An Embarrassment of Riches Makes the Canucks Hard to Shop For

Other General Managers had no idea what to get this guy for Christmas. He's just hard to shop for right now.

You remember a month ago when someone asked you what you wanted for Christmas? Some years, you have the answer right away, but some years, you just don't know. You're perfectly content. You can't think of any glaring need in your life that could be filled, or even anything you'd kinda like to have. Sometimes, you can't, for the life of you, put together a wish list. It sucks, because normally, being happy is a good thing. But now, here are people trying to figure out what to get you and you can't help them out. You become one of those people who's hard to buy for, and everyone hates those people who smugly say "I don't know" whenever asked about their Christmas list. You hate trying to buy for those people. Screw those people. And now, here you are, one of them, because life's going too well for you right now.

Is it too much to ask for a glaring hole in your life?

This is how Mike Gillis must feel around now. With Salo's impending return, the cap situation sort of necessitates a trade. Great news, though! The Canucks have plenty of assets to move around. Gillis is undoubtedly getting calls from around the league, asking, what do you want?

And what answer could he possibly have? No part of the roster really needs help.

More Canuck Poetry

I don't really have much in the way of excuses for these. I wrote some limericks and haiku for the Canucks. I was sort of inspired by the recent Luongo-Duthie collaboration, but really, some of these have been in the works for a while. The Canucks are a team that inspires poetry. Here's some for everyone.




Of NHL goalies you meet
Tommy says Bobby Lu's most complete.
It's because Luongo
Rhymes with Bingo-Bongo
It's a name that Brodeur just can't beat.

When Canucks get hit,
Recite haiku and drop gloves.
Poetic justice.

My dogs, though it may seem absurd
Are like the Canucks, I have heard.
Like my dogs in the yard
The Canucks battle hard
In their long struggle to #WinDaTurd

Just for Tanner Glass
I wrote this heartfelt haiku.


A much-maligned D-man of late
Plays top minutes and still performs great.
Still, few will defend
This beast of the back end
To trade him, Canucks fans can't wait.

If Gillis is God
How can Luongo be God?
This does not compute.

They left the team against their will
The new players are better, but still
We loved Kyle and Jan
And now that they're gone
There's a hole only Torres can fill.

We're winning a lot.
Too much, in fact... I've got it:
Let's trade Bieksa