Friday, January 07, 2011

I Watched This Game: Canucks vs Oilers, January 07, 2011

Canucks 6 - 1 Oilers



I don't think there was ever really any concern that the Oilers might win tonight. There was, I guess, a nagging concern that the Canucks might lose, but seriously, this Oilers team isn't built to win hockey games. It's built to accrue picks, like Questlove's hair or Tenacious D.

My favourite thing about this year's edition of the Vancouver Canucks (apart from all the winning, naturally) is that they don't seek revenge through fighting. They just embarrass you by scoring more goals. Seriously. This is the team we have. No retaliatory fighting, just retaliatory goals. We saw it tonight as the game began to go pear-shaped for Edmonton, and they tried to salvage some measure of respect by picking on Tanner Glass. The Canucks' response? Bury them in goals. Get hat tricks. Bury them like Beatrix Kiddo. It's fun to watch. And I did watch. Yes sir, I watched this game:

  • Like a high school Home Ec. class, the Canucks created a lot of turnovers tonight. The Oilers really struggled to get the puck out of their zone. You'd have to think the absence of Ryan Whitney accounts for this sudden transitional ineptitude, as the only puck-mover on the Oilers' defense continues to miss games with a bad ankle. You'll recall that he played nearly thirty minutes in a game between these two teams on December 10th.
  • In Whitney's absence, we saw a lot more of Theo "Huxtable" Peckham, who continues a storied tradition of black Theos who can't seem to stay out of trouble. Among his comedy of errors: tripping Mikael Samuelsson; needlessly punching Mikael Samuelsson in the head; hitting Ales Hemsky in the face with a puck. He's lucky Bill Cosby isn't his dad, because he'd get a real talking to about responsibility.
  • The Oilers came out flying, seeming to think if they won the first ten minutes, they wouldn't have to play the rest of the game. Despite not winning the first ten minutes, they stuck to their game plan.
  • There are games when the Sedin twins are unnoticeable, except on the scoresheet. There are other games, like tonight, when it's apparent from puck drop they're going to make their opponents look silly. Both Daniel and Henrik finished with 3 points--Henrik his customary 3 helpers, and Daniel 2 goals and 1 assist. Their first goal was a lesson in how to hit an open net (Mason Raymond, take note). Their second goal (above) was classic Wizardous Sedinerie. It also showcased the Third Law of Sedinery: if one pass is customary, the Sedins will make two. On a breakaway, Henrik makes one pass when others would make none. On a two-on-one, Henrik and Daniel make two passes where others would make one. In school, teachers hated the way they would hand in the same test twice.
  • Also of note on Daniel's second goal, Alex Burrows' savvy flip pass to spring the Sedins. The line has been pulling this play all season, and it tends to catch defenders sleeping. It's safe to say the Sedins are the only players in hockey cribbing plays from Dwayne Robertson.
  • A word about Daniel Sedin, who makes a living getting upstaged. Daniel scored two goals before Kesler did. This was rightfully his hat trick. But, just like Henrik took all the credit during his Hart-winning season, Ryan Kesler stole all the glory tonight, winning their impromptu hat trick fight.
  • Sidenote: I imagine a hat trick fight to be two magicians pulling various weaponry out of their top hats. In the climax, the first magician pulls a grenade, and throws it at the second, who catches it in his top hat. Then, the second pulls out a bouquet of flowers. It explodes in the first magician's face, killing him instantly. Flawless victory.
  • Anyway, Daniel even had his chance to match Kesler's hat trick, but his power move to the net was stopped by Khabibulin, and Alex Edler, the snake, ruined everything by scoring. Dick move. Daniel's subsequent fist bump looked a little aggressive to me. Out for blood.
  • Kesler's hat trick was really something, huh? He scored three times, no lie. Thrice, in fact. His first goal came on a wrist shot so hard it broke both the Bulin wall and the fourth wall, turning to the audience and soliloquizing. His second and third goals were both tips. It was like the debit machine prompted him for a tip, and he felt obligated and tipped too much. At 2 of 3, that's a 66% tip, which is a drastic overtip.
  • The best moment of Kesler's hat trick goal comes sixteen seconds into the video, as a dude wearing a hat suddenly realizes what just happened. Wait! I'm wearing a hat! #HatTrickKid
  • The real story, of course, is that the Canucks continue to put in 59-minute efforts. They blew yet another shutout tonight, as Cory Schneider lost his post on a scramble at the end of the second. Ales Hemsky got the goal with 0.3 seconds on the clock. This is unacceptable. Were I at the game, I would have booed vociferously. It is my right as a ticket buyer and I'm an idiot.
  • Anyway, apart from that Cory Schneider was good. He usually is. Whatever. We could talk about how the Canucks are 8-0-2 when he starts, but it's getting boring. The Canucks just win a lot. You could make up an absurdly positively stat and it would probably be half-true. The Canucks are 13-0-1 when Raffi Torres eats a pregame ham and swiss sandwich. Thi8s is a Tru Fakt.
  • In his inaugural game as the fourth-line center (a promotion he clearly relished) Tanner Glass went 4-for-6 in the faceoff circle. He also had a game-high six hits in 11:38 of icetime. He looked pretty good.
  • His positive faceoff numbers would have been quite the accomplishment had the Oilers not forgotten that the purpose of a faceoff is to try to gain possession of the puck. The Canucks won 37 of 54 faceoffs, led by 14-for-17 and 8-for-10 nights for Kesler and Henrik, respectively. Kesler won all 7 of his defensive zone faceoffs, and that, Reid's friends, is why he takes them.
  • Ales Hemsky is a giant shovel. After being obliterated on a clean Glass hit, Hemsky proceeded to chase the Canucks' fourth-line center across the ice, hooking and cross-checking all the way. Glass, the zennest of zen Canucks, ignored this antagonism, likely reciting Scrabble's allowable two-letter words as a mantra.
  • And finally, Daniel (Wagner, not Sedin) pointed out early on that this game would get chippy, as the referees missed some early warning signs and didn't manage the game well in the first. By the third period, the Oilers were clearly frustrated, and began taking out their frustrations in a frustrating way. In the funniest moment of the night, Tanner Glass was assaulted by Hemsky and Jason Strudwick, only to have Raffi Torres leap to his assistance from the top rope ala Randy "The Ram" Robinson, horse collar him, and then fall down. Torres, you lovable fool. Thankfully, he provided a goofy-looking cushion for Glass to land on when he was tackled.

12 comments:

  1. The Canucks are a special team. Speaking of special teams, how about them Canucks? Another game without giving up a powerplay goal. Feels good. And 2 for 5 on the powerplay is pretty impressive wouldn't you say? That's one thing I loved about tonight. Edmonton started playing a chippy cheapshot game. And how did the Canucks make them pay? On the score sheet. They did not waste anytime striking on the Theo Peckham penalty. I bet Theo Peckham felt more guilty for that penalty than Theo Huxtable felt when Claire found a joint in his History book.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rle-qWni5GU

    ReplyDelete
  2. First off, let me say that Theo Peckham comparison to Theo from teh Cosby Show was genius!! And I have a craving for watching The Mighty Ducks movies seeing as I have never seen them lol. But I laughed at your mention of Edler pulling a "dick move" cuz how was Edler supposed to know Sedin is out for blood ;) Sedin cud have got to rebound but Edler figured an assist which would give him his 600th career point would suffice (obviously he doesn't know what a hat-trick is or he would have #passittosedin xD and LOL! I didn't see that #HatTrickKid but I died laughing at the end when he realized what had just happened and in the next frame at the far end of the rink, I like to think thats #HatTrickKid tossing his hat onto the ice LMFAO! (which it very well cud be) and yes Torres was so clumsy but funny when he tried to come to the aid of Glass, almost taking him down in the process :p "The Human Projectile" will forever be in our hearts!

    Honorable Mention: In your article, you could have also mentioned Bieska's hit on Hemsky (or was it Gagner) and like he was hobbled to the bench and then smashed his stick in frustration at the bench LOL #weareallbieksa

    and Hamhuis apparently hip-checked someone but I missed that one....

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  3. I am really starting to enjoy John's pleasure filled grunts that are beginning to accompany any successful instance of wizardous sedinerie

    ReplyDelete
  4. reality fantasy

    period one the oil
    uncoil
    canucks in waves toil
    khabibulin saves moil
    or foil
    cory spoil
    ‘s the story edmonton wins
    the slide begins
    no score the twins
    minus two
    period two boo hoo
    every ‘nucklehead
    daniel scores first like i’ve said
    off a sudden sedin burst as you well know
    kessler then will unglue
    wrists one in miscue
    fans cheer and screw
    when up
    cory saves and saves again before the cup
    it’s clear is decided
    canucks will win canucks derided
    amen in the media
    daniel scores the third wikipedia
    fans are heard notes nothing new
    “more beer! twenty-eleven
    just one more dear? a failure too
    the winning streak’s alive!
    you can drive . here to mock
    i’ll help steer! chickenhawk
    our son’s a nerd. january seven
    who’s number thirty-five?”
    hemsky scores before the horn
    fans forlorn
    “schneider’s the worst!”

    three - one

    period three

    kessler scoresthe oilers on a scoring spree
    restores win the game thirteen three
    the three goal lead
    “another beer i need!
    who’s number seventeen?
    another beer is what i mean.
    someone’s smoking weed!” tambellini
    kessler’s second career fights jack sortini
    hat trick
    “don’t throw my toque away!
    15 really came to play.
    54 is pretty slick.
    darn canucks!
    dear,
    i think i’m going to be sick,”
    clucks
    chickenhawk
    followed by an obscene
    squawk
    he upchucks in my ch fantasy

    edler makes it six
    the only thing to spoil the fun
    not two hat tricks

    ReplyDelete
  5. I want whatever Chickenhawk has been smoking. Another stellar read thanks Harris!

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  6. I too noticed #HatTrickKid last night so I just about sprayed coffee this morning when I read that. I anticipate many blank stares as I go around all day saying "Wait! I'm wearing a hat!".

    Hmmm...I'd better wear a hat today. Probably won't help much.

    ReplyDelete
  7. where there's a will


    the fantasy

    the oil
    uncoil
    toil
    moil
    foil
    spoil
    edmonton wins
    the slide begins
    the twins
    minus two
    boo hoo
    every ‘nucklehead
    like i’ve said
    and you
    know too
    will unglue
    miscue
    and screw
    up
    before the cup
    is decided
    canucks derided
    in the media
    wikipedia
    notes nothing new
    twenty-eleven
    a failure too

    here to mock
    is chickenhawk
    january seven

    the oilers on a scoring spree
    win the game thirteen to three

    tambellini
    fights jack sortini

    in my ch fantasy

    the reality

    period one

    canucks in waves
    khabibulin saves
    or
    cory
    ‘s the story

    no score

    period two

    daniel scores first
    off a sudden sedin burst
    kessler then
    wrists one in
    fans cheer
    when
    cory saves and saves again
    it’s clear
    canucks will win
    amen
    daniel scores the third
    fans are heard
    “more beer!
    just one more dear?
    the winning streak’s alive!
    you can drive .
    i’ll help steer!
    our son’s a nerd.
    who’s number thirty-five?”
    hemsky scores before the horn
    fans forlorn
    “schneider’s the worst!”

    three - one

    period three

    kessler scores
    restores
    the three goal lead
    “another beer i need!
    who’s number seventeen?
    another beer is what i mean.
    someone’s smoking weed!”
    kessler’s second career
    hat trick
    “don’t throw my toque away!
    15 really came to play.
    54 is pretty slick.
    darn canucks!
    dear,
    i think i’m going to be sick,”
    clucks
    chickenhawk
    followed by an obscene
    squawk
    he upchucks

    edler makes it six
    the only thing to spoil the fun
    not two hat tricks

    ReplyDelete
  8. Chickenhawk, you are a strange, strange reader.

    ReplyDelete
  9. @David T: You should definitely watch the Mighty Ducks movies. They're terrible, but we make so many veiled references to them that PITB is probably a lot funnier if you've watched all three.

    Golly, we're lame.

    ReplyDelete
  10. "Were I at the game, I would have booed vociferously. It is my right as a ticket buyer and I'm an idiot" aka the leafs fan approach


    i thought tanner glass would've got alot more love for being the "missing Link"

    u better hope he doesnt take his revenge in scrabble form

    ReplyDelete
  11. I've been thinking for months that the Oilers really, really need someone to show them how to win face-offs. Their terriblosity in the circle is beyond tragedy, beyond explanation - I think, possibly, voodoo, or perhaps a newly discovered work by Sophocles. Performed at the Dionysia, 413 BC: The Oilereia. Surely at this point we could lend them Manny for a weekend, just to show them the basics? Or, hell, my elementary girls' school floorball "coach."

    Re: Raffi's ham sandwich: this is my favourite part of winning, I think, everyone wandering around going "Did you know we're also very good on the powerplay?" As if these things were all totally unrelated to the standings, like "did you know Kesler came first in a road rally yesterday, and also Burrows has been given a knighthood?" Ballard makes excellent chicken cacciatore! Alex Bolduc has very progressive views on women's rights in the Middle East! OH REALLY, I WAS NOT AWARE.

    Also, as an occasional Oiler-watcher, I liked the way they played the last ten minutes. Everyone around me was huffing about them being too chippy, and the Canucks clearly expected them to roll over and know their place, and they refused. I do respect that. I'm in favour of running around and being stupid, I guess.

    ps. chickenhawk, ilu.

    pps. http://i52.tinypic.com/rigirs.jpg nothing special but: the legend lives on

    ReplyDelete
  12. haha yes I should watch them all...that one fat kid from the Heavyweights is in them xD and LOL why no Slap Shot references?? Or Happy Gilmore xD

    ReplyDelete

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