Monday, March 07, 2011

I Find This Video Odd: Ryan Kesler, Topless Pizza Delivery Guy


Here is a video from Canucks.com of Raffi Torres doing a postgame interview with Kristin Reid. It's not interesting. For about twelve seconds, that is. And then, a shirtless Ryan Kesler emerges from behind a curtain, chowing down on some za, altogether too pleased with his lingering, nippletastic, pizza-devouring self. First, he just peers. Then he creeps. He gets progressively closer and closer to Raffi as the video goes on. I imagine he's humming the theme from Jaws the whole time.

And then, after standing directly behind Torres for a full minute, he offers Raffi some pizza. Raffi curtly says "No thanks", and half-naked Kesler disappears from the frame.

I'm interested in what Kesler would have done if Raffi had said yes. I'm fairly certain he just ate the only slice of pizza he had. Unless he's Donald Duck, no clothes means no pockets. Also, what is this? A dirty movie? If you want to deliver pizza, wear a shirt.

Cut from the interview: Raffi explains that Kesler is only comfortable without a shirt if he's a holding a piece of pizza. They had to photoshop the slice out of the RK17 shoot.


39 comments:

  1. It's amazing how much Ryan Kesler will smile when the Canucks are winning.

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  2. I've watch movies that involve topless people and pizza delivery. This was not like those movies.

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  3. The most disturbing part of this video is learning that Kesler has a Superman logo with the letter K replacing the S. Barf.

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  4. Has Raffi's mouth always looked like that? As if only the right side opens? Toss in a pipe and a sailor hat and he could pull off a good Popeye.

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  5. Steven I believe Raffi has a dip in and that is why his mouth looks funny.

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  6. it's better than sucking on a ciggy, i guess, but not much. yuck. that's just too funny. obviously Kes's abs were airbrushed in the RK advert as well. Too much pizza.

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  7. Geez Harrison, you go from mentioning on national TV how Kesler celebrates a new contract to showing video of him shirtless eating pizza? Coming soon: PitB Live! Coming to you from a tree outside Kesler's house!

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  8. yeah, torres definitely has a big dip in so that makes it pretty funny that kesler would ask. ballsy move going on camera while chewing haha

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  9. Huuugee lipper, reminded me of when Tuzzi used to do interviews with chompers in lol.

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  10. Neal, Kesler was the one who CHOSE to appear on camera shirtless eating pizza. Obviously he doesn't care.

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  11. Sorry Gabrielle, Text is a crude medium for portraying thoughts. That comment was meant in jest, as are most of my sarcastic musings on PitB.

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  12. We take everyone seriously all the time, Neal. Just like Ryan Kesler, this video being the exception. That said, maybe after Raffi spurned his pizza advances, he was genuinely upset about it. We can't know for sure. So we have to assume that he was.

    Geez. Lighten up, Kesler.

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  13. Oh my god. I hate him so much. Such a paragon of doucheyness!

    GO TO ATLANTA, YOU TOOL.

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  14. LOL

    Super K, faster then a speeding pizza delivery guy, able to disappear in the playoffs like no one else, and strong enough to call guys out in press conferences then get his ASS kicked....

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  15. ah, pitb has finally made it: trolls have arrived. at least write your slander in haiku ;)

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  16. Anonymous9:03 has a point. You anonymous trolls need to shape up. If you're going to trash talk, you need to either write haiku or have a discernible meter and a rhyme scheme. Get it together. This is a high-class blog with high-class haters. Did you not see our Brecht reference? Come on!

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  17. skeeter dan

    hey i don't hate youse
    it's just i chicago choose
    to the cup they'll cruise

    chicken hawk

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  18. I have a feeling the fact that Raffi's lip is loaded with a ridiculous amount of dip, may possibly be the reason behind Kes going out there with a mouthful of p'za. I bet the guys were all havin a laugh cuz Miss Reid and the cameraman cornered Torres before he had a chance to realize what was going on... Whatever the case, good good stuff, superkes logo or not

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  19. I strongly suspect that Torres, a grade 10 drop out who has been chewing since probably grade 8, doesn't really care if he is interviewed with a dip in or not.

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  20. I strongly suspect that ANYBODY making millions of dollars playing for a playoff contender doesn't care if he is interviewed with dip in or not.

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  21. All you need to know about the video: Kesler's tat is terrible and Raffi's dip is massive.

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