I Watched This Game: Canucks vs Wild, April 7, 2011

Canucks 5 - 0 Wild

After consecutive losses to the Edmonton Oilers pushed the city of Vancouver to the brink of martial law, you had to think a loss to the Minnesota Wild would be the tipping point. Fans, it seemed, were one poor effort away from killing one another for the contents of their refrigerators. Thankfully, the Canucks staved off a full-scale societal collapse by coming out in this one a little more interested in winning, and they were fortunate to meet a Wild team only to happy to help. The result was a shellacking that will likely quell civil unrest until the team loses again, at which point all the ammo and applesauce I bought will prove quite useful. In the meantime, I watched this game:

• The pregame awards ceremony went pretty much as expected, with Daniel Sedin taking home the MVP, Christian Ehrhoff retaining his best defenseman title, Ryan Kesler winning most exciting player, and Jannik Hansen being named the most unsung. The Presidents Trophy presentation was understated, except for that part where Manny Malhotra showed up, and people went nuts. Talk about crowd pop. It was great to see him. In case you were wondering, Henrik Sedin did not touch the President's Trophy, but I get that whole superstition now. Once you realize that it looks like a crystal bidet, I'm sure any motivation to touch it disappears.

• I especially liked Malhotra's Versace protection sunglasses. It was either that, or a diamond-studded eyepatch.
  

• Marc Donnelly is starting to mix things up. The other night he turned the anthem into a duet. Tonight, he did a different run. If he's trying to reinvent himself, he should call Timbaland.

• After facing criticism for a mild scoring lull to close out the season, Ryan Kesler used tonight as an opportunity to answer back with a hat trick. First, he redeemed himself for his near-infamous powerplay whiff in last Oilers game, where he double-clutched on a tap-in at the goal line and wound up blocking his own shot. He and the Sedins tried the exact same play again, this time with a different result. After successfully making amends on that one, Kesler spent the night bringing his wrist shot back to lethality. He scored two beauties on the rush with perfectly placed snapshots, going high glove side on the first and high stick side on the second (above). Kesler claims he was extra motivated because Farhan Lalji pissed him off earlier in the day. If that's the case, I suggest Farhan Lalji conduct all Ryan Kesler interviews for the duration of the playoffs, with every intent of incensing him: some feel you can't carry this team to a cup. Also, that you're a big dummy. How would you respond to this?

• Frankly, if there was any disappointing aspect to tonight's game, it's that Kesler's hat trick was met with alarmingly few tossed hats. Shocking stat: in terms of personal items thrown on the ice, the ratio of hats to salmon was about even. Not cool, you guys.
  

• Kesler's hat trick goal was his 40th of the season. Quoth John Garrett: 40 is an excellent number. I'm assuming he meant in regards to scoring totals, but he might just like the number 40. Maybe he likes how it looks? He's seen it everywhere this anniversary season, maybe this was a subtle plea for help from a man that's been driven mad by the number's constant presence in his life? He could be completely obsessed with it, like Jim Carrey and 23.

• Early adopters to PITB will recall that, before he and I became Scrabble buddies, Tanner Glass's presence on the third line offended me, especially throughout last year's playoffs. It seems the universe has a wicked sense of humour, as Glass appears to be have garnered a promotion in the absence of Raffi Torres. Soon, my worst nightmares will come true. Next thing you know, Byron Ritche will return to man the powerplay.

• Poor Jannik Hansen. First he lost his center to an eye injury, then he lost his other winger to a suspension. He did an admirable job on his lonesome, even setting up Mason Raymond for the game's opening goal with a beautiful cross-ice pass, but his gloved punch to Pierre Marc-Bouchard was a clear sign that he wants to be suspended too, so the line can be reunited in the press box.

• Speaking of suspensions, frankly, Greg Zanon's 1st period elbow to the head of Maxim Lapierre might have warranted one that stretched into the playoffs. Lucky for Zanon, the Wild didn't make the playoffs.

• Both of Mason Raymond's goals came on wrist shots after fancy setups, the first from Jannik Hansen, and the second from Daniel Sedin, but they weren't tap-ins. Raymond put himself in great position to receive both passes, and these are places he might not go while playing the wing. He was also the only faceoff guy to finish over 50% on the night. He appears to be adapting to his new role as third-line center quite well. It makes sense. There's a little less pressure to score, it's harder to get over to the side boards and circle the zone, and there's a little more ice. Mason Raymond really likes extra ice. Whenever he goes to Earl's, he asks the waitress to make sure there's plenty in his drink; otherwise, his soda is much too strong.

• With both Mason Raymond and Ryan Kesler flirting with a hat trick, and everyone trying to make sure Daniel Sedin gets the last touch, I started the appropriate hashtag: #passittoraymondorkeslerbutfirstpassittodanielsohecangetapoint. I had low expectations for it. Then it trended in Vancouver. I'm not sure what to think about this.
  

• Alain Vigneault rolled all four lines, resulting in steady icetime for everyone, save Jeff Tambellini. Tambellini played eight and a half minutes. No other Canuck played less than fourteen. When you can't find icetime for Jeff Tambellini in a blowout in the last home game of the season, it's safe to say you aren't trying. Victor Oreskovich might want to reserve an airport shuttle.

• Last night marked the return of Alex Edler to the lineup. He looked good, albeit a little out of sync. He also seemed determined to regain some lost ground in the hits category. He had a game-high four hits in this game, which, as Jeff Paterson tweeted, should answer some questions going forward. Questions like: who led the game in hits and In what category did Alex Edler lead the game? Also: which game did Alex Edler lead in hits?

• Edler was immediately returned to his initial pairing with Christian Ehrhoff, sending Sami Salo to the bottom pairing with Keith Ballard. This is the match the Canucks have been hoping to make all season, but injuries have prevented Sami and Keith from being together long enough to click. Looks like they finally get together in the end. If this sounds a lot like a romantic comedy, that's because it is. After the game, Sami found out he was the subject of a bet to make him over and get him elected prom queen. Expect a last act poolside dance.

• Speaking of bets, Roberto Luongo picked up his fourth shutout of the season last night, much to his surprise, and he told reporters that, prior to the third period, he and Cory Schneider bet on who would break the goose egg. Schneider picked Miettinen. Luongo picked Edler. Chew on this: what if Edler actually had scored an own goal, but Miettinen had the last touch? SUCH A DISPUTE IS UNSOLVABLE.
  

Cory Schneider Needs to Play Two More Games

The William M. Jennings Trophy is awarded annually to the goalies for the team that allows the fewest goals against. The Vancouver Canucks have allowed 181 goals this season, three fewer than the Boston Bruins, who have four games remaining to the Canucks three. If the Canucks can avoid ugly performances like Saturday's flop, there's a good chance that the Canucks goalies will take home the prize.

Or rather, Roberto Luongo will take home the prize.

More of Keith Ballard's Worst Pranks

You might recall from an earlier PITB piece that Ballard is a noted prankster; he just happens to be terrible at it. It's true. He's worse than Jeff Bridges. You also might recall that Atlanta, where the Canucks play tonight, is the site of his worst prank ever: a two-handed baseball swing to the mask of Florida goaltender Tomas Vokoun.

Obviously, bludgeoning your goaltender in the ear is a pretty ill-conceived prank, and Ballard's had a hard time living it down since he came to Vancouver. Recall this bit of ribbing from earlier in the year:

On the wall in the visitors room there often is taped a sheet for players to sign up for tickets for friends or family in the road city. Among the handful of requests for tickets to tonight's game, someone wrote K. Ballard in the 'donor' column and T. Vokoun under 'recipient.'

With that in mind, it was a no-brainer that a return to the scene of the crime would mean an uptick in jokes at his expense. His teammates have been giving it to him all day, pretending to break their sticks on the goal post in warmup, and providing awesome quotes like this one, courtesy Roberto Luongo (via Brad Zeimer):

"I try not to make eye contact with him at all," Luongo said. "He might snap at any second. Hopefully, he won't be on the ice when we get scored on."

It's pretty clear that everybody knows Keith Ballard is the sort of guy who can take a joke. Yesterday, Kevin Bieksa described Christian Ehrhoff as serious, focused, and "basically the opposite of Keith Ballard." In other words, Ballard's got a pretty solid sense of humour. Not since Marc Bergevin have the Canucks had a guy in the locker room so dedicated to keeping things light, and please keep that in mind the next time you rip the Ballard acquisition. He's an invaluable team guy who should really help the team come playoff time, when things get uncomfortably serious.

Keith Ballard brings the funny. If his impeccable comedic timing wasn't already apparent, consider this line, dryly delivered by Ballard when asked about the infamous baseball swing: "I'm fast so I would have got a double out of that."

If you think he's taking a pretty serious situation lightly, keep in mind that, when you prank as regularly and woefully as Keith Ballard does, you're going to have more than a few go a bit pear-shaped. You get used to it. Here, for example are ten more crummy Keith Ballard pranks you might not have known about:

I Watched This Game: Canucks at Red Wings, March 23, 2011

Canucks 2 - 1 Red Wings

Anyone hoping for another game of the year candidate between the two best teams in the Western Conference was likely a little let down by last night's affair, which saw both teams play hard--just not too hard. With only ten games to go in the regular season, the Canucks and the Red Wings have begun looking forward to the playoffs, which means approaching these final matches cautiously and ensuring everyone is healthy and ready for the next set of games that will matter. Unsurprisingly, then, this game was decided by who played and who didn't, as Pavel Datsyuk's absence rendered Detroit notably less dangerous, and Daniel Sedin's presence, after rushing back to join the team for reasons of his own, made the difference. Dank scored both Vancouver goals. And, just as Daniel was determined to play in this game, I was equally determined to watch it. The good news is that we both succeeded. I watched this game:

• How can you tell the outcome of this game was secondary to injury avoidance while playing it? The piddly number of blocked shots. Detroit and Vancouver had a measly 13 between them. The Canucks had four. Two of those were attributed to Alex Bolduc, which makes a lot of sense. Bolduc is likely the only player in the Canucks lineup with any motivation to block shots. He'll be lucky if he gets many more chances to prove be should be part of the playoff roster; he's got no choice but to tempt fate and try to impress. Meanwhile, the Red Wings had nine blocked shots, but four of them were from Niklas Kronwall, who apparently didn't get the memo. This might be the only time of the year when coaches are begging players not to sacrifice their bodies, and guys are diving away from shots like synchronized swimmers.

• Speaking of Alex Bolduc, do you think he should send Gord Miller a box of chocolates with a captioned photo of himself at the bottom? For the entirety of the night, Miller kept calling him Andre. That is incorrect. "Alex" is Bolduc's first name. "Andre" is a precocious baby sea lion.

• Roberto Luongo was fantastic, as he has been for much of the season. After a slow start to the year, likely attributed to the adjustments called for by new goalie coach Rollie Melanson, Funny Bob has been fairly consistent all year. Courtesy Jason Botchford: he hasn't been pulled once in 2011, and he's let in 4 goals only one time. Luongo is now first in the NHL in wins, third in SV%, fourth in GAA, and leading the Canucks towards a first ever Jennings trophy. Put succinctly: he's good. In last night's affair, he made 39 saves, (several of the category amazeballs) and he kept the Canucks in the game during a one-sided first period and a few intense third-period assaults. He appears to be on his game heading into the playoffs, and this can only be a good thing, unless it turns out his game is shuffleboard.

• Don't get me started on his lack of shutouts. It should be obvious to everyone that Luongo always purposefully lets in one, so the team won't be too hungry next time. It's called The Snack Goal Principle.

• You'd have thought Daniel Sedin would be jet-lagged or something, but the in-flight movie was The Last Airbender, so he got a lot of sleep. One day after his wife gave birth to a new baby girl, Daniel scored both the opening goal and the game-winner, proving that witnessing the miracle of life makes you a better hockey player. Someone send Toronto a DVD of Knocked Up. With the two points, Daniel pushed his lead over Steven Stamkos to nine, impressed the Eastern Hart voters who only watch games in their time zone, and, more importantly, maintained the seven-point gap between he and that gloryhog Henrik. Daniel's first goal, banked off the skate of Niklas Lidstrom (akin to dunking on Lebron James), was the 12th time this season he's potted the game's first goal. No wonder he has more kids than his brother; he initiates more scoring.

• The best goal of the game was the Canucks' powerplay game-winner (above). Take some time to watch what all five members do. Salo and Ehrhoff pass the puck back and forth, trying to open up lanes for a point shot. They both get a clear shot, but neither gets through. When the Wings look to get the puck out, Salo pinches, Ehrhoff takes off to the red line to cover him. Kris Draper gets to the puck, he sees Salo coming. Worse, Henrik has already gotten into his clearing lane, so he turns back, then makes a poor clearing attempt, which Henrik recovers anyway. While all of is going on, Ryan Kesler is causing absolute havoc in front. First, he topples over Jimmy Howard, causing Howard to lose his stick. No call, because Howard's way out of his crease and he initiates the contact by diving for the puck. Then, Kesler takes Brad Stuart's legs out with a subtle drive-by trip. No call again, because conspiracies against the Canucks are topped only by conspiracies against the Red Wings. Niklas Kronwall tries to shade over and take away a pass to Kesler, but this opens up a stupid amount of room for Henrik and Daniel, who just pound away with the same cross-ice pass and one-timer until there's simply too much chaos to overcome, and the puck goes in. Color me impressed. And Badd.

• I wonder if there was ever a plan to ease Kevin Bieksa back into the lineup, because if there was, someone screwed up bigtime. Juice played the most minutes of any Canuck at 23:19, immediately returning to his top pairing with Dan Hamhuis. Bieksa played excellent, although he looked a little shaky on his skates, at times, including one icing call where Valteri Filppula gave him a late nudge and he fell into the boards. The best part of that incident was when the two linesman skated in to separate the men, and Bieksa, while standing right between them, slashed Filppula in the calf. Are you surprised? This is a guy who punched out a teammate during his first training camp. Kevin "Stagger Lee" Bieksa would shoot a man in a crowded saloon in a dispute over a hat. He's so badass.

• Bieksa did get a reprieve from the night's toughest assignment, however, as Dan "Community Man" Hamhuis took Bieksa's regular job of battling with Tomas Holmstrom in front. He did an admirable job, too, twice alleviating Detroit zone pressure by taking Holmstrom off the ice with a penalty. It was nice of Hamhuis to give Bieksa the night off; he took a beating for him, much like the time he recovered that old lady's purse from that unruly street gang, or the time he saved that young woman from those pipe wrench-wielding thugs.

• Victor Oreskovich had a good game, highlighted by one stellar 2nd period shift during which he set up three quality scoring chances from behind the net. First he muscled out in front for two shots. Then he made a beautiful centring pass. Then when the puck came back to him, he made a tape-to-tape pass to the point. This is likely the only time Oreskovich will ever receive this adjective, but it was positively Malkinesque. Nothing came of it, but it was nice to see flashes of NHL hands from the big man. That said, because they were under gloves, we don't know that they were actually his hands. They could have been the devil's hands. I've seen this before. Has he suddenly improved at playing the holophonor?

• Ryan Kesler was the big faceoff winner, going 13-for-18 in the circle, including 11-for-13 in the offensive zone. Curiously, however, he didn't take a single draw in the neutral zone. Apparently Kesler, like sparkling wine, is only for special occasions. Of the 12 faceoffs between the blue lines, Henrik took six, and Lapierre and Bolduc took three apiece.

• Raffi Torres had three hits, but you'd think he was out for the season too. I feel like I haven't seen him since Malhotra went down. He clearly drew a lot of confidence from playing with Manny, and now he's going to have to dig deep and discover it was inside him all along, or something. But Manny Malhotra died over thirty years ago...

• With the win over Detroit, the Canucks only need to win three of their final eight to win the Western Conference. It seems a foregone conclusion at this point, especially since they still haven't dropped two consecutive regulation games since November, and even alternating wins and losses to keep this trend alive means they'll win four. May as well start stitching that banner.

Is Gary Rocking a Jersey Foul?

This is Gary. We met him down by the glass in San Jose, before the Canucks came out for their warmup. You'll notice that Gary is wearing a Roberto Luongo jersey with the C on it.

Gary spawned a hearty debate amongst our group (a group which included myself, Skeeter, our wives, San Jose fan Art, and Kari, our Worst Contest Ever winner) over whether or not this was a foul. If you're wearing a player's jersey with a C on it, and that player never wore the C, that's a foul. There's actually a square on Jersey Foul Bingo for this exact foul. But Luongo is a special case, right? You see, while Roberto Luongo was the captain of the Canucks last year, he was forbidden by the NHL from actually wearing the C on his chest because he's a goalie. By the letter of the letter law, he never wore the jersey Gary is wearing, and that's a foul. That said, Luongo was the captain, and probably should have been able to wear the C on the ice. And, as Art pointed out, he actually did, once: in the 08-09 team photo. Is that enough to give this one a pass?

I've never cared for the practice of sneaking pictures of jersey fouls, because I don't like taking sneaky photos of people and putting them on the Internet in order to make fun of them. Doesn't seem right. With that in mind, I approached Gary for a fully honest pic, his opinion on the matter, and to find out whether or not he put the C on the jersey himself, perhaps as some sort of protest against a silly league rule. Unfortunately, he couldn't remember if he bought the jersey that way or not.

Gary was a good sport about the whole thing. He told me that he thought it wasn't a foul (he was biased). His friend Sandeep, however, agreed with me. "Dude," Sandeep said, "You're a foul."

Maybe he is. What do you guys think?

Wellwood's World, Chapter 10: Welly's Not Right, But He's Not Wrong

When we last left Kyle Wellwood, he was happy. Why wouldn't he be? Things are going swell for Welly. He's expecting his first child; his experience in Russia taught him a newfound respect for his home continent, as he no longer has to contend with dogs for the best links of sausage; he's fitting in beautifully in San Jose.

In 25 games, he's got 4 goals and 2 assists. Welly's also a +6, having only been a minus player once (two days ago). He remains an oft-kilter defensive stalwart. The Sharks are 18-4-3 since he joined the team. After Moscow, any NHL team would have sufficed, but Welly appears to have ridden the waiver wire to a mighty fine situation.

However, if Moscow has been happily banished to the past, his time in Vancouver remains a fresh memory. Interest in the Windsor native continues here, even though he now plays for one of the Canucks' stiffest rivals, and perhaps their most daunting potential postseason opponent.

That said, if he was hoping to put out some of the fires still burning for him in the Lower Mainland he certainly poured some water on them when he suggested the Canucks, season-long Stanley Cup favourites, didn't have the mettle to win it all this year. It was last week's most adorable heel turn.

I Watched This Game: Canucks vs. Blue Jackets, March 1, 2011

Canucks 2 - 1 Blue Jackets (SO)

It's a shame that the Canucks weren't wearing their retro jerseys, because this game was a total throwback. The team played poorly, showing a complete lack of offensive flair and a general disarray throughout, but thankfully, Roberto Luongo stood tall and singlehandedly kept them in the game. You'd have thought it was 2006. Funny Bob made 30 stops on the night, and it seemed as though every other one was a game-saver. He was in perfect position all evening, too, making partial breakaways and point-blank chances look completely non-threatening. And his reward for perhaps his best effort of the season? The longest shootout ever. Lucky Lou, you know how he loves a breakaway competition. Thankfully, he was game for that too, just like I was game to watch him, when I watched this game:

• Luongo had tiger blood tonight (second only to unicorn blood from blood unicorns). His best save of the evening came when he stopped RJ Umberger on a breakaway, but it wasn't just about the save. It was the way he made sure to get a piece of Umberger's ankle as the center went past, putting him off-balance and sending him, spinning, into the corner, so as to prevent any rebound chances. That was most definitely on purpose.

• Aaron Rome took an interesting "illegal stick" penalty at 6:14 of the third period. His stick hadn't broken; he merely lost it. As he skated to the boards to cut off the Blue Jacket puck carrier, he picked up Scotty Upshall's stick, also-dropped, and used it to tie up the man. Originally, it seemed like a heady move, but the referee blew play dead immediately to call an infraction. What was it? Rule 10.3 of the official NHL rulebook states: A player who has lost or broken his stick may only receive a stick at his own players’ bench or be handed one from a teammate on the ice. Hence, Rome can't pick up Scotty Upshall's stick without getting a penalty. You can't play with an opponent's stick. For instance, Mikko Koivu is not allowed to lose his stick, then rip Bobby Ryan's stick from right out of his hands, and use that instead. And neither can Ryan then pick up Mikko Koivu's dropped stick, score a goal, and taunt Koivu with his stick immediately afterwards. That would be a penalty for sure.

• The crowd was eerily quiet. It was like classic Buffy episode Hush; you'd have thought all their voices had been stolen by The Gentlemen. I can't help but wonder if a little home crowd support might have spurred the team to, you know, play well, but on the plus side, the muted crowd allowed the play cameras to pick up a number of on ice F-bombs.

• I love when power forwards like Rick Nash have full beards. They look so freaking intimidating. Mind you, it's not just posturing with Nash. Any time the puck is on his stick, it's concerning. It's a shame he plays in Columbus. Imagine if he played in a city that knew they had an NHL team.

• Mason Raymond finally broke his scoring slump with a pretty little backhand goal (above) generated by some great board work by Ryan Kesler. Watching a player break an extended scoring drought like that is one of the rewards of following a team closely. Knowing the context, it was hard not to feel his joy, to beam while he was beaming. He was visibly excited, letting out a triumphant "Woo!" on the bench after the goal. I haven't seen Raymond that excited since the team pitched in to buy him a new alarm clock (joke explained: Mason Raymond is boring). Raymond seemed inspired by the goal, and he netted another beauty in the shootout with some fabulous stickwork and skate control to freeze Steve Mason. Raymond had four shots on goal, tops among forwards. Raymond wasn't perfect, mind you. He missed a whopping five shots on the night. In perspective: the rest of the team, combined, missed eight.

• Mind you, that's not as bad as Ryan Kesler, who had zero shots on net last night, with seven attempts blocked. Do you think getting in front of his wrister has become a top priority? Now that he's a known sniper, he's going to have to work a lot harder to create a shooting lane. Later that night, in the shootout, Henrik Sedin showed exemplary leadership when he modeled for Kesler how to get people to quit respecting your shot.

• I liked Alain Vigneault's smirk at the bench during the shootout. What was so funny? My guess is he was imagining the Bluth family do their various chicken dances.

• Keith Ballard had five blocked shots and three hits in three minutes of icetime fewer than Aaron Rome. Aaron Rome may be a forgotten Scrabbler, but Alain Vigneault never seems to forget to play him.

• The great thing about having a shootout go on for so long is that you're guaranteed an unlikely hero. Seriously, Vigneault's next shooter was Frodo Baggins. That said, this thing could have been over much sooner if one of the coaches had realized the secret to the shootout: send out guys who used to play for the opponent. Instant win. No surprise, then, that Raffi Torres was the game's unlikely hero.

• You have to feel bad for Maxim Lapierre, whose first game went about as poorly as it possibly could have. He only played five minutes, but boy, were they eventful. In his first shift as a Canuck, he took a minor penalty. During the first intermission, he likely told himself to calm down, because the worst was over. Then, in his first shift of the second period, the Blue Jackets scored. During the second intermission, he probably told himself things could only improve, and he was likely quite excited when nothing untoward happened on his first shift of the third period. Unfortunately, this would be last shift of the game. On the plus side, he finished on a positive note, and was named the game's thirty-first star.

• Scotty Upshall was kind of amazing last night. His shot on Columbus's lone goal was downright unstoppable, like picking a fight with a warlock.

• Dan "Community Man" Hamhuis's hipcheck on Jakub Voracek was a real thing of beauty. I like how, when Keith Ballard pulls off a hipcheck, the recipient gets pissed, but when Hamhuis does it, the recipient just understands. Mind you, maybe it's because Hamhuis is such a nice guy, he only hipchecks when he suspects a guy need a minor spinal adjustment. Hamhuis runs an on-ice chiropractic clinic. Of course it's free.

• The Canucks' powerplay is beginning to dry up in the absence of its quarterback, Alex Edler. There have been games where Mikael Samuelsson has been able to keep it humming along, but when he has a lackadaisical outing like last night, the unit falls apart. Sami Salo saw a promotion to the top unit in the third period, but it wasn't enough to get the game-winner during a four minute powerplay to close out regulation time. There was a lingering sense that this would come back to haunt them, like some sort of powerplay poltergeist, bringing clowns to life and whatnot.

• And finally, we would be remiss not to talk about the high number of pratfalls in last night's game. People were running into one another, tripping over blue lines, and flubbing on shots and passes all evening. It was high octane physical comedy. Halfway through the game, the organist abandoned the setlist and started playing music from Buster Keaton's The General.

I Watched This Game: Canucks vs. Blackhawks, February 4, 2011

Canucks 4 - 3 Blackhawks

Was that an exciting game or what? The correct answer is not "what." Chicago came out flying tonight and put the Canucks on their heels through most of this game. It can be argued that they deserved the win: a questionable no-goal call went against the 'Hawks and the Canucks' first goal was demonstrably offside. Having felt the burn of poor officiating in the past, I certainly sympathize with Blackhawks' fans. At the same time, the 'Hawks had ample opportunity to win this game and gave up two leads, so it's a little unfair to place the blame solely on the referees.

In any case, the Canucks were, arguably, outplayed in this game. But, their best players were their best players and they won. It was marvelous. I watched this game.

• We at PITB have frequently complained about Luongo's tendency to use his glove to punch pucks rather than catch them. Tonight Luongo proved that Rollie Melanson reads Pass it to Bulis. Clearly Melanson took our complaints to heart and taught Luongo the proper use of his trapper. One of his finest glove saves can be seen above, but there seemed to be dozens of slick glove stops from Lu in this game. He was very, very good. It took a wide-open all-star and two rather unfortunate bounces tonight to get the puck past him.

• Chris Tanev made up for Luongo's lack of punchiness by punching in the Blackhawks' third goal. It was an unfortunate moment for the rookie who has played remarkably well since being called up. Unfortunately, with Andrew Alberts set to return soon and Sami Salo remaining remarkably uninjured during his first game for the Manitoba Moose, Tanev won't be with the Canucks for much longer. Still, he has vaulted his way up the depth chart like an angry pole vaulter and I have a feeling we'll see a lot more of him in the future.

• The Canucks' top line combined for 12 shots on goal and had another 9 attempts blocked or miss the net. They seemed to be the only line that was able to create sustained offensive pressure. Henrik finished with a goal and two assists to earn first-star honors. His bloodthirsty brother not only became the NHL's leading scorer tonight, he also passed Markus Naslund to become the Canucks' all-time record holder for game-winning goals. Remember when people used to claim the Sedins weren't clutch?

• Cody Hodgson had a decent game despite barely playing. A big reason for Ehrhoff's goal was Hodgson's smart play in gaining the zone and throwing the puck on net, which Tanner Glass reciprocated, creating the massive rebound for Ehrhoff to blast past Turco. Discussions of the offside nature of the goal aside, that was a hell of a slapshot. It ripped a hole in time, love and space, and was behind Turco before Ehrhoff even shot it.

• On the other hand, Hodgson went 1-for-5 in the faceoff circle and only played 7:11. And he left the ice too quickly to get a +1 in his plus-minus column. Kesler, Malhotra, and Henrik made up for Hodgson's lack in the circle, going 14-for-21, 10-for-15, and 12-for-16 respectively. Unfortunately, the Canucks went 8-for-20 in the defensive zone, a big reason why the Blackhawks always seemed to be there.

• The TSN intermission crew did a great job analyzing the two controversial plays, one highlighting the fact that Ehrhoff's goal was indeed offside and one showing that Troy Brouwer did in fact make contact with Luongo's blocker on Bolland's controversial disallowed Chicago goal. Still, the fact that it was such a minuscule piece of contact means it's still a bit of a sketchy call.

• Rough night for the third line, as they all finished on the minus side of the ledger. Particularly rough for Hansen, who finished a game-low -3 as he was on the ice for all three Chicago goals. It's unfortunate for Torres, as he was very noticeable on the ice tonight, throwing a couple solid checks and blocking 3 shots. Malhotra was solid in the faceoff circle, but was thoroughly victimized by Jonathan Toews on the Blackhawks' first goal, as he was squeezed off the puck against the boards and wasn't able to recover to pressure Toews before the shot.

• Aaron Rome played a physical game: he was only credited with 2 hits, but they were big, noticeable hits. Unfortunately, he also was credited with 3 giveaways and almost cost the Canucks a goal when he tried to give Luongo a hug behind the net. To his credit, he recovered and slid behind Luongo to make a knee save on the subsequent goalscoring chance, but it was a clear sign that he has missed a few games and is a bit out of sync. That by itself is a reason to get him back into the game ahead of Lee Sweatt. An out-of-sync Rome in the playoffs would be potentially disastrous.

• Hips laid out Kopecky with a solid hipcheck, then followed it up with a picture perfect shotblock, also on Kopecky. You may have also noticed Luongo's enormous glove save on Kopecky at the top of the page. Basically, it wasn't a good night to be Kopecky. It was almost as bad as the Olympics, when the closed captioning spelled out his name as "Could Pets Ski." Unfortunate.

• Ehrhoff doesn't seem to get angry very often, but when he does, look out. He flipped out on Stalberg, flailing around like a Flail Snail. I admit, I only wanted to mention this so I could link to the Flail Snail. Seriously. Flail Snail.

• Samuelsson has been fantastic lately: he had 5 shots on goal, including this blast from the point on the powerplay that deflected past Turco. Even prettier, however, was his pass on Henrik's goal. Leading up to the goal were, of course, two Sedin backpasses, but those are so routine that pointing them out seems superfluous. Meanwhile, Kesler braved the crotch-hacking dangers of the front of the net, and set a perfect screen on Turco. So everyone was involved except Ehrhoff, who was too busy daydreaming about punching Stalberg.

• Daniel's gamewinning goal was a prime example of Wizardous Sedinerie: Daniel clearly used Mage Hand to levitate that puck over Turco. Now, since there were no somatic or verbal components, he must have both Silent Spell and Still Spell as feats. Applying both feats would increase the level of the spell by 2, meaning that Daniel Sedin must be, at minimum, a third-level Wizard.

• I'm a big fan of Ray Ferraro. He's one of the best colour commentators in the business. I don't have a joke here, I just felt like it needed to be said.

• An indication of how good a game Luongo had can be found by looking at the Blackhawks' four leading shooters: Patrick Sharp and Brian Campbell had 6 shots apiece and Marian Hossa and Patrick Kane had 7 each. Not one of them scored. Luongo answered the ultimate question of life, the universe, and everything with 42 saves.

I Watched This Game: Canucks at Avalanche, January 18, 2011

Canucks 3 - 4 Avalanche (OT)

Give the Canucks credit for showing up to play this one. After a horrendous outing in Minnesota exposed their tired road legs, the excuses for a second consecutive poor performance were readymade. Instead, the Canucks vehemently defied the wishes of their bodies in Colorado, and kept up with the speedy Avalanche. They outshot the Avs 43 to 30 and picked up a well-earned point. It could have been two points, even, had the Canucks managed to push through their mental sluggishness the way they did their physical sluggishness.

Unfortunately for them, it was not so, and the mental mistakes came fast and furious. Bad penalties; bad passes; bad reads; lazy backchecks. Against a young, aggressive team like the Avalanche, that crap's not gonna fly. Although, by getting the regulation tie, I guess it sort of did. Hmm. Okay, it did, but then, in the end, it didn't (not unlike the Avro Arrow). Whatever. I watched this game:

• Likely, neither team will be completely happy with the way they played (the Canucks were slow and sloppy, and the Avalanche let a tired road team take the lead three times) but both teams will be happy to leave the stadium with points. (It's like sports day in grade school. Everybody gets a ribbon!) And the Canucks have to be pleased with their Temple of Doom performance, in which they reached inside of themselves and played their hearts out.

• The Canucks' power play covers all manner of sins sometimes. Both Edler and Ehrhoff blasted PP goals from the point that gave their team the lead, and these goals were vital. Had the Canucks had to open up and play from behind for even one second in this game, their suspect defensive play would have been even more prominent, and it could have gotten out of hand.

• It's been a long time since the Canucks have had a sexy callup like Sergei Shirokov, so it was nice to see him play a standout game in his first NHL action this year. He scored his first career goal on a beautiful move (above), and he had a game-high six shots. But, before you get excited, consider he's played two fewer games this month--and nine fewer NHL games. He had fresh legs. He was like Anne Bancroft on skates, his legs were so fresh. Let's wait to see whether or not he can be a standout when the rest of his team isn't playing on fumes, but he was a breath of fresh air last night. Most importantly, he looked capable of creating his own offense, something Kesler's wings have to be able to do. A good start for Shirok.

• The other callup, Chris Tanev, acquitted himself admirably as well. He finished the night a minus-1, but it's hard to fault him on the Luongo misplay that gave David Jones his first of two on the night. Jones was his man, for sure, but everyone in the building thought Luongo would swallow up that puck as it came off the boards. Other than that, Tanev was solid. He got on the ice for just under thirteen minutes, far more than anyone would have expected. He admirably broke up a 3-on-1 when Keith Ballard heeded Qris's advice to step it up, pranks-wise and decided to pull the old fall-down-so-the-rookie-has-to-fend-off-a-3-on-1 routine. Funny guy, that Ballard.

• Don't tell the Vancouver media I said this, but here's your proof that the star awards mean nothing: Alex Edler was named the game's third star. Clearly, someone didn't watch the game (probably John Garrett, who has made a living watching games, but always seems to be attending his first one). While it's true that Edler had a standout game offensively with a goal and an assist, he played one of his worst games of the season defensively. He constantly lost his man, he bobbled pucks at the blue line, he looked dreadfully slow. Despite finishing the game even in the plus/minus category, Edler was on the ice for two Colorado goals, both on the penalty kill, and both times he got absolutely embarrassed by David Jones in front of the net. Jones isn't a small guy, but Edler's bigger, and the fact that Edler allowed himself to get moved right out of the play twice is unacceptable. Watch the highlight package. Colorado goals one and four are mirror images of one another, as Jones simply shades Edler into the useless area, opening up the exact same cross-ice pass. On the first goal, you can find Edler at the side of the net when the pass comes across. On the fourth goal, that's him in the middle, lazily dropping down to block nothing, opening up the same pass and rendering himself helpless to prevent Jones from finding the rebound. A terrible game from #23.

• Kevin Bieksa, on the other hand, played solidly. Nearly every shift, he was breaking up an odd-man rush or clearing the zone before things got dangerous. He finished with 2 hits, 4 takeaways and 3 blocked shots, and considering these three stats are typically undercounted (especially when you play for the road team), that's one hell of a stat line.

• Keith Ballard had a decent game as well, but has anyone noticed how often this guy falls? He's like an ancient empire on skates. Methinks Keith "Babylon" Ballard needs to heed the words of the prophet Jeremiah.

• Is Adam Foote a diplomat's son? He's clearly got some sort of immunity. Foote's a handsy guy, but it doesn't seem to matter who he grabs, punches, or holds--there's never a call. He could grope the First Lady and someone would call it a smart, veteran play.

• The referees missed some egregious offenses, but Raffi Torres sure made it easy on them, huh? Both of his penalties were of the are-you-kidding-me variety, especially his second one. Who tugs on a jersey? Not since Theodore Tugboat have I seen such pathetic tugging. Skeeter and I observed that Raffi Torres has three modes: 1) skateskateskateskate 2) get puck, and 3) put puck. Unfortunately, none of the three modes is any more detailed than that, and Raffi often skimps on the details. Torres is playing some dumb hockey right now. I wouldn't be surprised if he suffers a benching in the near future.

• Speaking of penalties, Henrik Sedin's penalty in overtime was fully warranted. Granted, his man went down easy, but everyone knows there are a two situations where you should never stick your arm out. The first is when you're chasing to break up a two-on-one. The second is when you're on a school bus. That's how you lose a limb.

• A better performance by Roberto Luongo and the Canucks probably leave Denver with a win. He'll get no pass; he was the freshest Canuck and he should have played like it. When your star goaltender is rested and your team isn't, you need a star goaltending performance, and the Canucks didn't get it. The second and third goals are both ones he probably should have had. Know what else he should have had? A Bacon Mushroom Melt. It's only ever at Wendy's for a limited time, and it's delicious. But now it's gone, and who knows how long he'll have to wait for them to bring it back? /regret
  

• And finally, Jeff Tambellini was the fourth-line center last night, and while he did a fine job (especially in the faceoff circle, where he was 5-for-6) I'm not sure I like him and Mason Raymond on that line together. They're too tiny, and tiny on the fourth line is a bad idea, unless it's an ironic nickname for someone huge, like Tiny, the classic character from SNES's Clayfighter.
  

Roberto Luongo's Return to Form

The captaincy mitigated Luongo's ability to take the overserious Vancouver media lightly.

Last Wednesday, Roberto Luongo appeared on the Team 1040 morning show with Scotty Rintoul and Jason Botchford. Among other topics, he talked about winning streaks, shootouts, and first star salutes. It was innocuous. Then, towards the end of the telephone interview, Jason Botchford asked an interesting question. "I find that you're having a lot more fun," he said, "Do you feel that way as well?"

Luongo's response was fascinating to me:

"I try to have fun every time I go out there. You know, maybe I try to have more fun with you guys, that might be a difference. But, I mean, playing the game has always been fun for me. That's not gonna change or has changed this year. I think I'm trying to be more loose in the locker room around the media, and not take it so seriously as I have in the past."

It's interesting that, in his response to a much more open-ended question, Luongo zeroed in on his approach to the media. I think it speaks to a few things:

First, as much as we think we know these guys, we really don't. We piece together our picture of athletes like Roberto Luongo from soundbytes and speculation, long articles drawn from short statements (much like this piece). And that's not to say that anyone is being dishonest--only that we're not getting the full picture. How can we? Outside of games, we only see Luongo in his interaction with the media, which is a little like only seeing somebody in their interaction with the department of motor vehicles. Seeing how someone deals with a necessary nuisance will only give you a limited perspective, and if you're not careful, you'll mistakenly assume it's a larger picture than it is. In this case, Luongo appears to have fully changed because his interactions with the media--the only interactions we see--have changed.

Second, I was wrong. The captaincy really did affect Luongo negatively. That said, it's not for the reasons you might think. He wasn't burdened by the responsibility of leadership, and by all accounts, he did a fabulous job. He remains a vital part of the leadership core and definitely has the tools to lead that room. However, he wasn't prepared for the sudden change in his relationship with the media. Suffice it to say, he didn't like it.

Ask it to Bulis: The Greatest Canucks' Moustache & Other Inquiries

Ask it to Bulis is a regular feature wherein casual readers and hardcore Bulies alike can put their questions to two guys no more qualified to answer than they are. Harrison and Daniel preside:


Greatest Canucks' mustache: Babych or Snepsts? -- @staticotaku

H: Tough first question. I'm gonna go with Snepsts, and for totally subjective reasons. It was a slightly fuller, more unkempt mustache that covered a little more area. And because of its downward curvature, he looks the most like Mr. Johnson, the beleaguered blue Muppet who constantly makes the mistake of eating at Charlie's Restaurant, where Waiter Grover works. I have so much sympathy for Mr. Johnson, as there were clearly no other restaurants in Sesame Street (like the Red Robin in Maple Ridge), I can't help but love Harold Snepsts.

D: I have to disagree. Babych has the classier, more kempt moustache. It was big and bushy, but under control. Snepsts has a classic 'stache, but it's just a little too out-of-control for my tastes. There's a reason Babych is #7 on this list of top ten 'staches in all of sports and Snepsts doesn't even warrant a mention.

H: Because MSN.com has the last word on this, apparently.

This Is Not a Story: Roberto Luongo Edition

On Wednesday night, the Canucks continued their stellar streak, winning their 7th game in a row. They are 16-1-2 in their last 19 games. Daniel Sedin scored the 10,000th goal in franchise history. Luongo put up 43 saves and was named the 1st star of the game. And, oh yeah, he didn't come out onto the ice after being named the 1st star like he normally does.

One of these things is not like the others. One of these things just doesn't belong. One of these things is not a story.

And yet, the coverage immediately following the game from both the Vancouver Sun and Province hockey blogs would seem to indicate that the biggest story of the entire night was Luongo not skating out for the first star. And Jason Botchford for the Province devoted an entire article to this complete non-story.

From the 'What If' Files: The Luongo Hat-Trick

Having gone 16-1-2 in their last nineteen games (or, 13-1-2 since Head Poke Kid), the Canucks are riding a wave of positivity so grand it makes unbiased reporting impossible. How can the Vancouver media, typically blessed to cover a team so consistently mediocre, remain neutral when the play of the Canucks is awe-inspiring?

Nitpick, that's how. And forecast future negatives. Maybe the Canucks have peaked too early. What if there's an injury? What if the move the Canucks make to clear up capspace for Salo creates a hole in their depth? Well, we at PITB aren't in the business of forecasting potential negatives (although we dabble in babcocking). As the alternative media, we seek to be alternative at every turn. If the mainstream media is imagining things that could potentially go very wrong, we're going to imagine things that could go potentially right. What if, for example, the Roberto Luongo got a hat-trick in Madison Square Garden? Consider the following not impossible scenario:

I Watched This Game: Canucks vs. Flames, January 5, 2011

Canucks 3 - 1 Flames

The Canucks showed why they're first in the NHL with a calm, easy-going win against the regrettably terrible Flames. As I've mentioned before, I miss the days when these games were bitter battles against a legitimate rival. Instead, the Flames are a sad-sack team that bears no threat. The Canucks were content to allow the Flames to set the pace and control the puck, confident that Luongo and the defense could contend with the Flames' efforts and confident that the forwards could capitalize on their opportunities.

They were absolutely right. The Flames outshot the Canucks 44-21 but never once threatened to win the game as the Canucks took the lead early and calmly repelled the Flames offense time and time again. Unlike Team Canada, the Canucks made their 3-0 lead going into the third period last, coming just 11 seconds short of giving Luongo the shutout. The game featured two milestones: Raffi Torres notched his 200th point and Daniel Sedin scored the 10,000th goal in franchise history. That, my friends, is over 9000. I watched this game.

• Luongo made 43 saves for his 3rd win in a row. He's 12-1-1 in his last 14 starts. After a rough start statistically, he's 11th in the league in GAA and save percentage. Don't listen to anyone who suggests that there's a goaltending controversy. Unless they're telling you to call 911 because there's a fire in the house. Then you should listen.

• The Canucks' first goal came just 1:10 into the first period (above). Mason Raymond makes Olli Jokinen look dumber than normal before feeding Kesler in front. Neither Tanguay nor Bouwmeester show much interest in taking Kesler, who now has 20 goals, putting him on pace for 42. Clearly, Kesler is a Douglas Adams fan. It's marvelous to see Raymond and Kesler together again, like when Andy Richter came back to join Conan O'Brien when he took over The Tonight Show.

• Kevin Bieksa had a stellar game tonight, with a goal and an assist in his near 22 minutes of time-on-ice. Juice has 7 points in his last 6 games and looks like he might actually manage 30+ points this season. There are many things to like about his goal: the patience he shows to allow traffic to pile up between him and the net, his ability to get the shot through said traffic, and the delightful grin on his face as Torres comes up to congratulate him. But the best part comes after the goal, as the camera finds an excited fan in a classic yellow V jersey holding a sign saying "WE ARE ALL BIEKSA" on it. And with that a ridiculous Twitter hashtag began and the Bieksa bandwagon filled up immediately.

• The Sedins and Burrows were the best forwards on the ice tonight. Burrows ended up with 2 assists (but only finished +1 because he was off the ice before Kesler could score), Daniel had a goal on 4 shots, and Henrik constantly made beautiful passes, the best of which had Shorty quit doing the play-by-play for a moment just to say "Oh my goodness." It was that good. Astonishingly, like "Dude, Where's My Car?" Henrik ended without a point.

• Daniel Sedin's 22nd goal of the year featured some great work by Burrows to gain the zone, a purposeful shot wide by Bieksa, and a perfect tip by Daniel to beat Kiprusoff. John Garrett instead insinuated that the puck only went in because Kiprusoff didn't have his stick and without it was like Linus without his security blanket. I am instead going to blame Jokinen for standing three feet in front of Daniel, carefully defending the completely empty slot.

• Dan Hamhuis did his best Olli Jokinen impression on the goal that broke Luongo's shutout, as he too decided to defend the empty slot instead of picking up Tim Jackman in front of the net. Hamhuis had a bit of a rough game, as this giveaway earlier in the third led to a flurry of chances for the Flames. The fourth line had the misfortune of being on the ice for his mental error, dropping each of their plus/minus columns by one.

• That said, Bolduc is the one who lost the faceoff: he actually lost all 8 of his faceoff attempts, dropping his faceoff percentage for the season below 50% for the first time. Kesler and Malhotra were both solid at 67% and 79%, including going a combined 15-for-17 in the defensive zone. Unfortunately, Henrik was not as good at 38%, with Olli Jokinen being his main antagonist. It was the only good thing Jokinen did all night and the only flaw in Henrik's game.

• Christian Ehrhoff was stellar defensively, once again using his stick effectively in the defensive zone to take away passing lanes and sweep pucks off sticks. I suspect that Ehrhoff has heard all the rumblings that he's more likely to be traded now than Bieksa as he seems intent on proving that he's not one-dimensional. In case anyone's forgotten, Ehrhoff is good at hockey.

• Jeff Tambellini throws his tiny body around as if he was a borderline NHLer on what might potentially be his last chance to prove he belongs in the big leagues. Which makes sense. He had 4 hits tonight. He now has 34 hits on the season, putting him third amongst Canuck forwards despite playing 13 fewer games. Also very hitty, Andrew Alberts and Jannik Hansen, who both had 5 hits tonight and lead all Canucks players with 83 and 82 respectively. Not very hitty: Harvey Danger. Despite three fantastic albums, they only had one hit, "Flagpole Sitta." Now that, Evander Kane, is a national travesty.

• And finally, my wife would like to let everyone know that Alain Vigneault's tie was very nice. Good work, AV.

Net-Minding Tandems Better Than Luongo & Schneider

One of this year's biggest stories has been the emergence of Cory Schneider. We've already talked about it. A couple of times. Schneider's strong play, along with Roberto Luongo's resurgence, has given Vancouver a goaltending tandem unrivaled by any other in their 40 years. It's an embarrassment of riches.

But if there's one thing PITB stands for, it's perspective (although the P still stands for "Pass"). Luongo and Schneider are good--the best net-minding tandem Vancouver's ever had. But there are many, many superior net-minding tandems. Let's take a look at some of them:

Cory Schneider Has Played His Way Out of Vancouver

In February of 2008, on the eve of the NHL trade deadline, Canucks GM Dave Nonis was in serious talks with the Tampa Bay Lightning for Brad Richards. Though the deal fell through, Darren Dreger later reported that Tampa Bay's asking price included at least one of Alex Edler, Ryan Kesler, or Luc Bourdon, as well as Cory Schneider. Canuck fans hungry for a superstar center (ironic, now) were disappointed when Richards went to Dallas instead. Fan outcry centered around the Canucks' unwillingness to trade Schneider, the goaltending prospect thought to be peaking in trade value.

As we enter 2011, the Canucks still retain the young goaltender, now as solid an NHL backup as there is. Incredibly, his trade value has only continued to rise, but by now, this shouldn't be a surprise: Cory Schneider's been driving his asking price skyward for years. Now he's playing his way out of Vancouver.

Anyone with an ounce of wisdom has always known that Schneider won't be usurping the Canucks' starting job from Roberto Luongo. It became less likely when Luongo was named captain of the team, and even less likely when Luongo inked a twelve-year extension. Though Schneider may have the potential to be a number one goalie, circumstance has long dictated that the opportunity awaits him in another city.

No Controversy, Just Competition For Luongo & Schneider

Before I go any further, let me be perfectly clear: there is no goaltending controversy, and there hasn't been one all season. Roberto Luongo is the starting netminder, and Cory Schneider is his backup. That's the way of life. When Luongo plays well, he's supposed to, because he's the number one, and when Schneider plays well, he's supposed to as well, because it's the backup's job to give the starting goaltender a night off without also giving one to the opponent.

Schneider and Luongo have both been solid this season, as evidenced by the Canucks' conference-leading goals allowed. Despite both goalies playing well, however, Cory Schneider is the only one exceeding expectations. Luongo is supposed to be good. In the past, he's been so good it's only underlined how questionable his backup is. This year, the Canucks have collected points in every game the backup has started, and, each time that Schneider blows away the low expectations of precedent, someone, somewhere, brings up the potential for a goaltending controversy.

It's not going to happen. But there is another "C" word that I think might be settling into the heads of the two goaltenders: competition.

More Canuck Poetry

I don't really have much in the way of excuses for these. I wrote some limericks and haiku for the Canucks. I was sort of inspired by the recent Luongo-Duthie collaboration, but really, some of these have been in the works for a while. The Canucks are a team that inspires poetry. Here's some for everyone.




Of NHL goalies you meet
Tommy says Bobby Lu's most complete.
It's because Luongo
Rhymes with Bingo-Bongo
It's a name that Brodeur just can't beat.

When Canucks get hit,
Recite haiku and drop gloves.
Poetic justice.

My dogs, though it may seem absurd
Are like the Canucks, I have heard.
Like my dogs in the yard
The Canucks battle hard
In their long struggle to #WinDaTurd

Just for Tanner Glass
I wrote this heartfelt haiku.


A much-maligned D-man of late
Plays top minutes and still performs great.
Still, few will defend
This beast of the back end
To trade him, Canucks fans can't wait.

If Gillis is God
How can Luongo be God?
This does not compute.

They left the team against their will
The new players are better, but still
We loved Kyle and Jan
And now that they're gone
There's a hole only Torres can fill.

We're winning a lot.
Too much, in fact... I've got it:
Let's trade Bieksa

Roberto Luongo and James Duthie are... The Superfriends!

By now, you might be aware that James Duthie and Roberto Luongo are friends. If you aren't, I highly recommend Ian Walker's piece this morning on their TSN intermission segments. In it, Walker breaks the big shocker that talented writer Duthie--and not famous non-writer Luongo--wrote the poems in the most recent bit. Walker also reminds Canucks fans that the newly-viral masterpiece is actually just one of many collaborations on which the two have worked. By my count, there have been four.

The Luongo/Duthie friendship is excellent because it combines Duthie's gifts as a writer with Roberto Luongo's refreshing sense of humour and willingness to self-deprecate. Most of the comedy is original Duthie stuff, but what makes it special is that it's often full of hilarious personal jabs at Luongo's image, and risky topics that would offend any athlete who took himself a little more seriously. After the jump, PITB documents their four entertaining collaborations.

Head Poke Kid Will Exalt You

Head-Poke Kid has got the magic touch. In fact, his touch is so magic, it's more magic than classic Ducktales' villain Magica. And she was so magic even her name was, like, five-sixths magic.

Look. If you're an aspiring poet or a goaltender looking for that extra edge, Head Poke Kid's got what you need. If, like Roberto Luongo, you happen to be both, well, you're looking at a double blessing. You'll be the William Carlos Williams of goalies, you will.

You'd be crazy to doubt the blessings of Head Poke Kid. Look at the visual similarities between the above photo and another classic blessing:


I rest my case.

Warning: If Head Poke Kid's magic last for more than four hours, call a doctor, because you're playing sick.