2011 Round One Preview: Chicago Blackhawks

Let's make sure, whatever we do, this never happens again.

For the third year in a row, the Vancouver Canucks will be facing the Chicago Blackhawks in the Stanley Cup playoffs. After two ignominious defeats in the second round, this year the Canucks will get the chance to exorcise their playoff demons in round one. The match-up is one the media, fans, and players have been eagerly anticipating, but it's not exactly a pure re-match.

The Blackhawks of 2010-11 are not the Blackhawks of 2009-10. Last season, the Blackhawks were just plain better than the Canucks. In the off-season, however, due to some mismanagement of the cap by Dale Tallon, the Hawks said farewell to much of their vaunted depth. Gone are Ben Eager, Andrew Ladd, Kris Versteeg, Brent Sopel, Colin Fraser, Adam Burish, John Madden and Canuck nemesis Dustin Byfuglien. Gone, too, are both goaltenders from last season. Playoff hero Antti Niemi signed with the San Jose Sharks while Cristobal Huet was sent to Switzerland to eat chocolate, wear pocket watches, and design knives.

Can't Spell Canucks Without S-U-C-K: A Super Cynical Season Preview

While Harrison prognosticated the inevitable headlines of the upcoming Canucks season to our readership (aka myself and our wives), I'm taking a different tack with my Canucks season preview. All sorts of experts (and Barry Melrose) are picking the Canucks to win not only the Northwest division, but also the Stanley Cup. The Hockey News made the Canucks their favorite to win the Stanley Cup in their annual Yearbook. Even the non-humans are jumping on the Canucks bandwagon, as the AI in EA's NHL 11 has predicted that Vancouver will be hoisting the cup in 2011. You can read dozens of Canucks previews outlining all the ways that the Canucks are good; it would be, quite frankly, incredibly boring to write another in a litany of positive previews.

I'm not here to be the voice of reason, as that would simply entail encouraging Canucks fans to temper their expectations to avoid being disappointed by a good, but not great, season. The voice of reason would remain cautiously optimistic, while suggesting that the Canucks and their fans shouldn't be disappointed if the Canucks don't win the conference or even the division, that simply getting into the playoffs can be counted as a success due to the unpredictable nature of a hockey season with its injuries and unlucky bounces.

Not me. I'm here to be the voice of cold, hard cynicism. I'm here to say that whatever could go wrong will go wrong. This is a Super Cynical Season Preview and I'm not going to pull any punches.*

Offense

Many experts point to the Canucks' offense as being their main strength and why not? After all, they finished second in goal-scoring to the Washington Capitals last season, partly on the strength of Henrik Sedin's Art Ross and Hart Trophy winning career year. But therein lies the rub: it was a career year, a massive jump in points from his career average. Even if you only include his post-lockout numbers, Henrik has averaged 78.5 points per season, a far cry from the 112 he posted last year. It would be foolish to assume he will continue at his pace from last season when the rest of his career so blatantly disagrees. Many experts, including Henrik himself, agree that it's unrealistic to expect him to reach such lofty heights this season.

The issue is that Henrik's not the only one coming off a career year. Joining him last year were his brother Daniel, Kesler, Raymond, Samuelsson, Burrows, Ehrhoff, and Edler. It would be unrealistic to expect these players to maintain their numbers after a career year, let alone improve on them. The most worrying thing about this list is that these 8 players were the Canucks' top-8 scorers last year. Add in the fact that a player like Mikael Samuelsson had his shooting percentage almost double from the previous year, and you have all the makings of an inevitable statistical regression.

Additionally, the Canucks are starting the season without their top goal-scorer from last season, Alex Burrows, as he has been placed on Long Term Injured Reserve after shoulder surgery in the summer. He will miss a minimum of 10 games, which means the Canucks will be missing their leading goal-scorer for 12% of the season. Replacing him on the top line will be Mikael Samuelsson, whose shooting percentage, as I already mentioned, is bound to regress towards the mean.

All of these signs point towards fewer goals scored and a less potent offense. By less potent, I mean that they'll struggle to score goals on a Calgary Flames level, or on a Canucks-from-just-three-seasons-ago level. Out of curiosity, I calculated the goal-per-game averages for every player on the Canucks roster: the resultant total for all the players on the roster was 2.51 goals per game. This goals-per-game average would have placed the Canucks at 27th in the NHL last season, tied with the Oilers. Anyone predicting the Canucks will exceed this total is assuming that the majority of the players on the roster will exceed their career averages, an assumption that is not just overly optimistic, but deluded.

Defence

The praise lauded on Mike Gillis for improving the Canucks defensive depth this off-season seems, at first glance, to be warranted. He made a splash at the draft in trading the Canucks first round pick, sniper Michael Grabner, and power forward Steve Bernier for YouTube sensation Keith Ballard and acquired the most sought-after defenceman in free agency in Dan Hamhuis. Most Canucks fans assumed that with these two acquisitions meant last season's goat, Kevin Bieksa, was on his way out the door.

Instead, in an entirely expected turn of events, Sami Salo tore his achilles tendon while playing floorball and will miss 4-6 months of the season, if not the entire year. The oft-injured Salo has been a key member of the Canucks throughout his career. Since the lockout, the Canucks have a record of 179-109-29 with Salo in the lineup and 45-37-11 without Salo in the lineup in the regular season. Suffice it to say, the Canucks are a better team with Salo.

In addition, the Canucks lost key minute-muncher Willie Mitchell, who signed with the Kings in free agency. Mitchell averaged over 22 minutes of ice time per game throughout his time with the Canucks, and consistently faced the highest quality of competition while doing so. In the absence of Willie Mitchell, the Canucks have no clear shutdown defenceman.

The Canucks have also been praised for their defensive depth, as they started training camp with nine proven NHL defencemen and a slew of hopefuls. Indeed, it's eerily similar to last year's training camp, where they started camp with, what are the odds, nine NHL defencemen after acquiring Christian Ehrhoff, Brad Lukowich, and Matthieu Schneider in the off-season. What happened? Brad Lukowich elected for shoulder surgery while playing in the AHL, Schneider turned into a little bitch-bot, and Mitchell got Malkin'd and missed the end of the season and the playoffs. The Canucks vaunted defensive depth torpedoed to the point that Shane "Pain Lion" O'Brien had to play 22 minutes a night in the playoffs and Sami Salo had to play with (allegedly) only one testicle intact.

Already the Canucks vaunted defensive depth has gone up in smoke as SOB has been traded for first-round disappointment Ryan Parent and, once again, Aaron Rome is the Canucks' seventh defenceman. Slotting in at number six on the depth chart is the man of many nicknames, Andrew "A-Minor, AHLberts, Give Us Barabbas" Alberts, who was deplored at the end of last season for his slowness, ill-timed penalties, and general uselessness. Hamhuis and Ballard have been praised for their durability, but with Ballard coming off hip surgery and Hamhuis being asked to play more minutes in the absence of Salo, an injury seems almost inevitable. And while the depth chart on defence looks nice now, it will be a different story by the time April rolls around.

Goaltending

Roberto Luongo is a fantastic goalie...if you're in a fantasy hockey league. Unfortunately, the NHL is real life and Roberto Luongo has been getting worse and worse every season he has been with the Canucks. In 2006-07, Luongo seemed like the goalie he was deemed to be, with a solid 2.29 GAA and a .921 SV%. The following season saw the first sign of trouble as his GAA bumped up to 2.38 and his SV% dropped to .917. Last season, his statistical regression continued as his GAA ballooned to 2.57 and his SV% hit .913. In his entire career, the only season he posted worse numbers was his rookie year with the Islanders.

It doesn't end there. In the playoffs last season, Luongo had the worst GAA and the second-worst SV% of any goalie who played at least 12 games. Things got to the point that Luongo's chosen goaltending coach was fired and Rollie Melanson hired without Luongo being consulted. Optimists will say that having Rollie Melanson as a full-time goaltending coach will turn around the trend of Luongo's numbers. I cynically say that asking a goaltender to make wholesale changes to his game will negatively affect his play and we're likely in for the worst year of Luongo goaltending yet.

Backing up Luongo is unproven Cory Schneider, who has posted great numbers in the AHL, but has been shaky in his brief time in the NHL, posting a 3.59 GAA and a .896 SV% in 10 games. Considering that these are worse career numbers than Andrew Raycroft, who was serviceable as the Canucks back-up last season, and you can see the reason for concern.

With the Canucks' offensive prowess last season, they often won despite their goaltending. If they are unable to score their way out of trouble this season, expect to see a lot more losses.

History

As Justine Galo accurately pointed out, "Canucks fans have a lot to be humble about." The Vancouver Canucks have a long history (approximately 40 years) of stunning mediocrity. As I pointed out during the summer with the Canucks Mount Suckmore, what often defines the Canucks is the eras of shame more than the eras of success. The Canucks have made it to the Stanley Cup Finals only twice in their history, bowing out once in four straight, and coming achingly close in seven games in 1994. Their historical win-loss record is a painful 1248-1363-379-64.

In more recent history, the results aren't much better. I distinctly remember a season in which the Canucks were hyped as Stanley Cup contenders guaranteed to make the playoffs while steamrolling through the Northwest division with ease. That year? 2007-08. That was one year removed from Luongo's first season wearing the Orca when the Canucks posted a record-setting 105 points in the regular season, winning the Northwest division and coming out on top in a thrilling seven-game series against the Dallas Stars before losing in the second round to the eventual Stanley Cup Champion Anaheim Ducks. The experts agreed: Vancouver was on their way to the top and was a legitimate cup contender.

Instead, the Canucks slumped magnificently, finishing dead last in the Northwest, capped off with three straight losses at the end of the season. Not a single player scored 30+ goals, nor did any member of the Canucks manage a point-per-game pace. It was a sad send-off for Canucks legend Trevor Linden, who retired shortly after the season ended. This season, once again the Canucks are hyped as cup contenders, guaranteed to make the playoffs. Are we in for a similar collapse?

The Canucks management and ownership are well aware of the history of failure and mediocrity in Vancouver, as they have purchased the Vancouver Millionaires trademarks in order to more closely associate the Millionaires with the Canucks. It seems obvious to say, but the Millionaires are not the Canucks and are in no way associated with the Canucks except for the fact that they played in Vancouver. The Millionaires' final season was in 1925-26 and the Canucks did not come into existence until 1945-46, 20 years later. The Millionaires Stanley Cup win in 1915 has no relation to the Canucks success, however much the Canucks owners and management might want it to.

The Bottom Line

Canucks fans, on the whole, are a self-loathing bunch, at least when they're not a Canucks-loathing bunch. We desperately want to be optimistic about the upcoming season, but years of disappointment have soured us, turning us into bitter old men and women before our time. Because of years of disappointment, we already know, deep-down, that this season will be just one more year of heartbreak.

This preview may seem overly cynical**, but if the Canucks start the season 0-3 like they did last year, you can expect this to be the majority opinion on the Canucks.com messageboards, Team 1040 phonelines, and your co-workers who just realized that the NHL season started on Thursday. Because even though we're Canucks fans, we're also incredibly moody and irrational, jumping to conclusions like we're Tom Smykowski, not only after every game, but after every play. The players who are our heroes now, will, with one misplayed puck, become the goats. One moment a player is starring in a commercial for the NHL, the next you're vilified for costing the Canucks a playoff series. What seems overly cynical now may soon be your opinion.

Go Canucks Go.

* The above post does not accurately reflect the views of its author, who is hopelessly optimistic for the coming season, believing that Henrik will brazenly defy the odds and post 100+ points, that Dan Hamhuis is really Jyrki Lumme in disguise, and that Roberto Luongo will have the best season of his career under the tutelage of Melanson. He has already begun construction of his own parade float. Please don't hate me, I'm sensitive.

** Of course it's overly cynical, didn't you read the title?

Here's Your Opinion: NHL Season Preview Part Two

Yeah, that's right. Hockey's back.
You can't just have opinions on half of the teams in the NHL! Your friends/co-workers/family members will mock you mercilessly and you will repeatedly be passed over for promotions. Yes, promotions within your family. Now you'll never get to be the oldest brother, except via murder, which is frowned upon in most circles.

To avoid such a grisly transgression of common courtesy, PitB has provided further opinions for you to repeat parrot-like at social gatherings, becoming the envy of all your peers and even a few of your superiors. The teams are still listed in convenient alphabetical order. Have fun!

Montreal Canadiens

Strengths: The phenomenal playoff goaltending of Jaroslav Halak should...wait, seriously? They traded him? Oh dear...

Weaknesses: You may not be aware of this unless you have read any hockey blog in the world, but they're not very big.

Your Opinion: The Canadiens barely made it to the playoffs last year and they did it on the back of Halak; unless Carey Price proves his critics wrong with a stellar season, the Canadiens will be on the outside looking come April.

Don't Say: Why does "Canadiens" have an "e" in it?

Nashville Predators

Strengths: An uncanny ability to make the playoffs despite a lack of money, offense, and talent in general.

Weaknesses: A lack of money, offense, and talent in general.

Your Opinion: It's risky to bet against coach Barry Trotz getting the Predators into the playoffs, so I'm not going to do it. Despite losing Dan Hamhuis, Dan Ellis, and Jason "Not Named Dan" Arnott, the Predators will once again lose in the first round of the playoffs.

Don't Say: Shea? Isn't that a girl's name?

New Jersey Devils

Strengths: Taking what was already one of the best groups of forwards in the NHL and adding Ilya Kovalchuk is really just not fair. The league should do something about that.

Weaknesses: Taking on the Kovalchuk contract meant jettisoning some of the team's depth, to the point that their starting roster for the year only has 11 forwards.

Your Opinion: In his brief time with the Devils last season, Kovalchuk didn't quite fit in; a full year of Kovalchuk in the lineup gives New Jersey one of the scariest looking offenses in the league. They'll be battling for top spot in the division all season long.

Don't Say: Offense? What offense? Don't they play the trap?

New York Islanders

Strengths: Youth and exuberance!

Weaknesses: Goodness gracious, where do I start. The Isles have a startling lack of depth at every position. It doesn't help that Kyle Okposo and Mark Streit, who came second and third in team scoring, will miss several months each.

Your Opinion: The Islanders were going to be in the basement this season even with a healthy Okposo and Streit. Without them, they haven't a hope this season.

Don't Say: At least DiPietro is healthy (you'll jinx him).

New York Rangers

Strengths: Marian Gaborik and Henrik Lundqvist are so good, even their mothers ask them for autographs.

Weaknesses: If Gaborik doesn't score, no one else will. And if Lundqvist can't keep them in the lead going into the third period...well, they're going to lose.

Your Opinion: The Rangers are just too precarious to make it into the playoffs this year; if anything happens to Lundqvist or, more likely, Gaborik, they're headed to the basement faster than a 42-year-old Dungeon Master.

Don't Say: I'm expecting Wade Redden to have a comeback season.

Ottawa Senators

Strengths: They lead the league in freakish laughs. Also, their forwards and defencemen can play hockey reasonably well.

Weaknesses: With the departure of Anton Volchenkov, their defence is as soft asJason Spezza's a baby's bottom and their goaltending is extremely suspect.

Your Opinion: The Senators lost all of their size on defence and will be far too easy to play against; I think they'll miss the playoffs this year.

Don't Say: I'm going to become a Senators fan! Not even people in Ottawa are Senators fans.

Philadelphia Flyers

Strengths: A plethora of talent amongst their forwards and defence, led by perpetual Conn Smythe bridesmaid Chris Pronger.

Weaknesses: Little to no talent amongst their goalies, led by journeyman backup Michael Leighton.

Your Opinion: The Flyers have enough skill that they'll be able to overcome the large number of goals their goalies are going to give up. They were lucky to make the playoffs on the last day of the regular season last year; they'll clinch a playoff berth well before that date this year.

Don't Say: Dan Carcillo has a sweet moustache.

Phoenix Coyotes

Strengths: They are coached by Dave Tippett; all their other strengths are subservient to this one overarching strength.

Weaknesses: They have balanced scoring. In this case, "balanced scoring" is a euphemism for "not a lot of scoring."

Your Opinion: The Coyotes surprised everyone last year; they're not a surprise anymore. The Coyotes are not a flashy team, but they're solid, well-coached, and sound defensively; they'll be in the playoffs again.

Don't Say: Taylor Pyatt is so dreamy. Even if it's true.

Pittsburgh Penguins

Strengths: They got this guy, you might have heard of him? Canadian hero, arguably the best player in the NHL? You know, Eric Godard.

Weaknesses: Sidney Crosby.

Your Opinion: The Penguins had a great off-season, picking up some great free agents to fill out their roster; they're poised to make another run to the finals.

Don't Say: Crosby? More like Crysby, amiright?

St. Louis Blues

Strengths: Though unproven over a full regular season, Jaroslav Halak is a very good goalie and the Blues have a bevy of young talent.

Weaknesses: That young talent is still pretty green.

Your Opinion: If it wasn't for the strength of the Western Conference last season, the Blues would have been a playoff team as they were 15th overall in the NHL. With a full year under young coach Davis Payne, they'll make the playoffs again.

Don't Say: I picked Vladimir Sobotka in my fantasy pool!

San Jose Sharks

Strengths: One of the best top lines in hockey in Patrick Marleau, Joe Thornton, and Dany Heatley, as long as it's the regular season.

Weaknesses: Other than their baffling ability to win in the playoffs, the Sharks don't really have any weaknesses.

Your Opinion: I am confident that this is the year that the San Jose Sharks will finally accomplish what they've never been able to do: lose in Game 7 of the Western Conference Finals.

Don't Say: Joe Thornton really needs to relax.

Tampa Bay Lightning

Strengths: New GM Steve Yzerman has made all the right moves, shoring up the defence with Pavel Kubina, adding to an already impressive top-six with Simon Gagne, and hiring the most sought-after coach in Guy Boucher.

Weaknesses: The question-mark still lies with the defence: is Victor Hedman ready to become a number one defender in the NHL?

Your Opinion: The top-end talent from their forward ranks and the forward-thinking coaching of Guy Boucher will put the Lightning in the hunt for the 8th and final playoff spot in the East once April comes around.

Don't Say: Seen Stamkos?

Toronto Maple Leafs

Strengths: Are not the worst team in Toronto.

Weaknesses: Still seem to think that Brian Burke is the right GM to help rebuild a franchise.

Your Opinion: It's not exactly going out on a limb to suggest that the Leafs will miss the playoffs again this season. But with their defence and goaltending, they should at least give up fewer goals and avoid giving the Bruins another top-five draft pick.

Don't Say: Their depth at center is their strength.

Vancouver Canucks

Strengths: Balanced scoring, solid defensive core, and top-notch goaltending.

Weaknesses: A conspicuous lack of Kyle Wellwood.

Your Opinion: I hear they're pretty good. They might, just maybe, if the puck bounces their way and they avoid injuries, win a trophy of some kind.

Don't Say: Hodgson's a bust!

Washington Capitals

Strengths: Offense. Even their best defenceman is only known for his offense.

Weaknesses: Defense. Even their best defenceman is only known for his offense.

Your Opinion: The Capitals won't have any issues in the regular season and when the playoffs come around, Michal Neuvirth will use his Calder Cup-winning experience to propel them to the finals.

Don't Say: The Capitals don't need a good second-line center! What Stanley Cup-winning team has a good second-line center?

Missed Part One? It's totally right here!

Here's Your Opinion: NHL Season Preview Part One

Woo! Hockey's back!

The puck drops on the NHL regular season on Thursday, which is a wakeup call to all part-time hockey fans who have forgotten what ice looks like during the summer months. But your co-worker/friend/family member who is a die-hard hockey fan is about to explode with excitement and in his or her excitement, he or she will bombard you, the casual hockey fan, with questions about the coming season. At best, you might know a thing or two about your favourite team, but you don't have time to read about every team in the league and develop a reasonable opinion about them.

Enter PitB, with the inaugural post in our "Here's Your Opinion" series, designed to provide you with easy-to-reiterate opinions on the NHL. In this post, we'll give you a quick-and-dirty preview of every single team in the NHL and provide you with an opinion that you can use to impress your co-workers/friends/family members with your incredible knowledge and disarming good looks. We also give you some handy tips on what not to say to avoid sounding like a complete rube.

The teams are listed in alphabetical order, so you won't need to remember any of that conference/division mumbo-jumbo. Any misinformation, unfunny jokes, or stupid opinions are entirely your fault for misinterpreting. If you don't understand the jokes and references, don't worry about it; just memorise the opinions and you'll be fine. Ready? Let's go!

Anaheim Ducks

Strengths: Solid group of forwards, led by the top line of Bobby Ryan, Ryan Getzlaf, and Corey "Ryan" Perry.

Weaknesses: Scott Niedermayer retired in the off-season, meaning the Ducks enter the season without anyone playing defence.

Your Opinion: It's astonishing to think the Ducks won the cup just 4 seasons ago; with the current state of their defence, they won't even make the playoffs.

Don't Say: They should bring back Paul Kariya to play with Teemu Selanne.

Atlanta Thrashers

Strengths: No longer have to deal with the problem of re-signing Ilya Kovalchuk and can now focus on signing visible minorities and trading for Chicago Blackhawks.

Weaknesses: No longer have Ilya Kovalchuk; not a single player currently on the Thrashers scored more than 25 goals last season. Also, the key Blackhawk they acquired via trade was Dustin Byfuglien, who was a contender for the Conn Smythe in the playoffs last season as a forward; he will start this season on defence.

Your Opinion: The Thrashers need to start winning and soon, or they won't last long in Atlanta; unfortunately, with their lack of offensive firepower, they won't be winning much this season at all.

Don't Say: I think Evander Kane is too talented a player to be fighting anyone.

Boston Bruins

Strengths: The addition of Nathan Horton will help their goalscoring woes from last year and the bruins have decent depth at nearly every position, especially at center with Marc Savard, David Krejci, Patrice Bergeron, and Toronto Maple Leafsfirst round draft pick Tyler Seguin.

Weaknesses: Except that Marc Savard will miss the start of the season with post-concussion syndrome.

Your Opinion: The Bruins made the playoffs last year with only half a season from Marc Savard; they'll make the playoffs this year based on their goaltending and defence alone.

Don't Say: Mark Recchi hasn't retired yet?

Buffalo Sabres

Strengths: They sure still have Ryan Miller in net.

Weaknesses: The team in front of Ryan Miller is startlingly mediocre.

Your Opinion: The Sabres will need big contributions from their young Tylers - Myers and Ennis - and another Vezina-calibre season from Miller if they plan on making it to the Stanley Cup finals for their 40th anniversary.

Don't Say: They signed Niedermayer? That's a huge improvement to their defence!

Calgary Flames

Strengths: Miikka Kiprusoff is still an elite goaltender, Jarome Iginla is still an elite sniper, and Jay Bouwmeester is still an elite defenceman...at least, in Flames' fans minds.

Weaknesses: GM Darryl Sutter may actually be insane, re-acquiring former flameouts Olli Jokinen and Alex Tanguay. David Moss, Ales Kotalik, Matt Stajan, and Daymond Langkow will be unavailable to start the season for the Flames due to injuries from falling over in disbelief.

Your Opinion: It may seem crazy, but Jokinen is a much better deal with his new contract and Tanguay has shown chemistry with Iginla in the past; if they can avoid injuries like the ones they've had in the pre-season, they should make the playoffs.

Don't Say: Darryl Sutter is a misunderstood genius!

Carolina Hurricanes

Strengths: Eric Staal is still the best Staal in the NHL.

Weaknesses: They have no money, so they will be depending a lot on the abilities of youngsters, including 18-year-old Jeff Skinner and 21-year-olds Zach Boychuk and Drayson Bowman.

Your Opinion: If their lack of depth doesn't bury the Hurricanes' chances of getting back to the postseason, their lack of experience definitely will.

Don't Say: Cam Ward totally deserved the Conn Smythe in 2006!

Chicago Blackhawks

Strengths: They're the defending Stanley Cup champions and still have their top-six forwards and top-four defencemen from last season.

Weaknesses: The depth that helped carry them to the cup is gone. Like, completely. The poor bastards are now playing in Atlanta and Toronto.

Your Opinion: The talent of Chicago's best players will lead them to the division title, but there's no way they repeat as champions.

Don't Say: At least they still have their cup-winning goalie!

Colorado Avalanche

Strengths: Colorado shocked everyone last season by making the playoffs on the strength of their young forwards and the surreal play of Craig Anderson in goal; that's still their strength.

Weaknesses: Their main weakness from last season, their defence, remains unchanged.

Your Opinion: The Avalanche will be out to prove that there's no such thing as a sophomore slump; I think they'll do it and squeak into the playoffs once again.

Don't Say: I can't believe Joe Sakic didn't win the Jack Adams award last year!

Columbus Blue Jackets

Strengths: The Jackets have a decent-looking top-six forward group for what seems like the first time in franchise history. With the return of Russian wunderkind Nikita Filatov from his exile in the KHL, they could surprise with their offensive ability from their forwards.

Weaknesses: They have no offensive ability from their defence. Also, Steve Mason, after winning the Calder trophy in his rookie campaign, is looking more like Andrew Raycroft than Martin Brodeur.

Your Opinion: Even a small improvement from Steve Mason will be enough to turn the Blue Jackets' fortunes around, but he'll need to return to his rookie season ways for them to make the playoffs. I expect them to be on the bubble at the end of the season.

Don't Say: If Filatov is so good, why did he leave the team for the KHL?

Dallas Stars

Strengths: Brad Richards is really, really good. The rest of the Dallas offense isn't bad either.

Weaknesses: Their defence is really, really average. And wait, they're relying on Kari Lehtonen and Andrew Raycroft for goaltending? Seriously?

Your Opinion: The Dallas Stars will be an exciting team to watch, but they'll also be an exciting team to play against. What I'm trying to say is they'll be giving up a lot of goals.

Don't Say: That Mike Ribeiro seems like such a nice, humble guy.

Detroit Red Wings

Strengths: A wealth of experience.

Weaknesses: A dearth of youth.

Your Opinion: The Red Wings will make the playoffs, just like every single other season in NHL history. Whether they go any further will depend on their endurance; Lidstrom isn't getting any younger.

Don't Say: They'd be so much better if they had an enforcer!

Edmonton Oilers

Strengths: Three incredibly exciting young rookies in Taylor Hall, Jordan Eberle, and Magnus Pääjärvi.

Weaknesses: They realize they need someone to play defence, right? Apparently not.

Your Opinion: The Oilers will surprise a lot of teams with their offensive firepower, but their defence and goaltending are far too shaky for them to take a step forward this season; they may end up with another top-five draft pick next year

Don't Say: Where's Sheldon Souray?

Florida Panthers

Strengths: Tomas Vokoun will get them a great return on trade deadline day.

Weaknesses: A complete lack of anything resembling offence, exacerbated by them trading away their top offensive talent in Nathan Horton.

Your Opinion: The Panthers will be in the hunt all season long...for the number one draft pick (At this point, shout "Zing!" and laugh uproariously).

Don't Say: The Canucks should never have traded Michael Grabner to the Panthers.

Los Angeles Kings

Strengths: One of the best young forwards in Anze Kopitar, one of the best young defencemen in Drew Doughty, and one of the best-named goalies in Johnny Quick.

Weaknesses: Their forward depth drops off a cliff after the top line, which is why they tried so hard to get Ilya Kovalchuk.

Your Opinion: The Kings are poised to take another step forward, but their inability to add anyone significant in free agency will prevent them from going too far.

Don't Say: That Wayne Simmonds sure reminds me of another famous Wayne on the LA Kings, amiright?

Minnesota Wild

Strengths: They can't be much worse than they were last season.

Weaknesses: They could very well be worse than they were last season.

Your Opinion: Unless Martin Havlat can recover from last year's drop in points and the defence can recover from being just plain awful at even-strength, the Wild will be missing the post-season again.

Don't Say: Backstrom is totally worth $6 million. His numbers had nothing to do with playing under Jacques Lemaire.

Part Two exists! Read it and be enlightened!