Showing posts with label Kesha is some weaksauce music. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Kesha is some weaksauce music. Show all posts

Thursday, January 13, 2011

I Watched This Game: Canucks at Rangers, January 13, 2011

Canucks 0 - 1 Rangers



It is the worst letdown in the world when the Canucks suffer a shutout loss. It's a worse letdown than Urkel O's (the cereal that showed so much promise). Not only am I forced to watch the Canucks lose, but I'm forced to watch as they're held off the scoresheet. Truth is, it's boring. Plus it means the highlight package will also be boring: Don Taylor: in the second, Mikael Samuelsson streaks into the zone and shoots--it is blocked. It means the post-game breakdown will be boring. Blake Price: Henrik Lundqvist is a good goalie. It means fan conversation will be boring. Fan: I thought the Sedins weren't that good tonight. Like the pace of the game, everything slows to a crawl until the next one. It's a torture.

That's right. Watching bad hockey is literally torture. I, like any good Canadian, would sooner give away national secrets than watch a shutout loss. This is why Canada should never go to war with the United States: we're too easy to torture (and boy, do they torture). Sigh. I watched this game:

  • Well everyone, the Canucks lost in regulation. Don't panic, but this can only mean one thing: it's the end of days. How will it happen? I theorize the following: the human race is about to be overthrown by a coalition of marmots and marmosets. Their combined brainpower will allow them to crack the evolutionary code and evolve at alarming rates. Their combined military power will create an unstoppable marmy. People: it's marmageddon.
  • I'm exaggerating slightly. Nothing can evolve that quickly, save Canuck fans' opinions on their team. This loss isn't the end of the world. It sucks that the Canucks' point streak and Cory Schneider's point streak both had to end, but it was going to happen eventually. Hopefully, this loss is just a loss, and not the beginning of a streak going the other way. It's going to take much more winning to remain atop the NHL, where the Canucks maintain a three-point lead on Detroit and Philadelphia.
  • Let's get right out in front of any potential navel-gazing and establish that the Rangers played one Hell of a defensive game. The Associated Press called it an all-heart performance, and while it may not have been the hockey equivalent of trying to liberate Scotland, it was certainly commendable. The Rangers swarmed the puck, had 13 different guys combine to block 24 shots (including 5 from Dan Girardi), and forced the Canucks to shoot from the outside all night. Against a team like Vancouver that scores the majority of their goals a foot from the crease, that's a solid recipe for success.
  • The Canucks lost this game along the boards. Sadly, there's no statistic to back this up, but when the Canucks are playing well, they win their offensive zone puck battles and sustain offensive pressure. Led by pinching expert Kevin Bieksa (the grandma of the NHL), they keep pucks inside the blue line and break down defensive structures by throwing it around the zone willy-nilly. Last night, the Rangers prevented them from doing this.
  • Also, Henrik Lundqvist stopped all the shots. That helped too.
  • While New York's 24 blocks came from thirteen guys, Vancouver's 12 blocks came from only four defensemen, including four apiece from Kevin Bieksa and Dan Hamhuis, who quietly played a stellar game. It's always a bummer when a team loses 1-0 because the strong defensive effort of the losers goes relatively unnoticed. The Ham n' Juice pairing looks as defensively sound as any Canuck tandem this town's seen in years, Bryant Reeves and Stromile Swift notwithstanding.
  • Ryan Kesler continued his shootiness, throwing five on net, and attempting another five. However, the shot king last night was Mikael "Shooty McShooterson" Samuelsson. He had five shots as well, with two blocked and four more missing the goal. He's a funny player. He shoots when he should pass; he holds the puck when he should move it, such as when he dragged the puck back in the neutral zone when any other player would have dumped it in. Sammy's not unlike Daniel and Henrik in that he plays the game at his own, mechanical pace, and can frustrate by appearing take it easy or playing without urgency. He's just a measured, intelligent player. Last night he was our best forward. Let's keep him.
  • Let's not keep him on the first unit power play. Why, I ask, did the Canucks put him on the point instead of Ehrhoff for the five-on-three? Why did they take Kesler out from the front of the net and put him at the point? If you're wondering why they did not score, tackle these first two whys and you'll probably have your answer.
  • Mason Raymond had some jump as well, but he seems to have forgotten how to capitalize on a chance. Even in Monopoly, all he gets are parking fines and poor taxes.
  • Cory Schneider had a fine game, but there's definitely something to Richard Loat's observation that the team plays better defensively in front of him. I agree that they tighten up a bit. Combine that with the run support he's been getting in his starts (and his own strong play) and you have a recipe for a going this many games without a regulation loss. Last night, however, the run support dried up and Schneider saw the goose egg in his middle column disappear.
  • Speaking of middle columns: perhaps realizing that his team wasn't about to sneak one past Henrik Lundqvist, Alex Burrows went five-hole on Marc Staal instead. Thanks a lot, Burr. Not only do I have to defend your hair-pulling when I tell people you're my favourite player, but now I have to defend your groin-spearing? It's embarrassing loving a man who pulls hair and stabs groins. And yet my love persists. Burrows will probably get a phone call from the league, as nether attacks are never cool--unless you're making a short film. Here's hoping he sees some discipline, as it's fairly warranted, especially after the refs decided instead to instead punish Marc Staal for failing to protect his testicles.
  • Such are the foibles of a young goalie, but this is the third or fourth game in a row where Cory Schneider's made a pretty egregious error. Last game, it was the slapstick fall that gave Jamal Mayers a freebie. He nearly handed the Rangers another when he coughed the puck up behind the net. The look on Roberto Luongo's face afterward was priceless.
  • According to the stat sheet, the Rangers had 38 hits to the Canucks 31. No they didn't. Madison Square Garden employs one of the most liberal stat guys in the country. Note that the Rangers have 573 hits on the road and a league-leading 731 at home. Who is this guy, thinking everything's a hit? He's probably the guy that greenlit Kesha. This is a surefire hit. Also, I bet the police answer domestic abuse calls at his house all the time. She hit you again, sir?
  • Daniel and Henrik did have a quiet game, though it probably helped that the Rangers were allowed to latch onto them like brain slugs. I've heard some criticism of the Sedins for disappearing, and I think it speaks to their expectations as the offensive leaders of this team. All this talk of Ryan Kesler as a dark horse for the Hart is silly if he's not even the one held accountable when the Canucks get shut out. That said, when your scoring leaders don't score, that's a problem. Score more, Daniel and Henrik.
  • And finally, I realize that playing Aaron Rome semi-regularly is a good way to prevent him from playing like he hasn't played in months, but when he plays that way in spite of this approach, you have a problem. This is the catch-22: Aaron Rome plays like he shouldn't be playing, but he'll only play worse if you don't play him. Unless you never play him again. Get well soon, Salo.

Monday, October 11, 2010

I Watched This Game: Canucks vs. Panthers, October 11, 2010

Canucks 2 - Panthers 1

The 2010-11 edition of the Vancouver Canucks is a hitty little bunch, aren't they? Their hittiness has visibly increased since last season, and it's because of the new acquisitions. Hamhuis and Ballard are just clamoring for open ice hits, and it's bleeding into potential big-hitters Bieksa and Edler. It remains to be seen whether the whole unit can keep up this level of grit, but for right now, I like it. They brought it to Florida hard in the first period, smartly exploiting their tired legs, as they had played the night before. While Florida did well to stay in this one, they faded, understandably near the end. As a result, I am proud to announce that the Canucks have won their first game this season. And I watched it happen:

  • Florida really got worked in the Ballard trade, huh? Grabner's on the Island, and Bernier's playing on the fourth line. On the bright side, Keith Ballard played a great game tonight, but it was for the Canucks.
  • In a graphic about Henrik Sedin's new letter, titled "Notable Predecessors," Sportsnet listed Mark Messier among former Canuck captains. But Messier wasn't notable. After that, they listed the single-season captains. They shuld have had a third category for "Captains Who Sucked so Bad There's a City to Which They Can Never Return."
  • Speaking of Kevin Bieksa: despite being the guaranteed goat for the season just because he's worn that jacket before, he's been playing excellent hockey. He's physical, he knows when to jump up in the rush, and he creates offense. It's really no wonder AV likes having him on the ice.
  • Didn't I see Bryan Allen in the classic X-Files episode "Home"? He's a toothless monstrosity, not unlike a Kesha music video. Oh that's right. I went there.
  • Darcy Hordichuk: "I'm two minutes from 1000 [penalty minutes]. If I see Kesler out there, chances are I'll take those two minutes." Further proof that Kesler is a turd: ex-teammates are immediately his sworn enemies. He's my second-favourite Canuck, but even I'm wholly convinced he's about 98% turd. Like Bono.
  • I spent the whole Every Goal series talking about the Canucks' incredible passing, and it seems they've felt the need to kick it up a notch. They had about three 2-on-1 rushes in the first two periods, and they made one pass too many each time. Shoot the puck, boys.
  • Hansen skated with Kesler and Raymond for most of the game. Either he's been promoted, or Raffi Torres has been demoted, and I couldn't say with any certainty which it is. Maybe both?
  • Halfway through the first period, I saw Mikael Samuelsson take a slash at a guy. He didn't really connect all that hard, but it got me to thinking: he does that a lot--maybe twice a game. The guy has an incredibly short fuse, and he gets away with a bunch of retaliatory slashes. Anyway, I made a note to talk about it here. Then, in the second period, he did it again to Corey Stillman, but he got caught. Something to watch for later.
  • Speaking of Sammy, he tried so hard to get Daniel the hat-trick goal. Then, when he finally gave up and went for it himself, the universe kicked him in the Charlie Browns and he hit the crossbar. Poor guy.
  • I like Mike Weaver, but I always feel bad for teams that have him. He's sort of like a laxative: sure, he helps you, but you wish you didn't need him.
  • In football news, my father-in-law kept flipping over to the MNF game between the Vikings and the Jets. With two minutes to go, and Minnesota driving downfield, I said, "Favre's going to throw an interception." As soon as the Canucks game ended, we flipped over to it, just in time to watch Favre bury his head in his hands, having given away another game trying to be the hero. I hate that guy. It's been a real treat this season to watch him screw the pooch on a weekly basis.
  • The Canucks need to work on their sustained offensive pressure. Their best chances are coming on the rush, but you don't draw penalties on the rush. You might have noticed Florida took zero infractions. That's on Vancouver, not the refs.
  • Roberto Luongo has been marvelous to open the season. He's let in one goal in each of the first two games, and you can't fault him on either of them. On the flipside, he's made about ten saves a lesser goalie might not have had. I wasn't expecting this Luongo until November.
  • And finally, what can I say about the incredible play of Dan Hamhuis? He's more than steady. While he didn't get a point on the game-winner, he was the one who patiently carried the puck out of the zone, gained the blue line, then found Samuelsson, trailing, to initiate the score. Then, as the clock wound down, it was his heady play with the puck in the corner that got the puck out of the zone and broke up Florida's last wave of offensive pressure. Hammy the Flying Postman has been incredible.
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