Monday, March 14, 2011

The Dreaded Two-Goal Lead: Rick Rypien Has a Beard Now

"I've never been more excited about hockey, now that I have this beard."

Canucks news comes fast and furious, and sometimes we find ourselves playing catchup. Thankfully, the Dreaded Two Goal Lead--often called "the worst lead in hockey"--is super easy to come back from. Everybody knows it's a guaranteed death sentence for those that hold it. Well, much like an ice hockey team coming from two goals down, PITB will now effortlessly catch up.

Rick Rypien has resurfaced after a lengthy leave of absence, and he appears to have received some counseling from Conan O'Brien. How else to explain his wicked new beard? If there's one lesson that Conan's taught us, it's that the best way to return is with a big patch of scruff. Last Tuesday, Rypien spoke to the media for the first time in months, saying he's "never been more excited about hockey." The Canucks announced that Ryp has joined the Moose on a conditioning assignment and may be granted special permission, under the circumstances, to stay in the AHL longer than the usual two weeks. Unless he really impresses, expect him to remain in Winnipeg for the rest of the season. For fans outside of Manitoba, you can probably follow Rypien's every shift at

Wherein the universe continues its conspiracy to make Daniel Sedin the evil twin. After surging to the top of the NHL scoring race with 3 goals and 5 assists in the past week to put him at 89 points on the season (six clear of his brother, with whom he has a longstanding blood feud), Daniel Sedin was named's second star of the week. Poor Daniel can't get a clean win. They may as well have dumped a bucket of chicken blood on his head. Expect either an Art Ross or a fullscale psychic meltdown for Daniel by the season's end.

Tanner Glass sat out the Calgary game with a mysterious injury, and will miss tonight's as well. Apparently, he's been playing through this injury for awhile. Is it a wrist injury? My handshake is pretty strong. Likely not, but we've got no choice but to speculate, especially after all the Canucks recently entered a Glass cone of silence. (Note: this is a metaphorical cone of silence regarding Glass, not a literal cone made of Glass.) Jason Botchford reported that, when asked about it, Jeff Tambellini pointed to his lower abdomen. What the crap? There may be a conspiracy of vagueness in the locker room, but don't just blame the players; the media is an accomplice here. Seriously, Botch, where on his lower abdomen did Tamby point? Does that qualify as an obscene gesture?

Dan Murphy recently tweeted that Kevin Bieksa, out for three weeks with a broken foot, skated with the team today and could play as early as Wednesday. Then the real controversy will start. Who comes out? Rome or Tanev? Ha ha, just kidding, it'll be Keith Ballard.

Poor Keith Ballard is having a rough season. He can't even dress himself properly. According to Christine, who runs the blog Play Me That Ballard, the Canucks' resident prankster has apparently been pranking his wardrobe all season long. Christine recently noticed that Hips has a tendency to disregard legs, rolling up his pantlegs like a nine-year-old. Considering that Ballard's sizable contract has been a topic du jour all season, you'd think he'd have the pocket change to pay a tailor. But maybe he can't reach his pockets because of how poorly tailored his pants are to begin with? Or maybe he's just bad at dressing himself. The Canucks had meal plans made up for Kyle Wellwood, so I'm sure they can find someone to lay out Ballard's clothes for the next day.

And, in case you missed it, here's Chris Higgins on After Hours, featuring a gratuitous closeup of his mangled thumb, if you're into that sort of thing. I'll bet the Canucks are. After the Canucks started the season with a fourth-liner guy that treated his thumb with callous disregard, Chris Higgins healthy respect for a healthy thumb is likely a welcome change. Here's the whole video:


  1. Okay... So the bit with Danny Boy cracked me up. I nearly choked on the grape I was attempting to swallow. The part about Glass, while it does concern me, make me choke on the grape I had just managed to stop choking on because of the "Glass cone of silence" and the handshake bit. "Does that qualify as an obscene gesture?" Thankfully, by the time we got to Bally's pants I had completely given up on my grapes. Love PITB.

  2. Hey, a good PitB afternoon to you, too! Thank you for the monday-recap.

  3. i happened to be eating grapes as well. Thank god I wasn't eating anything more chokable.

  4. What I think is significant about Rypien is that it seems the secret behind his leave is officially out. Either that, or the press has gone beyond good taste in naming it. He mentions something about helping other NHL players: is that regarding his personal experience or his hockey experience? It doesn't matter, and it's no one's business, of course. I'm glad he's feeling well enough to stick his toe on the ice and give it a go.

    As for all this other news you're broadcasting (like real newsies!) there's quite a bit to chew on there. Particularly your lede with the tease of talk about two-goals leads, that actually didn't lead anywhere. You guys are so cryptically clever ;)

  5. Sorry, Chicken Chick. I removed your comment because it's already been seen over at the IWTG. Trust us: we see every comment.

  6. poor keith..what have I done. hah :D


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