Wellwood's World, Chapter 10: Welly's Not Right, But He's Not Wrong

When we last left Kyle Wellwood, he was happy. Why wouldn't he be? Things are going swell for Welly. He's expecting his first child; his experience in Russia taught him a newfound respect for his home continent, as he no longer has to contend with dogs for the best links of sausage; he's fitting in beautifully in San Jose.

In 25 games, he's got 4 goals and 2 assists. Welly's also a +6, having only been a minus player once (two days ago). He remains an oft-kilter defensive stalwart. The Sharks are 18-4-3 since he joined the team. After Moscow, any NHL team would have sufficed, but Welly appears to have ridden the waiver wire to a mighty fine situation.

However, if Moscow has been happily banished to the past, his time in Vancouver remains a fresh memory. Interest in the Windsor native continues here, even though he now plays for one of the Canucks' stiffest rivals, and perhaps their most daunting potential postseason opponent.

That said, if he was hoping to put out some of the fires still burning for him in the Lower Mainland he certainly poured some water on them when he suggested the Canucks, season-long Stanley Cup favourites, didn't have the mettle to win it all this year. It was last week's most adorable heel turn.

Wellwood's World, Chapter 9: Happy Times Are Here Again

When we last left the non-stop actioner that is the life of Kyle Wellwood, Welly was making his triumphant return from exile, now in a San Jose Sharks uniform. He seemed excited about going to the Sun Belt, and relieved to be home from Russia, the bizarro nation where stray dogs reenact famous scenes from A Clockwork Orange before stealing your groceries.

In some sort of grand, cosmic joke at his expense, Wellwood wound up making his season debut in Vancouver. The quiet, self-effacing center seemed somewhat annoyed to be right back in front of Vancouver's million microphones, but it was a special treat for Canuck fans, like us, who have battled through the barrier that is the Cyrillic alphabet just to continue following his career. It was nice to finally receive a much-needed dose of Wellwoodness in English, where his trademark pathos wasn't mitigated by Google's crappy translator.

So what's new on the Wellwood front? Welly has now played 10 games with the Sharks. In those games, he's got 2 goals and no assists. Nothing special. However, he's a plus-4, and he's only been on the ice for 1 goal against (typical defensive stalwart that he is). That goal, by the way, was the much-ballyhooed Paul Bissonnette goal from the 1st of February. It garnered plenty of attention, as the rare BizNasty goal should, and nobody even seemed to notice that Welly got it back with his first goal of the season later that night ( to the highlights!).

Wellwood's World, Chapter 8: Meet Me in San Jose

Let's be very clear: when we began closely following Kyle Wellwood's career, we had no idea it was going to be this interesting.

Well, maybe we did. Even on a slow day, Kyle Wellwood is impossibly interesting, but we genuinely expected the Wellwood's World feature to be a lame list of stats followed by a botched quote from a Russian interview.

It never quite got to that.

Before long, Wellwood was back to his old tricks, infuriating coaches, losing ice time, and being hockey's greatest source of pathos. Then suddenly he was released from his contract. Then his wife was pregnant. Then he was signed by St. Louis. Then he wasn't. Then he was again, and before he could join the Blues, San Jose plucked him off waivers. Seriously, when has Kyle Wellwood ever moved this fast?

That's right, you heard it here last. Kyle Wellwood is a San Jose Shark. In fact, in a remarkable twist of irony (appropriate for the highly-literate forward), Wellwood will be in the lineup for the Sharks tomorrow night as their third-line center, directly opposed to Manny Malhotra, the guy the Canucks desperately targeted to replace him. So, again: The Canucks let Kyle Wellwood walk in order to sign Manny Malhotra. The Sharks let Manny Malhotra walk and eventually wound up with Kyle Wellwood. Seriously, how bad does GM Doug Wilson look right now?

I'm also happy to report that the Kyle Wellwood quote machine is back in English, meaning we no longer need to get his brilliance translated from Russian before we are moved by it. Here he is, addressing the long-running fat jokes, from Working the Corners:

Wellwood brings with him that reputation for being overweight and out of condition when he reported to the Vancouver Canucks at the start of the 2008-09 season. Yes, that was a problem then, he acknowledges. No, it’s not a problem now.

“When I came to Vancouver, I came off waivers from Toronto and I had three groin surgeries and I had a broken leg over the summer,” he said. “When I got to camp, I wasn’t in good enough shape or like the rest of the guys.

“That was something I fixed and now I’ve been in great shape,” Wellwood continued. “I’ve been under 180 pounds so it’s kind of a running joke — you still get the fat jokes when you’re one of the lightest people in hockey. You just laugh and shake your head.”

Typical Wellwood. I'm not fat. I'm weak. Get it right.

The prodigal son has come home, and now he plays for the other team. This is gonna be awesome.

Wellwood's World, Chapter 7: Back From Exile

Update: apparently this isn't officially confirmed and GM Doug Armstrong is denying it. But that's just shame. He'll get over it.

It was only last Tuesday that we delivered the bundle of nonjoy that was the end of Kyle Wellwood's contract with Atlant Moscow Oblant. Two days later, things got a little brighter, as we happily reported the bundle of joy his wife Bianca was carrying, and the pregnancy's part in what was an amicable departure from the KHL.

Now the news is downright sunny, as TSN is reporting that Kyle Wellwood, the gosh darn adorable center with whom PITB is unhealthily obsessed, has agreed to play the remainder of this season with the St. Louis Blues.

Now, it's all not roses yet, as Wellwood still needs to clear a few things: first, the remaining contract issues with his KHL team, and second, waivers.

I suspect he'll get through waivers, but the New York Islanders are all about picking up former Canucks on the wire, so there's still a chance he ends up on a line with John Tavares.

I'd prefer that, too. Not to Babcock the Canucks, but what if Kyle Wellwood fits in comfortably with the young St. Louis forward corps, becomes a leader, guides them to a first-round playoff meeting with Vancouver, and drops bombs? What if he scores a dagger? What if Kyle Wellwood, like Daniel "Vengeance as Fuel" Sedin, is out for blood?

We can only hope he goes easy on us.

Wellwood's World, Chapter 6: A Surprise Ending

It was only just yesterday that we reported the sad news that Kyle Wellwood's contract with the KHL's Atlant Moscow Oblant had been terminated. Word was that the club was unhappy with his performance and they had therefore decided to end the relationship.

But it turns out that's not all to the story, as Wellwood had his own reasons for wanting out of the contract: his wife, Bianca, is pregnant. From Atlant's website, (and then crudely translated by Google:)

Reason that prompted him to return [...] pregnant wife. Bianca, Franco-Canadian, is expecting a baby [in] four months. Kyle and Bianca lived in the town of Windsor. This is in Ontario, Canada - across the river from the American city of Detroit.

That certainly explains a lot. It might even explain why the characteristically checked-out Wellwood seemed to be playing even more lackadaisical than usual: he was homesick, and with good cause. Later in the interview, Wellwood admits, "It's hard to leave [my] wife in such important days without my attention."

Wellwood's World Chapter 5: Farewell Russia

The latest chapter in Kyle Wellwood's wild and weird world is a sad one. Dmitry Chesnokov of Puck Daddy is reporting that Atlant Moscow Oblast has released the pudgy playmaker from his contract. The news comes from Russian sports website sports.ru, which apparently broke the story, but the website resists my translation attempts (ie. it goes all weird and wonky when I try to use Google Translate), so I'm trusting Chesnokov's translation.

According to Chesnokov, the website reported that "the club management is not satisfied with the play of the 27 year old, and because of that a decision was made to end the relationship."

It seems likely that Atlant believed they were getting the diminutive dangler of 2005-07 rather than the dependable defensive presence of the current Wellwood incarnation. Wellwood only had 5 goals and 3 assists in his 25 games, but managed a +6 to go with his minimal point totals. Chesnokov also points out that he averaged a mere 8:39 in ice time per game.

Either that or they thought that in signing a hockey player from Canada, they were going to get a tough enforcer willing to drop the gloves at any moment. Wellwood had to dispel that notion in this interview:

Q: Are you ready to jump into the fray?

Wellwood: There is an image of a Canadian hockey player, but I do not like to fight. You could even say I can't.

Maybe that was the issue. Kyle just needed to be willing to drop the gloves. I'm guessing he didn't because he found the green Russian bandages embarrassing. Either way, his unwillingness to fight for his job left him without a job to fight for.

On the plus side, Kyle Wellwood is coming home.

Wellwood's World, Chapter 4: Wellwood Speaks!

When we last checked in with Kyle Wellwood, he had just signed a deal with Atlant Moscow of the KHL after failing to earn a contract with the Phoenix Coyotes. It was a bit of a bummer for PITB (genuine Wellwood fans that we are) but we purposed ourselves following Wellwood's career on the other side of the world. It's been easier said than done.

Wellwood's first season with Atlant began strongly. Coach Nikolai Borchevzky (formerly a Toronto Maple leaf, as celebrated at PPP) was playing Wellwood around 20 minutes a game, and he was enjoying top-six ice time. However, Borchevzky was fired in early October and replaced by Milos Riha, who had been fired by Spartak Moscow around the same time. Riha replaced the team's attacking style with a stricter, defensive structure. Wellwood has seen a considerable decrease in minutes, and is now back in a familiar place, skating in the bottom-six with limited minutes. In 20 games played, Wellwood has only 4 points (3 goals, 1 assist).

Who cares, though? PITB loves Kyle Wellwood because he's unique, and uniquely self-aware. His sheepishly, but candid personality is unique in hockey circles, and thankfully, his personality lives on, even in poorly translated Russian interviews. What follows are four Kyle Wellwood interviews, organized chronologically, in which he touches on everything from his adjustments to Russian life, women in the workplace, his former Canuck teammates, and the future of the NHL. This is must-read material.

Wellwood's World Chapter 3: To Russia with Love

If you follow Kyle Wellwood news as closely as we do (and why wouldn't you?), you will have already heard the sad news: our favorite Ayn-Rand-reading, no-TV-watching, no-minor-penalty-taking little warrior will be taking his talents to Mytischi to play for Atlant Moscow Oblast.

Despite a strong showing during the Phoenix Coyotes training camp, he was outplayed by top prospect Kyle Turris in the preseason, and could not earn himself a contract. He only managed 2 points in 5 games and in his final preseason game he had no points and was a -2. Turris, on the other hand, had 3 points in 4 games, with a goal and a +2 in his final game. It came down to Harrison's favorite word in regards to Wellwood: "results."

His one preseason goal was typically Wellwoodian, as he stick-handled the puck directly into the goal on the powerplay (goal at 0:19, replay at 1:26), which the boxscore generously labeled a wrist shot. Also available in that clip is a brief interview with Kyle at 0:55, as well as some praise from no less a source than Shane Doan at 1:14. Unfortunately, after this lofty day, Wellwood came crashing back to earth. With the signing of Eric Belanger, the spots on Phoenix's roster were limited, and they opted to go with the young prospect rather than the cagey vet.

It's hard to disagree with GM Don Maloney's decision, but it's also hard to see Kyle Wellwood's last chance to play in the NHL this season slip away. On the plus side, in the KHL he'll get a chance to skate alongside another former-Canuck oddball, Jan Bulis! The Kurtenblog accurately predicted that this would please us, as Atlant immediately becomes our favorite KHL team.

Wellwood will be the only Canadian on the roster, but not the only North American, as American Jeff Hamilton, who played 157 games in the NHL, has also reportedly signed with Atlant. Wellwood will easily slot into their top-six with Nikolai Zherdev leaving the team in the off-season for a contract with the Philadelphia Flyers. In fact, Kyle could fit into the top line between top KHL scorer Sergei Mozyakin and Jan Bulis. Kyle's shiftiness and stickhandling skills will serve him well on the larger ice surface in the KHL and he should be able to rack up some sizable point totals and hopefully find his way back to the NHL next season.

We'll keep a close eye on Wellwood and Atlant throughout the season through the magic of Google Translate, unless we're able to find a legitimate translator to help us navigate Wellwood's new world.

Wellwood's World Chapter 2: The Oppressive Angst of Waiting

Oftentimes, no news is good news. That is definitely not the case when you're an NHL free agent in the off-season. And when you're a hockey blogger who happens to be a fan of said NHL free agent, no news is excruciating.

We here at Pass it To Bulis! have made no secret of our love for Kyle Wellwood in all his weirdness (though I can't speak for newest PiTB-er, Qris). We think he's nifty and neat, to say the least. And we promised monthly updates with the first chapter of Wellwood's World in July. Unfortunately, it's one month later and there's very little material with which to update.

I certainly thought we'd be discussing his signing with an NHL club in this August chapter of Wellwood's World; don't other NHL teams know he's a defensive superstar? Don't they know he's a mutant with undisclosed superpowers? Don't they know he has 13 points in his last 22 playoff games? Don't they know his faceoff percentage was 53.8%, good for 18th in the NHL?

There aren't even any good rumors floating around. The Vancouver Sun could only manage an article about how tough it is for Kyle Wellwood to still be unsigned at this point in the off-season. In other words, they turned the lack of news into news. Just like I turned the lack of news into a blogpost.

Wellwood hasn't let the angst of free agency get him down (he's likely instead pondering the meaning of free agency in a world that seems intent on defining humanity by limiting real, meaningful choices and instead providing the illusion of choice) and indeed seems to be developing a marked sense of grandeur:

“Obviously, Europe has been after me for a long time and I haven't wanted to go there yet.”

That's the spirit of individualism! All of Europe has been after Kyle, but he has made his own choice to use his talents as he sees fit! Who is John Galt? It seems that he is, after all, Kyle Wellwood!

Wait, he's just talking about the European hockey leagues? Well nevermind then. Here's a picture of a Kyle Wellwood Mii my wife and I made.

Wellwood's World (Chapter I)

Amidst all the big news about recent Canuck acquisitions, awards achieved, prospects camp, the draft, and everything else that's made this offseason fairly interesting, we may be losing sight of the fact that some beloved Canuck alumni are on their way out the door. For us at PiTB!, the greatest of these is Kyle Wellwood. Despite all the things he did well (stickhandling, faceoffs, getting the puck out of the defensive zone, fancy passing), Wellwood was overshadowed by the things he did poorly (shooting, physical presence, being normal, regular passing), and will most likely not be back. While he was unfairly maligned, and actually did a surprisingly excellent job filling the Canucks third-line center position, Wellwood never did enough to impress us on the ice. That his incredible skill rarely translated into tangible results was stupefying, and that his coach would have gleefully replaced him with any other center capable of the job was evident. But somehow, for two years, Wellwood held the spot. Skeeter appreciated what he brought more than I: looking at the stats, he was incredible defensively, despite what it looked like. I tended to flip-flop, often arguing he needed to go for not producing, right up until he scored a big goal or, more often, made a neat play that resulted in nothing. From a stats perspective, he was not incredible offensively, his 18-goal season aside. (Wellwood fancied himself a playmaking center, but only got 20 assists in two seasons with Vancouver.) Hockey or Die was downright baffled by his presence in the NHL.

What Skeeter and I both agreed on, however, was that Kyle Wellwood was weird. He was pudgy. He rarely emoted, and when he did, it looked like this. He had a soft spot for Ayn Rand's lesser works. He used a little, teeny-weeny hockey stick that made it easy to handle the puck and impossible to shoot it with any velocity. Photos indicated he didn't care much about women, preferring to ogle spaghetti, read a book, or be confused by them. Contrasted with Kesler, he appeared to be the least competitive hockey player ever, once remarking that he could not understand how Ryan could take the game so seriously. Wellwood was a strange bird.

And we loved him. We mourn for his loss. We want him back and we are fighting back the urge to be happy with the Manny Malhotra signing. Only Welly satisfies.

So here's what's going to happen: we're not going to let him go. Something tells me Kyle Wellwood is going to find another hockey team looking for a strange center, be it in the NHL (doubtful), the AHL (perhaps), or Europe (ding ding ding!). And wherever he goes, we're going to follow his career in a little feature that we would like to call Wellwood's World. Watch for the Wellwood's World update at least once a month going forward.

And Kyle, if you ever find this blog, let us know you love us as much as we love you.