Top 5 Canuck Hipchecks of 2010-11

Some say the hipcheck is a lost art in the NHL, but you'd be hard pressed to find a Vancouver fan that feels this way. The offseason additions of Keith Ballard and Dan Hamhuis, two defenders that love to hip check, made going wide versus the Canucks a downright dicey proposition. Eventually, even Aaron Rome fell in love with the hit, giving the Canucks three guys who could surprise with a hipcheck at seemingly any moment. The result: perhaps the only team in the NHL for whom the hipcheck was common.

I'm not sure Canucks fans realized how spoiled they were this season. With that in mind, PITB has compiled a countdown of the five finest hipchecks thrown by the boys in blue and green in the 2010-11:

More of Keith Ballard's Worst Pranks

You might recall from an earlier PITB piece that Ballard is a noted prankster; he just happens to be terrible at it. It's true. He's worse than Jeff Bridges. You also might recall that Atlanta, where the Canucks play tonight, is the site of his worst prank ever: a two-handed baseball swing to the mask of Florida goaltender Tomas Vokoun.

Obviously, bludgeoning your goaltender in the ear is a pretty ill-conceived prank, and Ballard's had a hard time living it down since he came to Vancouver. Recall this bit of ribbing from earlier in the year:

On the wall in the visitors room there often is taped a sheet for players to sign up for tickets for friends or family in the road city. Among the handful of requests for tickets to tonight's game, someone wrote K. Ballard in the 'donor' column and T. Vokoun under 'recipient.'

With that in mind, it was a no-brainer that a return to the scene of the crime would mean an uptick in jokes at his expense. His teammates have been giving it to him all day, pretending to break their sticks on the goal post in warmup, and providing awesome quotes like this one, courtesy Roberto Luongo (via Brad Zeimer):

"I try not to make eye contact with him at all," Luongo said. "He might snap at any second. Hopefully, he won't be on the ice when we get scored on."

It's pretty clear that everybody knows Keith Ballard is the sort of guy who can take a joke. Yesterday, Kevin Bieksa described Christian Ehrhoff as serious, focused, and "basically the opposite of Keith Ballard." In other words, Ballard's got a pretty solid sense of humour. Not since Marc Bergevin have the Canucks had a guy in the locker room so dedicated to keeping things light, and please keep that in mind the next time you rip the Ballard acquisition. He's an invaluable team guy who should really help the team come playoff time, when things get uncomfortably serious.

Keith Ballard brings the funny. If his impeccable comedic timing wasn't already apparent, consider this line, dryly delivered by Ballard when asked about the infamous baseball swing: "I'm fast so I would have got a double out of that."

If you think he's taking a pretty serious situation lightly, keep in mind that, when you prank as regularly and woefully as Keith Ballard does, you're going to have more than a few go a bit pear-shaped. You get used to it. Here, for example are ten more crummy Keith Ballard pranks you might not have known about:

They Don't Let Keith Ballard Do Anything

Here's a little vignette for Fountain Tire and Canucks.com, featuring interviews with Keith Ballard and Ryan Kesler. The best stuff comes courtesy of Ballard, who gives us some insight into why he never gets any ice time. Turns out it's because:


1) He has scoliosis and borderline osteoporosis.
Ballard has every ailment short of bulging discs. How much do you think Mike Gillis knew when he traded a 1st round pick and a Calder finalist for Mr. Burns?

2) He sucks at shooting.
His exact words: "They don't even let me shoot in practice in the shootout [...] Have you seen me shoot? You wouldn't let me shoot either." Wayne Gretzky, who coached Ballard in Phoenix, once said to him, famously, "You miss 100% of the shots you, Keith Ballard, take." Revisionists later replaced "Keith Ballard" with "don't", and made a buttload of money on motivational posters.

3) He thinks that being clutch means not falling down.
Suffice it to say, if you've watched Ballard for more than a handful of games, you know he's not clutch. He knows it too. Do you think confidence is an issue for Hips? I'd say so. His shootout strategy is as follows: "I'd just try to get a shot on net, put my head down and skate back to the bench." Here's a pro-tip for Keith Ballard: when hanging your head in shame is part of your move, you're setting yourself up for failure. Someone told me that on a date once.



Thanks to Play Me That Ballard for the tip.

The Dreaded Two-Goal Lead: Rick Rypien Has a Beard Now

"I've never been more excited about hockey, now that I have this beard."

Canucks news comes fast and furious, and sometimes we find ourselves playing catchup. Thankfully, the Dreaded Two Goal Lead--often called "the worst lead in hockey"--is super easy to come back from. Everybody knows it's a guaranteed death sentence for those that hold it. Well, much like an ice hockey team coming from two goals down, PITB will now effortlessly catch up.

• Rick Rypien Returns From Personal Leave of Absence With a Beard

Rick Rypien has resurfaced after a lengthy leave of absence, and he appears to have received some counseling from Conan O'Brien. How else to explain his wicked new beard? If there's one lesson that Conan's taught us, it's that the best way to return is with a big patch of scruff. Last Tuesday, Rypien spoke to the media for the first time in months, saying he's "never been more excited about hockey." The Canucks announced that Ryp has joined the Moose on a conditioning assignment and may be granted special permission, under the circumstances, to stay in the AHL longer than the usual two weeks. Unless he really impresses, expect him to remain in Winnipeg for the rest of the season. For fans outside of Manitoba, you can probably follow Rypien's every shift at hockeyfights.com.

I Watched This Game: Canucks vs Blues, February 24, 2011

Canucks 3 - 2 Blues

I feel like we've been spouting this statistic a lot lately, but the Canucks still haven't lost two consecutive regulation games since November. I used to be impressed; now I'm just annoyed. I mean, they keep alternating wins and losses, forcing me to point to this statistic every second game. No more, friends. Here's a new stat: the Canucks haven't won two consecutive games in regulation since the beginning of this month. In short, the Canucks are probably sellers.

Okay, maybe not, especially not after a victory (he said, sounding a lot like a shortsighted NHL GM). I'm not a fan of the alternating wins and losses, but I'm a fan of the wins, and I quite enjoyed the effort the team put forth in order to get one last night. The Canucks had another solid response game, bouncing back from the loss to the Montreal Canadiens with a complete team effort versus the St. Louis Blues. Every line was effective, Cory Schneider played great in net, and the Canucks fended off a team in dire need of points to collect two of their own. Additionally (and most importantly), I watched this game:

• The Canucks' third line has been excellent since being reunited the last time the Canucks played the Blues on February 14. How appropriate that their chemistry would be rekindled on Valentine's Day (for inappropriate ways to build chemistry, see the Lonely Island). The third line has 11 points, combined, in their last six games, and has contributed 6 goals. For the slow-witted: that's a goal a game. If you can count on your third line for a goal each game, you'll probably do all right.

• I was impressed that John Garrett's Hockey Know How segment (often a strange segment in which Garrett seems oddly unacquainted with the clip he himself has selected), managed to actually inform me for once. He went over the game-winning goal (above), pointing out the way Torres's hit on Colaiacovo not only freed up the puck, but took his man away from the net and out of the play. In fact, Torres didn't even really hit him--he just moved him. There was more, though. Hansen picked up an assist on the goal in the only way he knows how: with a pokecheck. Gosh, Hansen loves to poke. If he ever commits a serious crime, we need to make sure the judge doesn't order him to do trash pickup for community service. He'd have way too much fun.

• Manny Malhotra scored the game-winner, which was a major windfall for him and his line, but I don't like the way people are talking as though he's finally contributing. Malhotra took 2 faceoffs in the offensive zone and 12 in the defensive zone. Vigneault doesn't put him on the ice to score.

• Raffi Torres had a game-high 5 hits, a couple impressive backchecks (2 takeaways), and zero baffling passes to nowhere. Kudos.

• I watched tonight's game with Cam Davie of Canucks Army, who is a quality dude. Just wanted to throw that out there.
  

• You want to talk Wizardous Sedinerie? How about Mikael Samuelsson's goal, which comes by way of some remarkable cycling by the Sedins in the corner. Seriously, they make the St. Louis defensemen look like the Washington Generals. The Sedins cycled so spectacularly nobody even noticed they were on motorcycles the whole time. And make no mistake: Tanev may have been sneaking in the backdoor, but that pass really was meant for Samuelsson. Only Henrik Sedin thinks of passing into someone's gut, but that's what he did.

• You might not have noticed, but Aaron Rome finished the game with less icetime than Keith Ballard. To quote Werner Herzog in Encounters at the End of the World, "Is this a great moment?" Yes it is. Ballard simply brings more to the table than Rome, and it appears that he's finally earning his coach's trust. Of course, Rome's reduced icetime might have to do with his play on the David Backes goal. Word of warning to amateur hockey players: never lazily sweep the puck to David Backes in the high slot. That's like giving a baby a loaded handgun. Worse, a baby with a history of assault with a firearm, like Maggie Simpson.
  

• Another reason for a reduction in Rome's icetime might have been the pairings: after Vigneault built himself a top four of Hamhuis with Ehrhoff and Ballard with Salo, Rome defaulted to the bottom pairing with low-minute man Chris Tanev. It definitely didn't take Hammy long to return to form. He played a game-high 23:53, finishing with four shots, two hits, and two blocks. He also acted as a steadying presence for Ehrhoff, from whom we've seen some jittery play lately. Meanwhile, Ballard and Salo were paired together, which made a lot of sense. Once everyone's healthy, this is likely the bottom pairing for the Canucks, so it's wise of Alain Vigneault to put them together right away.
  

• It was great to see Sami Salo score, too, especially in the vintage way they he did it. Nobody is better at shading in from the point for that exact one-timer, and it's nice to see this weapon return. Salo's shot remains a laser. Heck, it's not just any laser, either; it's a moonraker. Short of the golden gun, Sami Salo's shot is the best weapon in Goldeneye 64.

• Tanner Glass only played five minutes in this game, but he was granted third star honours for his play in that time, as he finished a goal short of the Gordie Howe hat trick. He did, however, pick up a Tanner Glass hat-trick, which is a goal, an assist, and bevy of Scrabble jokes from the broadcast team (the best one courtesy of Dan Murphy, postgame). His pass to Salo showed some great vision, and his fight with BJ Crombeen gave the Canucks some life early in the first period. That fight, by the way, came after Crombeen claimed, just prior to the faceoff, that MENSWEAR was two words.

• The Canucks did a great job of keeping Alex Steen, somehow the Blues' Canuck-killer, off the scoresheet. He finished a minus-1 and had 4 of his shots blocked, more than any other player. Think Vigneault talked to his guys about this? I do. Mind you, the Canucks were blocking shots all over the place. They blocked 17 shots overall, including 11 from their defense alone, and 7 from the Ballard/Salo pairing. It worries me to think of Sami Salo blocking a lot of shots, but now that his bones are mush, how much damage can it really do?

• Welcome Damien Cox to Sportsnet, everyone. and stop throwing things at your televisions, that's what he wants. And you, get down from there. Don't you dare kick that chair out from underneath you.

• Rough second period for the Canucks, but that'll happen. Look no further than the Blues' first period. I could have sworn the Blues got a defenseman back when they traded Erik Johnson, but it looked to me like one of their defense pairings was missing a guy for the first twenty minutes. Did anyone notice that the Blues gave up 17 shots and about seventy-six odd-man rushes?

• And finally, Mason Raymond played a very good game. No goals and he missed some chances, but he generated more, and had six shots on net. I haven't been happy with his play of late (and I suspect, neither has he), but I hope he stays with the team through the deadline. If he can continue to play like he did tonight, it wouldn't be worth the jolt to team chemistry to bring someone else in.
  

Slewfoot on Keith Ballard Showcases One of the Many Ways a Player Can Needlessly Injure Another Player

If you haven't seen it yet, here's a clip of the Keith Ballard injury, via Kukla's Korner. Last night, during the game, I wondered aloud to my wife if Milan Michalek was guilty of a slewfoot here. Kukla's Korner asks the same question. Ben Kuzma also asked. Mike Gillis straight up said it was. Let me tell you: if it looks like a slewfoot and quacks like a duck, well, it's probably a slewfoot, but then why the Hell is it quacking?

Anyway, this is probably a slewfoot, one of the many oft-overlooked ways one player can give another player a completely needless, totally avoidable, longterm injury. Word is Ballard will miss 2-4 weeks with an MCL sprain, and if the MRI reveals a tear, well, longer. Frankly, Hips is lucky his knee didn't pop clean off--the fate that befell my poseable MC Hammer action figure when I was nine.

And if it is a slewfoot, where's the outrage? I don't like the way this is being brushed off. Slewfoots are exceedingly dangerous, just like the headshots that dominate the daily discussions of NHL issues. They happen surprisingly often, and yet nobody really talks about cracking down on them.

Today would have been a great day to discuss yet one more way hockey players aren't showing each other enough respect on the ice, one more dirty play on which the league needs to crack down. But instead, when I turned on the radio, I was dropped into yet another rant about headshots. Let's get serious, radio guys. You had a major slewfoot in your market and you go right back to the well of overplayed topics? Granted, Cam Cole's article on headshots and the Code is brilliant and worth discussing, but if the above video tells me anything, it's that headshots aren't the only way to shorten a guy's career, and the others deserve some discussion as well.

I Watched This Game: Canucks vs Predators, January 26, 2011

Canucks 2 - 1 Predators

With a win versus Nashville last night, the Canucks go into All-Star weekend having collected at least one point in 27 of their last 30 games. Yes, that's the stat Don Taylor reported postgame on Sportsnet Connected, and I want to take a moment to marvel at it. Consider that this stat--this very positive stat--incorporates the points from the amazing mini-slump that now seems so long ago, and ignores the fact those games were eventually lost. Remember when they were cause for concern? Now they're just part of an extremely positive stat. You'd think the Canucks had been rolling, uninterrupted, for months.

It's incredible to me what shootouts and overtime points do to perception. A four-game losing streak can be a four-game point streak at the same time. Typically, only one side is reported, and the fires of the fanbase are stoked by a few well-placed omissions. It's silly, and maybe a little dishonest, too. Well, I'm here to tell you that, if we at PITB stand for anything, it's hardcore honesty. For example: truth be told, I watched this game:

• Roberto Luongo was rightly named the game's first star tonight. He made 26 saves, several of the category spectacular, and one of the category wowie zowie. For those that have forgotten the transformative power of new goaltending coach Rollie Melanson, consider how deep Luongo is in his crease for the Joel Ward kick save. Last year, that gets past Funny Bob before he has time to react. In fact, there were a few tonight that might have. Instead, Luongo was in the right place at the right time all night (except on the goal against, when he accidentally went swimming at a nearby leisure center).
  

• Jeff Paterson is absolutely correct, too. You hear a lot about Luongo when he plays badly, and very little when he plays well. This speaks to how expectations warp our satisfaction. The moral of the story? Never try. Keep expectations low and you're more likely to impress.

• Of course, the real question about Luongo isn't whether or not he's going to stellar. It's whether or not he's going to come out and give away his goalie stick. After singlehandedly keeping his team in the game, he owes us that much. If you'll recall, he skipped the last two star twirls to be privately upset, but he made up for it tonight, giving away three goalie sticks. Why not four, I say? Why couldn't he make it seven? I think Luongo should give away a Sportchek.

• Your game-winning goal scorer? Lee Sweatt, the defensive call-up so comically undertall that teammates were chanting "Rudy! Rudy!" as he was suiting up. Frankly, though, after scoring on his first shot in his first NHL game, Lucky might have been a better moniker. Brad Lukowich and Wade Brookbank can attest to being the fortunate son that gets to receive a pass from the Sedins, too, especially one as pretty as Daniel's. Give Sweatt credit for the shot, though. He couldn't have picked a better spot. Into the net is always the best spot to pick. I also loved his goal celebration. What's the old saying? Act like you've been there before. Lady Gaga is jealous of that poker face. James Bond, too. Sweatt played a grand total of 8:49 in this game. In that time, he was on the ice for both Canucks goals and none against. He was bouncing off checks a little bit, but that's to be expected. You can't expect a much better effort in a guy's first NHL game.

• That said, sometimes it's a bit of a shame that scoring the game-winner automatically means a three star selection. Sweatt was in the right place at the right time, but he definitely didn't have a better overall game than Alex Burrows. Burrows scored the crucial game-tying goal with a tip and a rebound, nearly identical to the game-winner he scored in San Jose at the beginning of the month. Furthermore, while he didn't get an assist on the game-winner, that was him causing the turnover to Daniel Sedin when he knocked Joel Ward off the puck.

• Plus, Burrows was the star of the night's most hilarious story: his ongoing battle to get into Shane O'Brien kitchen. O'Brien had a game-high seven hits tonight, and I'm pretty sure six and a half were on Burrows. The camera crew caught them chirping back and forth all night, and they were having a whale of a time doing it. Burrows: f*** you, Shane! Ha ha, but seriously, can I get a ride home? In the night's finest moment, Shane O'Brien dragged Burrows to the ice, then trampled him a little for sport. Burrows went for his instinctual shot to the groin, but upon remembering he and Shane O'Brien were pals, he relented, giving SOB's jollies a kindly pat instead. Graeme Horton snapped a pic. Kudos to Burrows for being considerate enough to remember there's a lot less to do at the Roxy when your testicles are bruised.

• That said, Burrows missed an empty net in the game's final minute. Unacceptable. Do we really want him?
  

• With an assist on the Lee Sweatt goal, Daniel Sedin is now three points up on his brother for the team scoring lead. Out for blood. Even Beatrix Kiddo is alarmed at his need for retribution.

• Get this: Keith Ballard led the Canucks in icetime. It's true. Ballard was on the ice for a team-high 23:53. How did this happen? Originally, he remained paired with Tanev and seemed again headed for bottom-pairing minutes, but Christian Ehrhoff (who Vigneault played for over nine minutes in the first and clearly wanted to ride), was running around like crazy. It was a tad irresponsible; there were shifts where it looked like Ehrhoff though he was playing right wing, and you can't do that when you're paired with a guy playing his first NHL game. I don't think Vigneault was comfortable with Sweatt as the lone man back when Ehrhoff jumped, so Ballard was reassigned to keep an eye on things. That's right. Between his initial pairing with Tanev and his new job keeping Ehrhoff honest, Keith Ballard has become this team's babysitter. He's the Canucks' answer to Rosalyn.

• Dan "Community Man" Hamhuis also stepped in to fill a need, as he often does. He had some first unit powerplay time, he attempted a game-high 9 shots, and he played a team-high 30 shifts. He also had 2 hits, two takeaways, and 3 blocked shots. As usual, you hardly noticed anything he did. Two of his shifts were at the nearby children's hospital.

• Give the Canucks credit for winning da turd tonight. After allowing an early goal, they took over the final frame. They had discipline: after 3 penalties in first and 2 in the second, the team avoided taking any penalties in the third. They applied pressure, outshooting the Predators 17 to 7. In fact, after being outshot 12-4 in first, the Canucks responded well by outshooting Nashville 31-15 through the rest of the game.

• That's even more impressive when you consider Nashville blocked 19 shots tonight. Give them credit, but make sure you give a ton to Shane O'Brien, who gives his teammates shot-blocking practice at nightclubs: Shane, I think you've had enough.

• Chris Tanev played 11:26 tonight, including 1:47 of shorthanded time on ice. He has earned Vigneault's trust remarkably quickly. Good for him. Let's hope he doesn't make like M. Night Shyamalan and coast on that early goodwill until it becomes apparent we'll have to kill him to get rid of him.
  

• And finally: you've gotta feel bad for the Nashville line of Jarred Smithson, Nick Spaling, and Joel Ward. They were on the ice for both Canuck goals, and they came on back-to-back shifts. Impressively, they got two more after that, and more impressively, they didn't give up goals during either of them.

Alex Edler to Undergo Back Surgery

Backbreaking news for fans still basking in the glow of last night's solid victory over the Nashville Predators, as it has been announced that Alex Edler's back spasms that kept him out of the game are more serious than initially thought. Edler will undergo micro discectomy surgery on his back and will be out indefinitely.

While Lee Sweatt performed admirably in his absence, scoring the game-winning goal and finishing +2, he still had under 9 minutes of icetime and often seemed overmatched physically. Keith Ballard, on the other hand, stepped up and played a team-high 23:53, boosted by Ehrhoff missing some shifts to get stitches after getting whacked in the face by Ryan Kesler. With Aaron Rome and Andrew Alberts still out of commission, this latest wrinkle forces the Canucks to contend with a depleted blueline that may require further call-ups from the Manitoba Moose and more ice-time from the maligned Ballard.

Alternatively, with Edler sure to go on long-term injured reserve and the all-star game providing a brief break in the schedule, this may be the time to push Sami Salo harder in practice to see if he is ready to slot back into the lineup. The need to clear salary to fit Salo under the cap has suddenly disappeared.

Update: Edler's back surgeon, Dr. Marcel Weird Keyboard Dvorak, has suggested that Edler should recover in 8 to 10 weeks. Edler's surgery is scheduled for Monday, which would put his potential return at March 28th to April 11th if Dr. Dvorak is correct. The Canucks' final game of the regular season will be April 9th, meaning Edler could still return in time for the playoffs.

I Watched This Game: Canucks at Avalanche, January 18, 2011

Canucks 3 - 4 Avalanche (OT)

Give the Canucks credit for showing up to play this one. After a horrendous outing in Minnesota exposed their tired road legs, the excuses for a second consecutive poor performance were readymade. Instead, the Canucks vehemently defied the wishes of their bodies in Colorado, and kept up with the speedy Avalanche. They outshot the Avs 43 to 30 and picked up a well-earned point. It could have been two points, even, had the Canucks managed to push through their mental sluggishness the way they did their physical sluggishness.

Unfortunately for them, it was not so, and the mental mistakes came fast and furious. Bad penalties; bad passes; bad reads; lazy backchecks. Against a young, aggressive team like the Avalanche, that crap's not gonna fly. Although, by getting the regulation tie, I guess it sort of did. Hmm. Okay, it did, but then, in the end, it didn't (not unlike the Avro Arrow). Whatever. I watched this game:

• Likely, neither team will be completely happy with the way they played (the Canucks were slow and sloppy, and the Avalanche let a tired road team take the lead three times) but both teams will be happy to leave the stadium with points. (It's like sports day in grade school. Everybody gets a ribbon!) And the Canucks have to be pleased with their Temple of Doom performance, in which they reached inside of themselves and played their hearts out.

• The Canucks' power play covers all manner of sins sometimes. Both Edler and Ehrhoff blasted PP goals from the point that gave their team the lead, and these goals were vital. Had the Canucks had to open up and play from behind for even one second in this game, their suspect defensive play would have been even more prominent, and it could have gotten out of hand.

• It's been a long time since the Canucks have had a sexy callup like Sergei Shirokov, so it was nice to see him play a standout game in his first NHL action this year. He scored his first career goal on a beautiful move (above), and he had a game-high six shots. But, before you get excited, consider he's played two fewer games this month--and nine fewer NHL games. He had fresh legs. He was like Anne Bancroft on skates, his legs were so fresh. Let's wait to see whether or not he can be a standout when the rest of his team isn't playing on fumes, but he was a breath of fresh air last night. Most importantly, he looked capable of creating his own offense, something Kesler's wings have to be able to do. A good start for Shirok.

• The other callup, Chris Tanev, acquitted himself admirably as well. He finished the night a minus-1, but it's hard to fault him on the Luongo misplay that gave David Jones his first of two on the night. Jones was his man, for sure, but everyone in the building thought Luongo would swallow up that puck as it came off the boards. Other than that, Tanev was solid. He got on the ice for just under thirteen minutes, far more than anyone would have expected. He admirably broke up a 3-on-1 when Keith Ballard heeded Qris's advice to step it up, pranks-wise and decided to pull the old fall-down-so-the-rookie-has-to-fend-off-a-3-on-1 routine. Funny guy, that Ballard.

• Don't tell the Vancouver media I said this, but here's your proof that the star awards mean nothing: Alex Edler was named the game's third star. Clearly, someone didn't watch the game (probably John Garrett, who has made a living watching games, but always seems to be attending his first one). While it's true that Edler had a standout game offensively with a goal and an assist, he played one of his worst games of the season defensively. He constantly lost his man, he bobbled pucks at the blue line, he looked dreadfully slow. Despite finishing the game even in the plus/minus category, Edler was on the ice for two Colorado goals, both on the penalty kill, and both times he got absolutely embarrassed by David Jones in front of the net. Jones isn't a small guy, but Edler's bigger, and the fact that Edler allowed himself to get moved right out of the play twice is unacceptable. Watch the highlight package. Colorado goals one and four are mirror images of one another, as Jones simply shades Edler into the useless area, opening up the exact same cross-ice pass. On the first goal, you can find Edler at the side of the net when the pass comes across. On the fourth goal, that's him in the middle, lazily dropping down to block nothing, opening up the same pass and rendering himself helpless to prevent Jones from finding the rebound. A terrible game from #23.

• Kevin Bieksa, on the other hand, played solidly. Nearly every shift, he was breaking up an odd-man rush or clearing the zone before things got dangerous. He finished with 2 hits, 4 takeaways and 3 blocked shots, and considering these three stats are typically undercounted (especially when you play for the road team), that's one hell of a stat line.

• Keith Ballard had a decent game as well, but has anyone noticed how often this guy falls? He's like an ancient empire on skates. Methinks Keith "Babylon" Ballard needs to heed the words of the prophet Jeremiah.

• Is Adam Foote a diplomat's son? He's clearly got some sort of immunity. Foote's a handsy guy, but it doesn't seem to matter who he grabs, punches, or holds--there's never a call. He could grope the First Lady and someone would call it a smart, veteran play.

• The referees missed some egregious offenses, but Raffi Torres sure made it easy on them, huh? Both of his penalties were of the are-you-kidding-me variety, especially his second one. Who tugs on a jersey? Not since Theodore Tugboat have I seen such pathetic tugging. Skeeter and I observed that Raffi Torres has three modes: 1) skateskateskateskate 2) get puck, and 3) put puck. Unfortunately, none of the three modes is any more detailed than that, and Raffi often skimps on the details. Torres is playing some dumb hockey right now. I wouldn't be surprised if he suffers a benching in the near future.

• Speaking of penalties, Henrik Sedin's penalty in overtime was fully warranted. Granted, his man went down easy, but everyone knows there are a two situations where you should never stick your arm out. The first is when you're chasing to break up a two-on-one. The second is when you're on a school bus. That's how you lose a limb.

• A better performance by Roberto Luongo and the Canucks probably leave Denver with a win. He'll get no pass; he was the freshest Canuck and he should have played like it. When your star goaltender is rested and your team isn't, you need a star goaltending performance, and the Canucks didn't get it. The second and third goals are both ones he probably should have had. Know what else he should have had? A Bacon Mushroom Melt. It's only ever at Wendy's for a limited time, and it's delicious. But now it's gone, and who knows how long he'll have to wait for them to bring it back? /regret
  

• And finally, Jeff Tambellini was the fourth-line center last night, and while he did a fine job (especially in the faceoff circle, where he was 5-for-6) I'm not sure I like him and Mason Raymond on that line together. They're too tiny, and tiny on the fourth line is a bad idea, unless it's an ironic nickname for someone huge, like Tiny, the classic character from SNES's Clayfighter.
  

The Canucks Need More Creative Pranks

Look at the photo above. That's Keith Ballard. In a hockey bag. In a trash can. The photo is so embarrassing that he asked Derek Jory to do a story on it so he wouldn't look so bad. Guess what? Turns out, having the facts makes it worse.

I'd like you to join with me in imagining something. Close your eyes. Well, don't, 'cause you can't read that way, but imagine just the same. Imagine you're in a big blue bag, waiting to say boo and scare someone when they open it. Imagine how funny it'll be. You hear footsteps. Is that your target? You hear a voice. Who's in there? You have been swiftly busted. Then you feel the bag being pushed onto the floor and you're being kicked repeatedly. Grasping for the zipper, you have a hard time getting to it, as your intended target is beating on you. I want you to roll that Fail around in your mind.

Keith Ballard really needs to step it up in the pranks department.

I Find This Quote Odd: Keith Ballard Edition

The following quote comes from Iain MacIntyre's postgame article on the Canucks' shootout loss to the Red Wings on Saturday night. Maybe it's just me, but I find it really strange. Let's examine it.

“It was a good game,” Vancouver defenceman Keith Ballard said. “I think everyone who watched it was fairly satisfied. Both teams had good [scoring] opportunities and it was decided by a breakaway contest, which fans like.”

Is Ballard being sarcastic here? I've never heard anyone refer to the shootout as a "breakaway contest" without soaking the phrase in ridiculous sarcasm. When he says, "which fans like," I feel like he's being exclusionary on purpose. Fans, not hockey players, and not Keith Ballard.

It would make complete sense if Ballard was being sarcastic. He has no interest in the shootout. We both know that he has no place in proceedings. You can't hip check a goalie, and you definitely can't bludgeon him. If there's anybody who recognizes the shootout has no place in real hockey games, it's a depth guy like Ballard, whose skills are only on display in a team setting.

I know I wasn't alone in thinking that holding a shootout to decide a sawoff between the best two overall teams in the league was a complete travesty (maybe not a national travesty, but still highly travestous). It has nothing to do with the fact that the Canucks lost, either. It's the simple matter that the game is over, and a "breakaway contest" is a completely different fish. It'd be like if you forced two Old West gunslingers to settle a dispute shooting tin cans. Or forced Zoolander and Hansel to settle a dispute racewalking. It's not the same.

With this quote, I'm getting the distinct sense Ballard felt the same way, but his tone was lost when the sentence went to print.

Watch Keith Ballard Demolish Drew Miller Again

My favourite thing about following a hockey team closely is getting to know the unique tendencies of its players. I've watched Keith "Hips" Ballard for half an NHL season now, and unlike Drew Miller, I saw this hit coming.

I wasn't surprised, just like I'm never surprised when Jannik Hansen causes a turnover on the forecheck, or Kevin Bieksa keeps the puck in at the blue line. I can tell when these guys are in their element. It amazes me how every member of a hockey team can be so very, very different, and it's rewarding to me, as a fan, when I become cognizant of those differences. Keith Ballard seizes every opportunity to throw a hip check. It's his thing. It excites me every time. Golly, what a hit this is.

I like Drew Miller's reaction. He gets up and looks at the ref like, I don't remember what happened, exactly that had to be a penalty. Nope. So fresh, so clean.

How does it stack up against this season's other fine ruinations? Is it the best? Is it in the top three?

This Year's Canucks are Very Zen

In the aftermath of Vancouver's last regulation defeat, a 3-2 home loss at the hands of the St. Louis Blues, Province writer Jason Botchford questioned questioned the Canucks' grit. "The Blues forwards were rarely touched," Botchford wrote, "Even after they shoved around Luongo. In one incident, BJ Crombeen took a shot at the Canucks goalie without even getting a passing glance from the rest of the Canucks." But it's not as if they didn't see it. You know if Botchford saw it, the Canuck players did too; they simply chose not to respond.

This is uncharacteristic for the Vancouver team fans have come to know. In fact, Vancouver has long held a reputation for employing spirited chirpers and pests who can't help but get involved in scrums around the net, especially in the Alain Vigneault era. Canuck games, especially against past postseason opponents, are always full of spirit and high in penalty minutes. In the past, reactionary chirping would have been automatic, but that appears to have changed. Rather than engage teams who take cheap shots, this year's Canucks simply ignore it, put their heads down, and make their line change. It isn't that the Canucks are missing that gritty element, they've merely decided to opt out.

I Watched This Game: Canucks vs Blue Jackets, December 15, 2010

Canucks 3 - 2 Blue Jackets (OT)

That was fun, huh? Incredibly, last night was already Ryan Kesler's fourth multi-goal game of the season, the 13th of his career. However, despite his propensity for scoring in bunches (like a blaxploitation hero), Kesler had yet to net three goals in sixty minutes.

Inspired by the Twitterverse's suspiciously familiar #PassItToKesler hashtag, Kesler finally rose to the occasion, and he might stay standing. Other players--lesser players--have scored hat-tricks and it hasn't meant much for their careers in the grand scheme. But in Kesler's case, considering the way he ruled the ice last night, I suspect we may be looking at a milestone that signifies his emergence as a bonafide NHL superstar. I would be okay with that. I watched this game:

• Kesler was the only Canuck to score last night (oh noes! without him we got shutout!). His three goals are most definitely the story. Here's the thing, though: he could have had five. Kesler directed a game-high 11 shots at the Columbus net: 3 went in, 1 was saved, 3 were blocked, and 4 more missed. He finished with a crazy 75% shooting percentage, and it could have been higher. The save was a highlight reel one, after Kesler got in behind the Columbus defense and roofed the puck, only to have Mathieu Garon come across brilliantly to stop it with his chest. Considering that all the talk about this game, pre-game, was about how Columbus hoped to shut down the Sedins, it must have been infuriating when Kesler decided to compound their concerns by going Wolvey Berserk on them himself.

• To the uninformed, Jan Hejda, who took a boarding penalty and put the Jackets down a man in overtime, will be the goat. But if you want to place some well-informed blame, your man is Antoine Vermette: it's his lazy defensive work and his single-minded Sedin-watching that allows Kesler to get in close and bury the game-winner. Look at him, meandering about like a spectator, with his stick lazily outstretched. That's not taking away the passing lane; that's beach combing. In fact, Vermette's backchecking is so lazy, Kesler literally glides past him. Tip for the young'uns: when the best player on the ice is streaking to the net, you take him.

• Rusty Klesla's going to take some flack for his boner on the second goal as well, but cut him some slack. You never know when the spirit of Christmas is going to rest upon your shoulders and inspire hardcore giving. More giving: Klesla was also the guy who backed in a bit too far and found himself lying down while Ryan Kesler scored the first goal. Some might say he gave too much.

• I watched the game at a pub with Daniel and his wife. They handed out pucks with Canucks numbers on them--if that guy scored a goal, you won a free beer. We drew Ballard, Bieksa, and Rome, respectively, so we knew up front we'd be paying. Meanwhile, three of the four guys at the table next to us, in some sort of karmic orgasm (which probably looked something like this), drew Kesler. Thankfully, they weren't loud drunks.

• The Canuck powerplay went 1-for-5, only scoring on the 4-on-3 overtime frame, a goal that came on the rush. When they got that powerplay, I remarked that they would probably score, because the 4-man unit doesn't include Mikael Samuelsson. He wasn't terrible in Christian Ehrhoff's place on the point, but the powerplay is now 0-for-10 when he's back there. And if you're still uncertain about Christian Ehrhoff's contributions, consider: the Canucks' powerplay is 3-for-17 in three games without him, with only one of the three goals scored by our star five-man unit.

• Tony Gallagher keeps giving it to the Canucks for not blowing out teams he feels they should, but he needs to consider the Western Conference logjam: yes, the Blue Jackets are in 11th, but they came into the game only two points behind Vancouver. Parity mitigates blowouts, Tony. That said, Columbus took some dumb penalties. You should probably bury a team when they do that. Seriously, it felt like Columbus was on the penalty kill all night. When you're playing with fewer men that often, it's time to ask your doctor if Cialis is right for you.

• Kevin Bieksa looked dangerous all evening, but his production has really dried up; I can't help but shrug at his scoring chances. In a month or so, it will probably be Sami Salo--he of the much better shot--on the receiving end of Sedin set plays. I look forward to this development.

• Can we get some consensus on whether or not the Sedins are predictable? Scott Arniel says they aren't, but they seem sort of predictable to me. You know they're good for an assist each game. Heck, when we went into overtime, I knew we were going to win because they had yet to get their points. I say predictable.

• Jeff Tambellini is suffering through some manic raymondlessness, but just because his scoring has slowed down doesn't mean he's not contributing. He still hits impressively for a little guy, and his speed on the backcheck is second to none. Last night was the second time he covered an insane amount of ground to take the puck off the stick of an opposing forward.

• The coaching staff continues to only find pleasure in one-third of their fourth line. Tanner Glass had four more minutes of icetime than his linemates, leading the team in hits with 4, and Jonas Andersson was sent back to Manitoba after the game in place of the hitty Aaron Volpatti. Let's hope Volpatti doesn't crap the bed in his first trip to the NHL, or we'll have to call him Aaron Volpotty. I'd hate to have to do that.

• Alex Edler had a game-high 27:45 of ice time, and I'll tell you why: in the absence of Christian Ehrhoff, the Iceman is the only truly offensive defenseman. It's always interesting to note who Vigneault double-shifts when he's looking for a goal. Last night, Edler was the guy. He was on the ice for all three goals and no goals against, and he finished the night plus-2.

• The only other guy to finish plus-2? Keith Ballard, who again had over 20 minutes of icetime. He appears to have earned his coach's trust, which is more than I can say for my wife. You promised me tortellini and then you made sandwiches. The trust is broken.

• And finally, a word about the Sportsnet intermission segment in which newspaper journalists who are not comfortable being on television are put on television: stop. It's a visibly cheap segment. Get these guys a studio, a desk, a dress code, a makeup crew, and some lapel mics. I'd be uncomfortable too if I knew the camera was too high and the lighting made me look like Skeletor.

I Watched This Game: Canucks vs Lightning, December 9, 2010

Canucks 4 - 5 Lightning (OT)

So I don't think the Tampa Bay Lightning realize they were supposed to treat this game like a ceremonial faceoff: show up, smile for a photo, then stand back while Henrik Sedin picks up the puck and hands it to the Queen. It should have been fairly simple. Instead, the Lightning came out trying to win, and did, which I found completely classless. Somebody needs to delicately tell them they ruined a fabulous night. I watched this game:

• A lot of people are going to want to pin this loss on Cory Schneider. Let them. Ignore the pundits eager to criticize his infrequent usage, eager to pin this on coaching and continue to innocently plant the seeds of a goaltending controversy. The Canucks outplayed the Lightning and needed a few stops to make sure the final score reflected that. If Luongo never gets a pass (and he never does), then let it be so for all Canuck goaltenders. Schneider didn't look so good on a few of these goals; he needs and has the capability to be better. So what if it had been nine games since his last start? He was slotted, at the season's outset, to start every fourth or fifth game. With a nine-game break, he actually only missed one start. Players miss starts. They're still expected to be good when they get back in. Schneider did make a couple of very impressive saves, including a brilliant toe kick early in the first period that made me think, maybe, he was going to have Stamkos's number. It was not meant to be.

• Steven Stamkos is pretty good at hockey, don't you think? If I was picking teams, and he was one of the guys waiting to be picked for some reason, I'd pick him pretty early on. Stamkos had 3 points last night, including the game-winner on an incredible one-timer. The last time I saw a shot that unstoppable, I ignored the desperate pleadings of everyone at my intervention and I drank it.

• How to explain this loss? I'll tell you what happened: The Lightning saw Brian Burke in attendance, and assumed this was a winnable game. Zing.

• How badly did the Canucks miss Christian Ehrhoff? Ehrhoff facilitates more breakouts than the grill at McDonald's, and Vancouver could have used him on more than a few clunky-looking rushes. Realizing the importance of his contributions for the first time, I spent the whole night humming Big Yellow Taxi. The Hoff was especially missed on the powerplay, where the five-man unit was sorely lacking in a guy who does what he does. Dan Hamhuis, his replacement, did different things, and unfortunately, those things were counterproductive.

• Alain Vigneault would be forgiven for bumping Kevin Bieksa to that top special teams unit. Bieksa is a good puckhandler, and nobody on the Canucks pinches along the boards better. But I wouldn't recommend it. Bieksa's shot isn't overly threatening; his presence would allow defenders to shade off of him and attack the open passing lanes this unit exploits so well. Rather, this might be Keith Ballard's best opportunity to show what he can do. His end-to-end rush that resulted in the game-tying goal was, while a bit of a softie, an impressive display of offense and skating from a defenseman who has yet to fully convince his coach of his skill level. Ignore the terrifying fact that Cory Schneider has as many points as he does; Ballard's been exploding out from behind the net for a few games now in a way that only Christian Ehrhoff could emulate. What other Ehrhoffian traits does he possess?

• Andrew Alberts' return to the lineup coincided with a suspicious upstick in team hittiness. The Canucks had 23 hits to Tampa's 13. My theory: Alberts is an instigator of violence, akin to Mookie from Do the Right Thing. Keep him away from Brooklyn, trash cans, and Italian restaurant windows.

• The Markus Naslund retirement ceremony was a thing of beauty, and done with penultimate class, but who expected Nazzy to talk for that long? We've come to expect brevity from him. Instead, we discovered that Markus Naslund is, like any other retired father, prone to rambling. That said, his reunion with the Vancouver fans still seemed much too short. We needed a left winger last night. He should have just played.

• Best tie of the night goes to former Canuck goaltender Dan Cloutier. Daniel suggested Alain Vigneault was also sporting some pretty spiffy neckwear, but my wife insisted, "Cloutier never won anything; let him have this one."

• Mason Raymond's absence was felt yet again. Even when he's not scoring, he's a threat to do so, and it gives Ryan Kesler a bit more space to work with. Kes was going full tilt in the opening frame, but once the Lightning realized he was doing it alone, they smothered him like an only child. Related: Kesler never gets through with those bullish sprints up the middle, but I hope he never stops.

• The Canucks won 64% of faceoffs, led by Manny Malhotra winning 14 of 19, including 9 of 10 in the neutral zone. Henrik went 11-for-19 and Kesler 11-for-16. The dirty underbelly of this stat? The Canucks only won 5 of 12 in the defensive zone, thereby failing to take advantage of their faceoff superiority by giving up possession on their defensive zone starts too often. Alex Bolduc lost all three faceoffs he took, by the way.

• Food for thought: Manny Malhotra finished minus-1 with a game-high 3 giveaways, and only won 1 defensive zone faceoff. He may have scored a goal, but you'd have to call this a bad game for him. As the Canucks' defensive center, he didn't do the things he's in the lineup to do.
  

• Spend a shift or two watching Raffi Torres. He makes some bizarre decisions with and without the puck. He makes cross-ice passes that suddenly end promising odd-man rushes. He puts himself out of position to make needless (albeit sweet) hits. In one instance, he tried to one-time a puck that was bouncing like Li'l Bow Wow on roller skates. My favourite Torres moment: when he sat down in the box after a first period penalty, the camera caught a nearby lady in a Bertuzzi jersey (with a Degrassi haircut) give him an amorous eyebrow raise. You know what they say about a guy with big eyes.

• Ron Maclean still thinks it's Mardi Gras. During the first intermission, he talked about how Guy Bocher doesn't focus enough on threesomes. Not everyone is into your kink, Maclean.

• I actually really enjoyed the broadcast team last night. Mark Lee's vocabulary was incredibly entertaining, and Weekes is steadily improving as a commentator. My wife: didn't Kevin Weekes used to play goalie for the Canucks? Us: Kind of.

• Before you lament the lost point, consider that the Canucks made an impressive comeback to get one. Furthermore, consider that comeback was led by two distinct instances of Wizardous Sedinerie. As the broadcast team showed Henrik's goal (above) is scored on a shot so accurate it bent the space-time continuum.

Keith Ballard Can Play Better; Aaron Rome Can't

News broke this morning that Dan Hamhuis' return would mean the banishment of Keith Ballard, not Aaron Rome, to the press box. Quick stop for credit: Iain MacIntyre suggested this yesterday. I'll admit that I thought he was a little bit wacky, but he was right. As of right now, Keith Ballard is lower on the depth chart than Aaron Rome.

This won't last. If I were compiling a list of Canuck players that could play better, Keith Ballard would be on top of it. If I were compiling a list of Canucks that couldn't possibly play any better, Aaron Rome would top it.

Aaron Rome is a defenseman with limited skills. The words used to describe him are typically only used on 6th and 7th defensemen: dependable, steady, reliable. You may have noticed that these words are all synonyms for one another, and that's because Rome's is a one-dimensional game. If he gives you a little more, as he has been lately, that's the sort of bonus play you have no choice but to encourage.

The coaching staff has been doing that: AV has been spotting Rome just over 17 minutes a night as well as icetime on the 2nd unit power play. While I'm about as comfortable with Rome quarterbacking the PP as I was with Byron Ritchie doing it, I'm forced to admit that Rome's been getting it done. He has points in his last 2 games, each an assist coming with the man advantage.

In truth, while the Keith Ballard benching is deserved, it says less about him than it does about Aaron Rome, for whom a benching would be undeserved. Rick Bowness implied something similar. From the MacIntyre article:

“This is the best hockey Aaron Rome has played for us,” associate coach Rick Bowness, who runs the Canucks defence, said. “Look at his minutes. He's on the second power-play unit and we've got the No. 1-ranked power play in the league. He has earned that ice time. He's doing what we need him to do.”

Exactly. This is about Aaron Rome making the most of his opportunities, and you have to reward guys for that or you run the risk of your motivational tactics falling on deaf ears. If you say money won't determine playing time--that you play the players that give you a chance to win every night, as Vigneault always says--and Ballard gets in over Rome tonight, you're full of crap and everyone will know. Rome has been better. So he plays.

Still, it won't be this way forever. If you hear it from Ballard, he's been bad. "I have to be more calm with the puck," he said. "I've been a little scrambly at times." And he certainly looked bad the other night when he blew a tire and let Niklas Kronwall score a 2nd period go-ahead goal. But, in truth, he hasn't been that bad. Henrik Sedin also blew a tire that game; it only resulted in a scoring chance. And even Vigneault has admitted he's not as unhappy with Ballard's play as Ballard is. From Ben Kuzma:

Vigneault doesn't believe Ballard is struggling as much as the blueliner believes and he cited a new environment, offseason hip surgery and a concussion as factors to a slow start for Ballard.

Context! Precious context! Let us remember, and not forget, that Ballard's still--understandably--a work in progress. He arrived to the team fresh off a hip surgery, and just when he was starting to get his legs under him, he was dropped by a concussion, the symptoms of which lingered for an alarmingly long time. Recall that you can't work out when you have a concussion. Now we're talking about a guy that desperately needs to be working out because he's on the home stretch of a hip rehabilitation, and he's not even allowed to ride the bike. You don't think that slows down his progress a little?

Without question, it does. Look no further than the fact he's being outplayed by Aaron Rome.

So Keith Ballard sits, and I'm okay with that. He might need a little time off anyway to catch up on his workout regimen. Meanwhile, the Canucks are riding a six-game win streak, and they'd like to keep it up. "We want to win," Vigneault said. "We'll play our best lineup." And that's the best thing about all this. We're winning. It's tough to complain when we're winning. And what a luxury to know that, if the good ship Canuck stalls, you've got a guy like Ballard ready to step into the lineup, motivated by the fear of becoming the Western Conference's version of Wade Redden if he doesn't step up his game?

I'm Loving the New Goalie Coach

Before the acquisition of the new goaltending coach, there were many nights where Luongo was clearly not standing on his head. This incriminating photo is just one of many taken where if you look closely, you can see Luongo standing upright. Is that the team on his back? No, it isn't.

I've got to hand it to Mike Gillis. He knew just what to do here. Tonight, Luongo looked just like his former immortal self. Had I forgotten he could play like this? Maybe a little.

Tonight's game reminded me so much of 2006-07, right down to the 2-1 shootout loss. Luongo was amazing, traffic buzzing all around him and the puck somehow staying out. At one point in the first period I'm pretty sure he teleported. Fair play to Mike Gillis, acquiring the one guy who could really light a fire under Luongo:

Keith Ballard.

Keith Ballard is the premier defenseman/goaltending coach in the league today. After he was traded to Florida during the 2008 offseason, he motivated Thomas Vokoun to step it up. The Florida goaltender's save percentage jumped from an already impressive .919 to a crazy-good .926, followed up by another .925 season.

How did he do it? Two things. First of all, Keith Ballard leads by example, playing hard every night and showing he's willing to sacrifice his body to play. But if that subtle message isn't enough, Ballard is willing to show goaltenders his displeasure if they slip up. In the oft-played clip of Ballard "accidentally" hitting Vokoun with the stick, what people often fail to notice is that Vokoun screwed up. After making the initial save, Vokoun seemingly lost interest in the puck, leaving it beside him and staring off in the distance before Kovalchuk jammed the puck home. Vokoun lost focus, drifting off into fantasy land, and Ballard decided it took the hard, uncompromising reality of his hockey stick to remind his goaltender to get it together.

Ballard did the same thing tonight. After all the amazing saves Luongo made tonight, it's almost hard to remember that he started the period out a little flat. He looked slow on a shot or two, and then Jack Johnson hit the post. Luck was keeping the puck out of that net, not Luongo. Still, the score was 0-0. Last season, we would wait for a soft goal before we lost patience with Luongo.

Not Keith Ballard. He sent a strong message right away, crashing Luongo's crease and knocking the goal off its moorings. "Accidents happen," Ballard was saying. "You better be sharper out there."

Luongo responded with an amazing night. If the Canucks could have generated some more offense early, rather than one too many penalties, Bobby Lu could have posted his first shutout of the season, but as it stands, he still stood tall. Most games, if you only score one goal you don't expect to win. This time, we almost did. And who do we have to thank?

Keith Ballard. Thanks for keeping our goalie on his toes.

It's Not an Excuse, It's a Reason

Who would guess a guy who hits like this would get a hip injury?

One of the biggest disappointments of the preseason has been the play of Keith Ballard. Back in June, Mike Gillis made arguably the biggest splash of the entry draft by trading the Canucks' first round pick, along with Steve Bernier and Michael Grabner, for the hard-hitting Florida defenceman and Victor Oreskovich. Because Ballard has played his entire career in small-market cities, most of the Canucks fanbase was unfamiliar with him except from a pair of hilarious youtube videos that showed him to be a goaltender's worst nightmare and one video slightly less hilarious but more full of glorious hipchecks. Harrison admitted his own confusion and NucksMisconduct had to ask, "Just what the hell is a Keith Ballard?" in their own review of the trade.

So, for many Canucks fans, this preseason has been the first real opportunity to see who Keith Ballard is and how he plays. Canucks fans wanted to see how "their" 4.2 million dollars was being spent and the results have not been encouraging: Ballard's defensive zone coverage has been a mess and he's a -4 in the two preseason games he's played. He hasn't just been bad, he's been noticeably bad in both games. But, as Iain Macintyre pointed out this morning, it's not necessarily his fault.

It turns out, and this is the first I have heard of it, Keith Ballard had a hip surgery back in May that kept him on crutches for two months. Apparently, he "had a stress fracture repaired in his hip socket and a cyst removed from the area" that delayed his summer training. He played through the injury all of last season, enhancing his reputation as a durable player with another full 82-game season. The report back in May was that the surgery was minor and that he would be 100% by training camp. Health-wise, this appears to be the case as Ballard claims that the hip is not the issue and that he's just taking a while getting back up to game-speed. Still, it's hard to believe that missing two months of training in the summer would not be a contributing factor to his slow start.

My soccer coaches always used to say, "Don't make excuses for a poor performance." And Ballard isn't making excuses, admitting that he's "just not quite there yet." But it is a reason why his play has not been up to par. Quite frankly, it's not surprising that Ballard would have a stress fracture on his hip given the number of hipchecks he deals out on a seemingly daily basis. I'm hoping that he gets back up to speed by the start of the season and I'm doing my best to avoid judging a player after two entirely meaningless games. But it's difficult to avoid when Ballard has spent his career in Arizona and Florida, far away from Vancouver eyes. Ballard's game depends on good reads and great timing, as a proper hipcheck is nearly impossible without perfect timing.

Fortunately, the Canucks defense is deep enough to start the season that Ballard won't have to play on the top-pairing as he did on Sunday. And he should never, ever be paired with Kevin Bieksa again. Ever. Bieksa and Ballard were on the ice for both of Edmonton's powerplay goals and were spectacularly ineffective together. That was a comedy of errors that should never be repeated.

Canucks Acquire Keith Ballard, Confuse Fanbase

Ladies and gentlemen, Keith Ballard.

There is a definite possibility that you have not yet heard the news that Keith Ballard now plays for the Vancouver Canucks. It happened last Friday, just before the NHL entry draft, but I'm sure you don't care about when--you care about what went the other way. Well, let's fill you in: in exchange for the right to move Keith Ballard's couch to Yaletown as well as some dude named Victor Oreskovich, the Canucks parted ways with Michael Grabner, Steve Bernier, and their 1st round pick in the draft.

I know what you're feeling right now: confusion. You're confused. Like Fox Mulder, you want to believe. Mike Gillis has earned our love and respect these past few years by making some pretty decent moves. The Mikael Samuelsson signing? Great move. The Christian Ehrhoff trade? Stellar move. Even many of his recent draftees appear to be laden with promise. In many respects, Mike Gillis has been good to us. But there is a dark side to Mike Gillis. It was likely his inner Sith Lord that traded a third-round pick for Andrew Alberts. Heck, perhaps it was that same evil force that thought Steve Bernier would be a force to be reckoned with. And let's be frank: the debate over whether or not the Mats Sundin signing was a good thing or a hilarious fiasco is about as tight as the Florida Recount. When you really think about it, Mike Gillis's track record is not going to help you determine whether or not you like this trade. Reputation is out, so let's do it the old-fashioned way. Let's do it how Ross chose between Julie and Rachel. Let's make a list of pros and cons.

PRO
The Canucks get a top-four defenseman they desperately need.

CON
The Canucks gave up their first-round draft pick to get him, meaning they didn't have a pick for the first three rounds of the draft.

PRO
It was, by Mike Gillis's assertion, a weak draft, and the Canucks' prospect pool is strong enough that he's comfortable being the first GM in Canucks' history to wait to draft anybody until round four. He was so cool with it that he drafted Patrick McNally in the fourth-round, a high-school student who's planning to go to Harvard after his senior year next year.

CON
The Canucks gave up Michael Grabner, who showed flashes of brilliance during his time with the Canucks this year. Though he seemed destined to spend his time scoring 30 goals a season in the AHL, he finally cracked the big lineup in 2009, scoring 11 points in 20 games. At times looked dangerous, especially skating with Mason Raymond and Ryan Kesler on what fans called the speed line. He also managed a pretty impressive hat trick in only his seventeenth NHL game. Now he looks like he might be a 30-goal-scorer in the NHL.

PRO
Grabner was deemed superfluous when Anton Rodin and Jordan Schroeder headed to Manitoba. Schroeder especially showed that he might be ready to surpass Grabner on the depth chart, especially considering what he did in Manitoba at the end of last season. Furthermore, the top-six appears fairly set, with Burrows and Samuelsson as the interchangeable right wings to complement the Sedins, and the speedy, tight-checking Raymond and Kesler unit. Where was Grabner supposed to go? He showed, in the playoffs last year, that he didn't have the nose for the net or the grit necessary to be a third-line guy. He was going back to Manitoba, where he would swiftly find himself battling other prospects to be the first call-up. There was a likelihood he would lose, and if he suffered any sort of setback, he'd never be worth what he was on Friday. Not only was Michael Grabner expendable, but he may have peaked in value to the Vancouver Canucks. Such is their sudden, supposed prospect depth at forward. Grabner may very well turn into a consistent top-six guy in Florida, but it wasn't going to happen here.

CON
The Canucks gave up Steve Bernier! He had the potential to be the next great power forward. As the former rights-holders of a guy named Cam Neely, Vancouver should be extra careful when trading away players with this sort of potential.

PRO
The Canucks got rid of Steve Bernier! Let's be honest. Bernier was perhaps the biggest bust Mike Gillis has made thus far. He was terrible. He missed more tap-ins than anyone, ever, and he was being paid 2 million a year to do exactly what Victor Oreskovich will do for $575,000. Don't get lost by his draft position or former pedigree: Bernier was a failure being paid for potential he had proven he couldn't fulfill. Rather than wait for this inevitability to be plain to everyone, Gillis shipped him out for much-needed capspace without losing any of the positives he would have brought: grit, size, and what I will heretofore refer to as fourthlinerness.

CON
Speaking of capspace, have you seen Keith Ballard's cap hit? He's making 4.2 million a season until 2015. This is a very long time considering we nobody seems to know exactly what he's going to bring us. In the best case scenario, he turns out like another Christian Ehrhoff, surprising everyone and making the Canucks the out-and-out winners in a foolish trade, but in the worst case scenario, he turns out like another Jay Bouwmeester and fizzles out after leaving Florida, the city that apparently ruins hockey players (see also: Jokinen, Olli). In this scenario, he sucks it up and makes life Hell for the Canucks when Christian Ehrhoff argues, during contract talks, that he's clearly worth more than Keith "Lame Duck" Mallard.

PRO
If Ballard works out, he should bring more to the table than Christian Ehrhoff. He is said to possess similar offensive abilities to Ehrhoff, along with Ehrhoff's missing element: grit. He should help the Canucks D-corps by adding some toughness and increasing the point-getting ability of one of the highest-scoring bluelines in the NHL last season. Ballard, it's said, is mean, perhaps teetering on batcrap insane. Well, maybe he isn't, but this Youtube video sure is. The long and the short of it is this: if Ballard pans out the way Gillis thinks he will, he'll be about a two/three defenseman, he'll cap what Ehrhoff asks for in negotiations, he'll give us some of the grit we were missing against the Chicago Blackhawks, he'll improve one of our greatest strengths, and he'll make us harder to play against. That's a lot to ask for, but that package of goodness is why this trade might make sense after all.

CON
This was clearly a cap dump by GM Dale Tallon, and speaking of general managers with enough credibility to assume that they won deals just because of who they are, a team that this guy assembled recently won the Stanley Cup. I heard this argument recently on a Kurtenblog podcast and I agree. From where I'm sitting, Dale Tallon dumping salary is unlike Doug Wilson dumping salary.

PRO
Actually, Dale Tallon did, like, forget to qualify a bunch of restricted free agents this one time, costing him team millions. Remember that? That's got to count for something.

CON
The Canucks now have five defenseman on the roster making over three million.

PRO
It appears Kevin Bieksa, who does some very good things, is expendable. He'd fetch, at worst, a forward skilled enough to play alongside our third-line center, be it Cody Hodgson, Jordan Schroeder, or our beloved Kyle Wellwood, back for a third tour. I've been sticking up for Kevin Bieska for two seasons now, but even I can't explain what in the Hell he's doing on this play. Juice is great, but he has a tendency to be a bonehead. I heard somewhere that Ballard is a faster, more reliable, equally mean version of Kevin Bieksa. If that's true, I'd be happy to see Bieksa go.

CON
Keith Ballard once threw a puck into his own net (video at the top), and, you've likely already seen the video of the time he accidentally Canseocoed his Tomas Vokoun in the face. Ballard might not be done with the helmet fires.

PRO
I'm a huge Canucks fan and everything is sunny until we get eliminated from the playoffs.


Final analysis: No idea, and though the radio, the newspapers, and the Internet have been abuzz with people weighing in, the truth is that they have no idea either. I don't think anybody's ever watched this guy play. Playing in Florida is a little like farting outdoors, in that it goes largely unnoticed. Now, Ballard appears to have generated a lot of interest, before the Canucks emerged as the highest bidder, so he's clearly got something teams want. If Ballard can be all the things people say he could be, he's a great acquisition. But that's a big if. It's a risky if, and nobody can give any reliable insight into its probability. That's scary, but considering the bullish, overinformed nature of Vancouver hockey punditry, it's downright bewildering. It's also frustrating for Canucks fans, who have grown used to a media spoonfeeding them every tidbit they've ever wanted. This time around it's not happening.

Anyway. I can see why you're confused.