I Watched This Game: Canucks at Blue Jackets, March 27, 2011

Canucks 4 - 1 Blue Jackets

What's the remedy for a team that has very little left to play for? Pit them against a team that never has anything to play for. The Canucks coasted through yesterday's Sunday matinee game, and probably deserved a loss for such lackadaisical play, but it's pretty tough to outcoast the Blue Jackets, or, as Rick Nash knows them, the World Hockey Championships preseason tuneup squad. To the passive observer, this one looked like a battle of who could care less, so the outcome shouldn't surprise; Columbus has steeled themselves on many such battles. The Blue Jackets played their game perfectly, which means the Canucks won the game. And I watched this game:

• How can you tell that spending even a short period of time in Columbus absolutely crushes the human spirit? Check out Scottie Upshall's absentee stat line. When we last saw the man they call "Updog" (okay, they don't, but they should), he was playing his first game with the Blue Jackets, the day after a trade from the Phoenix try-hards. As of yet unspoiled, he scored a goal to go with six shots, two hits and a blocked shot, and was named the game's second star. A month later, Upshall's only contribution to the stat line was a won faceoff. You probably didn't even realize he was playing, and apparently, neither did he.

• Okay, seriously though, the Blue Jackets peppered the Canuck net with shots most of the afternoon. Unfortunately for them, Cory Schneider was in the net the whole time. He made a bevy of amazing saves, rightly earning first star honours and picking up his 15th win in his 20th start. He also pitched a shutout for over fifty minutes, before surrendering the prerequisite Snack Goal, just to remind his teammates that there's literally no difference when he tends goal instead of Luongo. That marked the 9th time a Canuck goaltender has lost the shutout within the last 10 minutes. They're addicted. How much of a problem is this? I don't even mean the last 10 minutes of games. I mean literally the last 10 minutes.

• I've heard a lot of praise directed at the Canucks organization for coming through on a promise to start Schneider for 20 games. It's undeserved. First, they never made any such guarantees; the media only inferred it. Furthermore, Schneider played lights out almost all season, and that merited 20 starts. If he had even been average this season, he wouldn't have cracked 15. Really, the only person who deserves kudos for hitting this benchmark is Schneider for earning it.

• I'll tell you who didn't have to muster any motivation for today's game: Chris "Kiss Huggins" Higgins. Safe to say, after seeing this photo, Higgins likely said to himself, I want me some of that. He spent the afternoon doing everything in his power to necessitate group hugs between he and his cuddly linemates. Higgins successfully created three such occasions, finishing with two goals and an assist. He was fantastic. His first goal was the most impressive, as he outskated the aforementioned Scottie "The Drifter" Upshall, picked up the Ryan Kesler pass at a sharp angle, and roofed it. His second goal was a snoozy, late-game powerplay tap-in, but you know Alain Vigneault's pretty excited at the prospect of a second powerplay unit that creates tap-ins. The secret to invigorating any unit, apparently, is to put Chris Higgins on it. He'll do anything for the post-goal hug; Kiss Huggins just wants to hold you.

• Higgins has looked excellent on the second line since his promotion to it a few games ago, but this is the first game where it showed on the scoresheet, as his line finished with a combined eight points. The success of the Higgins/Kesler/Raymond trio means that Mikael Samuelsson is likely going to get bumped to the third line when he returns from injury. With this in mind, and considering the third line already has two wingers, Alain Vigneault toyed yesterday with moving Hansen to center. It will be interesting to see if Hansen's pokecheck-rich game thrives with a bit more freedom, or if skating in the middle is akin to knocking Pokey's head off.

• Was anyone else suspicious of this Mayorov character? He claims to be a Blue Jackets' defenseman, but his name sounds made up. Adding "ov" onto established English words is how North Americans mimic Russians. This guy is clearly a deposed Ohio mayor who's gone into hiding under the guise of being a Russian hockey player. Thinking about it, the Columbus roster seems like a pretty good place to hide. If this works, expect the ploy to go mainstream, yielding such exilees as Senatorov and Chairmanofthehousov. And if it goes international, expected Derek Brassard to eventually find himself skating between Mubarakov and Gaddafov.

• Mason Raymond finished this game with 3 assists. To celebrate, he set an alarm and got up early to watch that famous Ohio sunrise.

• Early in the game, Dan Hamhuis suffered a concussion after both he and Kevin Bieksa tried to check Rick Nash at the same time. This is Hamhuis's second concussion this season and fourth of his career. That's scary stuff. Last time he was concussed, Hamhuis admitted he'd consider retirement rather than threaten his ability to enjoy life, post-hockey. Let's hope it doesn't come to that. On an ironic sidenote, this is the second time this week Hamhuis and Bieksa have collided while going for the cheque. The first time was yesterday at dinner. Dan "Community Man" Hamhuis always pays.

• The Canucks had 25 blocked shots in the game. That's 25 blocked shots too many this late in the season. Get the Hell out of the way. The worst was a first period penalty-kill where Ryan Kesler took a Jan Hejda shot off the left ankle and, while wincing in extreme pain, popped up and took a Jan Hejda shot off the right ankle. Were he in possession of a third ankle, you got the sense he would have blocked a shot with it. Kesler blocked four total shots in the game. Someone remind him that, if he breaks an ankle before the playoffs, no one will let him cut his feet off and play centre in a sledge.

• Keith Ballard blocked six shots, in direct disobedience to Alain Vigneault. For his misdeeds, he was punished with two minutes less icetime than Aaron Rome.

• Christian Ehrhoff blocks a lot of shots too (he blocked three yesterday) but it's worth noting he blocks most of them with his stick. Ehrhoff gets his stick in front of everything. Insert Charlie Sheen joke here. I won't stoop to Sheen. Insert porn star joke here.

• Speaking of Christian Ehrhoff, his goal (above) is created with some impressive vision and quick thinking. The moment Chris Higgins touches this puck, Ehrhoff notices that the Columbus checker up high has turned his back to him. In that instant, he sprints in from the blueline, where Raymond finds him with a nifty little backpass. Ehrhoff now has 48 points. Two more, and he'll be the first D-man to collect 50 since Jyrki Lumme. Hopefully he doesn't get there, though, because I'd like the Canucks to be able to afford him.

• Speaking of bad defensive zone breakdowns, why was nobody covering Henrik Sedin on the power play? Yeah, Henrik seems like a guy you'd want to watch in front. Who's got the reigning scoring champion? Meh. What a backhand, too. Henrik went top shelf, where Buzz keeps his life savings.

I Watched This Game: Canucks vs. Blue Jackets, March 1, 2011

Canucks 2 - 1 Blue Jackets (SO)

It's a shame that the Canucks weren't wearing their retro jerseys, because this game was a total throwback. The team played poorly, showing a complete lack of offensive flair and a general disarray throughout, but thankfully, Roberto Luongo stood tall and singlehandedly kept them in the game. You'd have thought it was 2006. Funny Bob made 30 stops on the night, and it seemed as though every other one was a game-saver. He was in perfect position all evening, too, making partial breakaways and point-blank chances look completely non-threatening. And his reward for perhaps his best effort of the season? The longest shootout ever. Lucky Lou, you know how he loves a breakaway competition. Thankfully, he was game for that too, just like I was game to watch him, when I watched this game:

• Luongo had tiger blood tonight (second only to unicorn blood from blood unicorns). His best save of the evening came when he stopped RJ Umberger on a breakaway, but it wasn't just about the save. It was the way he made sure to get a piece of Umberger's ankle as the center went past, putting him off-balance and sending him, spinning, into the corner, so as to prevent any rebound chances. That was most definitely on purpose.

• Aaron Rome took an interesting "illegal stick" penalty at 6:14 of the third period. His stick hadn't broken; he merely lost it. As he skated to the boards to cut off the Blue Jacket puck carrier, he picked up Scotty Upshall's stick, also-dropped, and used it to tie up the man. Originally, it seemed like a heady move, but the referee blew play dead immediately to call an infraction. What was it? Rule 10.3 of the official NHL rulebook states: A player who has lost or broken his stick may only receive a stick at his own players’ bench or be handed one from a teammate on the ice. Hence, Rome can't pick up Scotty Upshall's stick without getting a penalty. You can't play with an opponent's stick. For instance, Mikko Koivu is not allowed to lose his stick, then rip Bobby Ryan's stick from right out of his hands, and use that instead. And neither can Ryan then pick up Mikko Koivu's dropped stick, score a goal, and taunt Koivu with his stick immediately afterwards. That would be a penalty for sure.

• The crowd was eerily quiet. It was like classic Buffy episode Hush; you'd have thought all their voices had been stolen by The Gentlemen. I can't help but wonder if a little home crowd support might have spurred the team to, you know, play well, but on the plus side, the muted crowd allowed the play cameras to pick up a number of on ice F-bombs.

• I love when power forwards like Rick Nash have full beards. They look so freaking intimidating. Mind you, it's not just posturing with Nash. Any time the puck is on his stick, it's concerning. It's a shame he plays in Columbus. Imagine if he played in a city that knew they had an NHL team.

• Mason Raymond finally broke his scoring slump with a pretty little backhand goal (above) generated by some great board work by Ryan Kesler. Watching a player break an extended scoring drought like that is one of the rewards of following a team closely. Knowing the context, it was hard not to feel his joy, to beam while he was beaming. He was visibly excited, letting out a triumphant "Woo!" on the bench after the goal. I haven't seen Raymond that excited since the team pitched in to buy him a new alarm clock (joke explained: Mason Raymond is boring). Raymond seemed inspired by the goal, and he netted another beauty in the shootout with some fabulous stickwork and skate control to freeze Steve Mason. Raymond had four shots on goal, tops among forwards. Raymond wasn't perfect, mind you. He missed a whopping five shots on the night. In perspective: the rest of the team, combined, missed eight.

• Mind you, that's not as bad as Ryan Kesler, who had zero shots on net last night, with seven attempts blocked. Do you think getting in front of his wrister has become a top priority? Now that he's a known sniper, he's going to have to work a lot harder to create a shooting lane. Later that night, in the shootout, Henrik Sedin showed exemplary leadership when he modeled for Kesler how to get people to quit respecting your shot.

• I liked Alain Vigneault's smirk at the bench during the shootout. What was so funny? My guess is he was imagining the Bluth family do their various chicken dances.

• Keith Ballard had five blocked shots and three hits in three minutes of icetime fewer than Aaron Rome. Aaron Rome may be a forgotten Scrabbler, but Alain Vigneault never seems to forget to play him.

• The great thing about having a shootout go on for so long is that you're guaranteed an unlikely hero. Seriously, Vigneault's next shooter was Frodo Baggins. That said, this thing could have been over much sooner if one of the coaches had realized the secret to the shootout: send out guys who used to play for the opponent. Instant win. No surprise, then, that Raffi Torres was the game's unlikely hero.

• You have to feel bad for Maxim Lapierre, whose first game went about as poorly as it possibly could have. He only played five minutes, but boy, were they eventful. In his first shift as a Canuck, he took a minor penalty. During the first intermission, he likely told himself to calm down, because the worst was over. Then, in his first shift of the second period, the Blue Jackets scored. During the second intermission, he probably told himself things could only improve, and he was likely quite excited when nothing untoward happened on his first shift of the third period. Unfortunately, this would be last shift of the game. On the plus side, he finished on a positive note, and was named the game's thirty-first star.

• Scotty Upshall was kind of amazing last night. His shot on Columbus's lone goal was downright unstoppable, like picking a fight with a warlock.

• Dan "Community Man" Hamhuis's hipcheck on Jakub Voracek was a real thing of beauty. I like how, when Keith Ballard pulls off a hipcheck, the recipient gets pissed, but when Hamhuis does it, the recipient just understands. Mind you, maybe it's because Hamhuis is such a nice guy, he only hipchecks when he suspects a guy need a minor spinal adjustment. Hamhuis runs an on-ice chiropractic clinic. Of course it's free.

• The Canucks' powerplay is beginning to dry up in the absence of its quarterback, Alex Edler. There have been games where Mikael Samuelsson has been able to keep it humming along, but when he has a lackadaisical outing like last night, the unit falls apart. Sami Salo saw a promotion to the top unit in the third period, but it wasn't enough to get the game-winner during a four minute powerplay to close out regulation time. There was a lingering sense that this would come back to haunt them, like some sort of powerplay poltergeist, bringing clowns to life and whatnot.

• And finally, we would be remiss not to talk about the high number of pratfalls in last night's game. People were running into one another, tripping over blue lines, and flubbing on shots and passes all evening. It was high octane physical comedy. Halfway through the game, the organist abandoned the setlist and started playing music from Buster Keaton's The General.

I Watched This Game: Canucks at Blue Jackets, December 23, 2010

Canucks 7 - Blue Jackets 3

Less than twenty-four hours after a high-octane skillfest with one of the NHL's elite teams in one of the NHL's elite hockey markets, the Canucks were sentenced to an evening in Columbus. There was concern that this game could be something of a trap game, as Vancouver realistically couldn't have much left to give after yesterday's tilt, and also because it's literally impossible to be excited about a trip to Ohio. Yet somehow, the Canucks came out like gangbusters, making crisp passes and scoring seemingly at will; they had this one sewn up before the end of the first period. It was refreshing to see the Vancouver crush an opponent, especially after we saw what they were capable of a day earlier in Detroit--and Columbus ain't Detroit. The Canucks put on a clinic last night and, much like the Blue Jackets, I watched this game:

• We've talked about the Sedins' frustrating ability to put up 4 points between them without controlling the game, so it's always nice to see them decimate and demoralize an opponent with their Wizardous Sedinerie. They were unrelenting last night, and the Blue Jackets looked downright hapless defending them. The opening goal was an excellent example, as Henrik Sedin lost the draw, but still managed to poke it to Daniel in front of the net. The Blue Jackets never got organized, and while Daniel's shot didn't go in, the line was already onto Plan B. This is something I love about the Sedins: once they have a team on their heels, they just push and push until the puck's in the net.
  

• I love Shorty's call on the second goal: "Somebody start singing Sweet Georgia Brown, it's 2-0!" If you're wondering, Sweet Georgia Brown is the Harlem Globetrotters theme, but it was first recorded in 1925 by bandleader Ben Bernie. Somedays, I wonder how Bernie would feel knowing his tune had been adopted as the theme song of a swarm of emasculating, glory-hogging showboaters. I tell you, if my music ever becomes synonymous with bad sportsmanship, let me die.

• Raffi Torres is an enigmatic dude. He's talented enough to score 20 goals in a season, despite being not smart with the puck. Raffi got halfway to 20 on Thursday night with a two-goal performance, both on fabulous tip plays, and I've said it before: Torres tips like the waitress is pregnant. He tips like he's the star of It Could Happen to You with Nic Cage and Bridget Fonda. Raffi's the best tipper on the team--maybe one of the best in the league--and if you give him a waist-level puck, he'll prove it in a hurry. Because of his goofy puck decisions, Torres lost his spot on the second unit powerplay to Jeff Tambellini awhile back, but he'll win it back every time he reminds the coaching staff how good at redirecting pucks he is. I suspect, after Christmas, he'll be back on the unit.

• While we're talking about the second Torres goal, let's take a moment to realize how little Columbus cares at this point. When it lands in the back of the net, it's like one of those improv flash mobs that freezes at a train station. Nobody moves, and nobody seems to care. Mason's a butterfly goaltender and he's standing straight up like Kirk McLean. Marc Methot looks like he's still waiting for the referee to drop the puck. Did someone slip these guys a roofie? If someone's sitting on a stash of Rohypnol, now might be a good time to give one to every fan still in the stadium.

• Before I forget, the Henrik and Daniel combined for two more goals, (this one and the crazy one above) finishing with 4 and 3 points, respectively. What's incredible to me is that they only played 15 minutes of the game. Even more interesting, though, is that their icetime wasn't severely reduced in the third. They played about five minutes of every period, meaning Vigneault was already resting them by the first.

• If I have one gripe, it's Shorty and Garret's broken promise: on the third goal, Garrett begs Shorty to use the Sweet Georgia Brown line again, and Shorty says he'll use it later. Then, later, the Sedins give him the perfect opportunity with their fourth display of wizardous sedinerie. Instead of doing what he said, Shorty just laughs incredulously. You promised.

• Even despite the gimme game, Vigneault found a way to make some curious decisions with his icetime. As a result of the game's lopsidedness, Keith Ballard played eighteen minutes, but before you applaud the extra minutes, realize Andrew Alberts played over twenty. Vigneault's just rubbing his nose in it! Now, some of this had to do with resting his top players, as Christian Ehrhoff and Alex Edler were the game's low-minute pairing, finishing with eighteen minutes and seventeen minutes, respectively. But nothing makes sense when realize Kevin Bieksa still skated for a team-high 22:05. If somebody can tell me why Vigneault hates Keith Ballard and loves Kevin Bieksa so much, I'd like to know, so I can emulate it. Perhaps it's a fragrance? Were often very unaware of the ramifications of our odours. Someone tell Keith Ballard he smells.

• Maybe Vigneault was just showcasing Bieksa for those people in the crowd who looked identical to him. The one guy looked like he could be Kevin's twin brother. He must have been a scout.

• Quietly forgotten is that this was the last game of a 3-game road trip against 3 very difficult opponents, and the Canucks came out of it with 5 out of a possible 6 points. Their road record is now a very respectable 9-5-3. Here's a positive stat: no team in the Western Conference has more wins or points on the road.
  

• Dan Hamhuis had four shots in the first period, and holy cow, has this guy suddenly come alive. Hammy was flying in the opening frame, pinching like a madman, keeping the puck in the offensive zone, and stepping in off the blueline to wire shots. Every time Columbus thought they were about to alleviate the pressure, Hamhuis sent them wheeling back into their zone. He finished the night with one assist, but if he plays like that, he's got a pretty good chance to get two assists.

• Ryan Kesler's point streak is now at 6 games, and he's got 10 points in that span, and 15 points in the month of December. He's scoring like every night is prom night. Kesler had 1 goal, 2 shots, a game-high 5 hits, and 2 takeaways (i.e, an awesome stat line), and if we're being realistic, he's the reason this team has the best win percentage in the Western Conference. The Sedins are so good that any opponent's game plan is to stop them (hence, when the team gives up, the Sedins score a billion points). But if you do stop Daniel and Henrik, you've got a point-a-game center coming on the ice afterwards. That's tough to stop, and it's a luxury fans should celebrate. Vancouver has two of the best centers in the NHL; the best center in Toronto, on the other hand, is the YMCA.

• Let's give credit to Jannik Hansen, who appears to have stolen somebody else's hands. I saw this episode of Futurama. More than likely, somebody took Daniel's advice and gave him some lotion for Christmas, which he used to soften up his hands. Impressive; that's not what I would have done with it.

• Corey Schneider played well, but who cares? Chris Levesque could have won this game. Hey, has anybody ever seen that movie The Big Green? Doesn't Schneider kind of look like the goalie in that?
  

• And finally, Bulie @beninvictoria pointed this out: Jeff tambellini needs 3 more points to break his career season high. it took him 65 games last year, 18 so far this year. Not since the Micro Machines guy have I seen a man burn through points at such an accelerated rate.

I Watched This Game: Canucks vs Blue Jackets, December 15, 2010

Canucks 3 - 2 Blue Jackets (OT)

That was fun, huh? Incredibly, last night was already Ryan Kesler's fourth multi-goal game of the season, the 13th of his career. However, despite his propensity for scoring in bunches (like a blaxploitation hero), Kesler had yet to net three goals in sixty minutes.

Inspired by the Twitterverse's suspiciously familiar #PassItToKesler hashtag, Kesler finally rose to the occasion, and he might stay standing. Other players--lesser players--have scored hat-tricks and it hasn't meant much for their careers in the grand scheme. But in Kesler's case, considering the way he ruled the ice last night, I suspect we may be looking at a milestone that signifies his emergence as a bonafide NHL superstar. I would be okay with that. I watched this game:

• Kesler was the only Canuck to score last night (oh noes! without him we got shutout!). His three goals are most definitely the story. Here's the thing, though: he could have had five. Kesler directed a game-high 11 shots at the Columbus net: 3 went in, 1 was saved, 3 were blocked, and 4 more missed. He finished with a crazy 75% shooting percentage, and it could have been higher. The save was a highlight reel one, after Kesler got in behind the Columbus defense and roofed the puck, only to have Mathieu Garon come across brilliantly to stop it with his chest. Considering that all the talk about this game, pre-game, was about how Columbus hoped to shut down the Sedins, it must have been infuriating when Kesler decided to compound their concerns by going Wolvey Berserk on them himself.

• To the uninformed, Jan Hejda, who took a boarding penalty and put the Jackets down a man in overtime, will be the goat. But if you want to place some well-informed blame, your man is Antoine Vermette: it's his lazy defensive work and his single-minded Sedin-watching that allows Kesler to get in close and bury the game-winner. Look at him, meandering about like a spectator, with his stick lazily outstretched. That's not taking away the passing lane; that's beach combing. In fact, Vermette's backchecking is so lazy, Kesler literally glides past him. Tip for the young'uns: when the best player on the ice is streaking to the net, you take him.

• Rusty Klesla's going to take some flack for his boner on the second goal as well, but cut him some slack. You never know when the spirit of Christmas is going to rest upon your shoulders and inspire hardcore giving. More giving: Klesla was also the guy who backed in a bit too far and found himself lying down while Ryan Kesler scored the first goal. Some might say he gave too much.

• I watched the game at a pub with Daniel and his wife. They handed out pucks with Canucks numbers on them--if that guy scored a goal, you won a free beer. We drew Ballard, Bieksa, and Rome, respectively, so we knew up front we'd be paying. Meanwhile, three of the four guys at the table next to us, in some sort of karmic orgasm (which probably looked something like this), drew Kesler. Thankfully, they weren't loud drunks.

• The Canuck powerplay went 1-for-5, only scoring on the 4-on-3 overtime frame, a goal that came on the rush. When they got that powerplay, I remarked that they would probably score, because the 4-man unit doesn't include Mikael Samuelsson. He wasn't terrible in Christian Ehrhoff's place on the point, but the powerplay is now 0-for-10 when he's back there. And if you're still uncertain about Christian Ehrhoff's contributions, consider: the Canucks' powerplay is 3-for-17 in three games without him, with only one of the three goals scored by our star five-man unit.

• Tony Gallagher keeps giving it to the Canucks for not blowing out teams he feels they should, but he needs to consider the Western Conference logjam: yes, the Blue Jackets are in 11th, but they came into the game only two points behind Vancouver. Parity mitigates blowouts, Tony. That said, Columbus took some dumb penalties. You should probably bury a team when they do that. Seriously, it felt like Columbus was on the penalty kill all night. When you're playing with fewer men that often, it's time to ask your doctor if Cialis is right for you.

• Kevin Bieksa looked dangerous all evening, but his production has really dried up; I can't help but shrug at his scoring chances. In a month or so, it will probably be Sami Salo--he of the much better shot--on the receiving end of Sedin set plays. I look forward to this development.

• Can we get some consensus on whether or not the Sedins are predictable? Scott Arniel says they aren't, but they seem sort of predictable to me. You know they're good for an assist each game. Heck, when we went into overtime, I knew we were going to win because they had yet to get their points. I say predictable.

• Jeff Tambellini is suffering through some manic raymondlessness, but just because his scoring has slowed down doesn't mean he's not contributing. He still hits impressively for a little guy, and his speed on the backcheck is second to none. Last night was the second time he covered an insane amount of ground to take the puck off the stick of an opposing forward.

• The coaching staff continues to only find pleasure in one-third of their fourth line. Tanner Glass had four more minutes of icetime than his linemates, leading the team in hits with 4, and Jonas Andersson was sent back to Manitoba after the game in place of the hitty Aaron Volpatti. Let's hope Volpatti doesn't crap the bed in his first trip to the NHL, or we'll have to call him Aaron Volpotty. I'd hate to have to do that.

• Alex Edler had a game-high 27:45 of ice time, and I'll tell you why: in the absence of Christian Ehrhoff, the Iceman is the only truly offensive defenseman. It's always interesting to note who Vigneault double-shifts when he's looking for a goal. Last night, Edler was the guy. He was on the ice for all three goals and no goals against, and he finished the night plus-2.

• The only other guy to finish plus-2? Keith Ballard, who again had over 20 minutes of icetime. He appears to have earned his coach's trust, which is more than I can say for my wife. You promised me tortellini and then you made sandwiches. The trust is broken.

• And finally, a word about the Sportsnet intermission segment in which newspaper journalists who are not comfortable being on television are put on television: stop. It's a visibly cheap segment. Get these guys a studio, a desk, a dress code, a makeup crew, and some lapel mics. I'd be uncomfortable too if I knew the camera was too high and the lighting made me look like Skeletor.