik Lundqvist, Alex Burrows went five-hole on Marc Staal instead. Thanks a lot, Burr. Not only do I have to defend your hair-pulling when I tell people you're my favourite player, but now I have to defend your groin-spearing? It's embarrassing loving a man who pulls hair and stabs groins. And yet my love persists. Burrows will probably get a phone call from the league, as nether attacks are never cool--unless you're making a short film. Here's hoping he sees some discipline, as it's fairly warranted, especially after the refs decided instead to instead punish Marc Staal for failing to protect his testicles.
  

• Such are the foibles of a young goalie, but this is the third or fourth game in a row where Cory Schneider's made a pretty egregious error. Last game, it was the slapstick fall that gave Jamal Mayers a freebie. He nearly handed the Rangers another when he coughed the puck up behind the net. The look on Roberto Luongo's face afterward was priceless.

• According to the stat sheet, the Rangers had 38 hits to the Canucks 31. No they didn't. Madison Square Garden employs one of the most liberal stat guys in the country. Note that the Rangers have 573 hits on the road and a league-leading 731 at home. Who is this guy, thinking everything's a hit? He's probably the guy that greenlit Kesha. This is a surefire hit. Also, I bet the police answer domestic abuse calls at his house all the time. She hit you again, sir?

• Daniel and Henrik did have a quiet game, though it probably helped that the Rangers were allowed to latch onto them like brain slugs. I've heard some criticism of the Sedins for disappearing, and I think it speaks to their expectations as the offensive leaders of this team. All this talk of Ryan Kesler as a dark horse for the Hart is silly if he's not even the one held accountable when the Canucks get shut out. That said, when your scoring leaders don't score, that's a problem. Score more, Daniel and Henrik.

• And finally, I realize that playing Aaron Rome semi-regularly is a good way to prevent him from playing like he hasn't played in months, but when he plays that way in spite of this approach, you have a problem. This is the catch-22: Aaron Rome plays like he shouldn't be playing, but he'll only play worse if you don't play him. Unless you never play him again. Get well soon, Salo.
  

Ask it to Bulis: The Greatest Canucks' Moustache & Other Inquiries

Ask it to Bulis is a regular feature wherein casual readers and hardcore Bulies alike can put their questions to two guys no more qualified to answer than they are. Harrison and Daniel preside:


Greatest Canucks' mustache: Babych or Snepsts? -- @staticotaku

H: Tough first question. I'm gonna go with Snepsts, and for totally subjective reasons. It was a slightly fuller, more unkempt mustache that covered a little more area. And because of its downward curvature, he looks the most like Mr. Johnson, the beleaguered blue Muppet who constantly makes the mistake of eating at Charlie's Restaurant, where Waiter Grover works. I have so much sympathy for Mr. Johnson, as there were clearly no other restaurants in Sesame Street (like the Red Robin in Maple Ridge), I can't help but love Harold Snepsts.

D: I have to disagree. Babych has the classier, more kempt moustache. It was big and bushy, but under control. Snepsts has a classic 'stache, but it's just a little too out-of-control for my tastes. There's a reason Babych is #7 on this list of top ten 'staches in all of sports and Snepsts doesn't even warrant a mention.

H: Because MSN.com has the last word on this, apparently.

Net-Minding Tandems Better Than Luongo & Schneider

One of this year's biggest stories has been the emergence of Cory Schneider. We've already talked about it. A couple of times. Schneider's strong play, along with Roberto Luongo's resurgence, has given Vancouver a goaltending tandem unrivaled by any other in their 40 years. It's an embarrassment of riches.

But if there's one thing PITB stands for, it's perspective (although the P still stands for "Pass"). Luongo and Schneider are good--the best net-minding tandem Vancouver's ever had. But there are many, many superior net-minding tandems. Let's take a look at some of them:

Cory Schneider Has Played His Way Out of Vancouver

In February of 2008, on the eve of the NHL trade deadline, Canucks GM Dave Nonis was in serious talks with the Tampa Bay Lightning for Brad Richards. Though the deal fell through, Darren Dreger later reported that Tampa Bay's asking price included at least one of Alex Edler, Ryan Kesler, or Luc Bourdon, as well as Cory Schneider. Canuck fans hungry for a superstar center (ironic, now) were disappointed when Richards went to Dallas instead. Fan outcry centered around the Canucks' unwillingness to trade Schneider, the goaltending prospect thought to be peaking in trade value.

As we enter 2011, the Canucks still retain the young goaltender, now as solid an NHL backup as there is. Incredibly, his trade value has only continued to rise, but by now, this shouldn't be a surprise: Cory Schneider's been driving his asking price skyward for years. Now he's playing his way out of Vancouver.

Anyone with an ounce of wisdom has always known that Schneider won't be usurping the Canucks' starting job from Roberto Luongo. It became less likely when Luongo was named captain of the team, and even less likely when Luongo inked a twelve-year extension. Though Schneider may have the potential to be a number one goalie, circumstance has long dictated that the opportunity awaits him in another city.

No Controversy, Just Competition For Luongo & Schneider

Before I go any further, let me be perfectly clear: there is no goaltending controversy, and there hasn't been one all season. Roberto Luongo is the starting netminder, and Cory Schneider is his backup. That's the way of life. When Luongo plays well, he's supposed to, because he's the number one, and when Schneider plays well, he's supposed to as well, because it's the backup's job to give the starting goaltender a night off without also giving one to the opponent.

Schneider and Luongo have both been solid this season, as evidenced by the Canucks' conference-leading goals allowed. Despite both goalies playing well, however, Cory Schneider is the only one exceeding expectations. Luongo is supposed to be good. In the past, he's been so good it's only underlined how questionable his backup is. This year, the Canucks have collected points in every game the backup has started, and, each time that Schneider blows away the low expectations of precedent, someone, somewhere, brings up the potential for a goaltending controversy.

It's not going to happen. But there is another "C" word that I think might be settling into the heads of the two goaltenders: competition.

I Watched This Game: Canucks vs Lightning, December 9, 2010

Canucks 4 - 5 Lightning (OT)

So I don't think the Tampa Bay Lightning realize they were supposed to treat this game like a ceremonial faceoff: show up, smile for a photo, then stand back while Henrik Sedin picks up the puck and hands it to the Queen. It should have been fairly simple. Instead, the Lightning came out trying to win, and did, which I found completely classless. Somebody needs to delicately tell them they ruined a fabulous night. I watched this game:

• A lot of people are going to want to pin this loss on Cory Schneider. Let them. Ignore the pundits eager to criticize his infrequent usage, eager to pin this on coaching and continue to innocently plant the seeds of a goaltending controversy. The Canucks outplayed the Lightning and needed a few stops to make sure the final score reflected that. If Luongo never gets a pass (and he never does), then let it be so for all Canuck goaltenders. Schneider didn't look so good on a few of these goals; he needs and has the capability to be better. So what if it had been nine games since his last start? He was slotted, at the season's outset, to start every fourth or fifth game. With a nine-game break, he actually only missed one start. Players miss starts. They're still expected to be good when they get back in. Schneider did make a couple of very impressive saves, including a brilliant toe kick early in the first period that made me think, maybe, he was going to have Stamkos's number. It was not meant to be.

• Steven Stamkos is pretty good at hockey, don't you think? If I was picking teams, and he was one of the guys waiting to be picked for some reason, I'd pick him pretty early on. Stamkos had 3 points last night, including the game-winner on an incredible one-timer. The last time I saw a shot that unstoppable, I ignored the desperate pleadings of everyone at my intervention and I drank it.

• How to explain this loss? I'll tell you what happened: The Lightning saw Brian Burke in attendance, and assumed this was a winnable game. Zing.

• How badly did the Canucks miss Christian Ehrhoff? Ehrhoff facilitates more breakouts than the grill at McDonald's, and Vancouver could have used him on more than a few clunky-looking rushes. Realizing the importance of his contributions for the first time, I spent the whole night humming Big Yellow Taxi. The Hoff was especially missed on the powerplay, where the five-man unit was sorely lacking in a guy who does what he does. Dan Hamhuis, his replacement, did different things, and unfortunately, those things were counterproductive.

• Alain Vigneault would be forgiven for bumping Kevin Bieksa to that top special teams unit. Bieksa is a good puckhandler, and nobody on the Canucks pinches along the boards better. But I wouldn't recommend it. Bieksa's shot isn't overly threatening; his presence would allow defenders to shade off of him and attack the open passing lanes this unit exploits so well. Rather, this might be Keith Ballard's best opportunity to show what he can do. His end-to-end rush that resulted in the game-tying goal was, while a bit of a softie, an impressive display of offense and skating from a defenseman who has yet to fully convince his coach of his skill level. Ignore the terrifying fact that Cory Schneider has as many points as he does; Ballard's been exploding out from behind the net for a few games now in a way that only Christian Ehrhoff could emulate. What other Ehrhoffian traits does he possess?

• Andrew Alberts' return to the lineup coincided with a suspicious upstick in team hittiness. The Canucks had 23 hits to Tampa's 13. My theory: Alberts is an instigator of violence, akin to Mookie from Do the Right Thing. Keep him away from Brooklyn, trash cans, and Italian restaurant windows.

• The Markus Naslund retirement ceremony was a thing of beauty, and done with penultimate class, but who expected Nazzy to talk for that long? We've come to expect brevity from him. Instead, we discovered that Markus Naslund is, like any other retired father, prone to rambling. That said, his reunion with the Vancouver fans still seemed much too short. We needed a left winger last night. He should have just played.

• Best tie of the night goes to former Canuck goaltender Dan Cloutier. Daniel suggested Alain Vigneault was also sporting some pretty spiffy neckwear, but my wife insisted, "Cloutier never won anything; let him have this one."

• Mason Raymond's absence was felt yet again. Even when he's not scoring, he's a threat to do so, and it gives Ryan Kesler a bit more space to work with. Kes was going full tilt in the opening frame, but once the Lightning realized he was doing it alone, they smothered him like an only child. Related: Kesler never gets through with those bullish sprints up the middle, but I hope he never stops.

• The Canucks won 64% of faceoffs, led by Manny Malhotra winning 14 of 19, including 9 of 10 in the neutral zone. Henrik went 11-for-19 and Kesler 11-for-16. The dirty underbelly of this stat? The Canucks only won 5 of 12 in the defensive zone, thereby failing to take advantage of their faceoff superiority by giving up possession on their defensive zone starts too often. Alex Bolduc lost all three faceoffs he took, by the way.

• Food for thought: Manny Malhotra finished minus-1 with a game-high 3 giveaways, and only won 1 defensive zone faceoff. He may have scored a goal, but you'd have to call this a bad game for him. As the Canucks' defensive center, he didn't do the things he's in the lineup to do.
  

• Spend a shift or two watching Raffi Torres. He makes some bizarre decisions with and without the puck. He makes cross-ice passes that suddenly end promising odd-man rushes. He puts himself out of position to make needless (albeit sweet) hits. In one instance, he tried to one-time a puck that was bouncing like Li'l Bow Wow on roller skates. My favourite Torres moment: when he sat down in the box after a first period penalty, the camera caught a nearby lady in a Bertuzzi jersey (with a Degrassi haircut) give him an amorous eyebrow raise. You know what they say about a guy with big eyes.

• Ron Maclean still thinks it's Mardi Gras. During the first intermission, he talked about how Guy Bocher doesn't focus enough on threesomes. Not everyone is into your kink, Maclean.

• I actually really enjoyed the broadcast team last night. Mark Lee's vocabulary was incredibly entertaining, and Weekes is steadily improving as a commentator. My wife: didn't Kevin Weekes used to play goalie for the Canucks? Us: Kind of.

• Before you lament the lost point, consider that the Canucks made an impressive comeback to get one. Furthermore, consider that comeback was led by two distinct instances of Wizardous Sedinerie. As the broadcast team showed Henrik's goal (above) is scored on a shot so accurate it bent the space-time continuum.