Wellwood's World, Chapter 10: Welly's Not Right, But He's Not Wrong

When we last left Kyle Wellwood, he was happy. Why wouldn't he be? Things are going swell for Welly. He's expecting his first child; his experience in Russia taught him a newfound respect for his home continent, as he no longer has to contend with dogs for the best links of sausage; he's fitting in beautifully in San Jose.

In 25 games, he's got 4 goals and 2 assists. Welly's also a +6, having only been a minus player once (two days ago). He remains an oft-kilter defensive stalwart. The Sharks are 18-4-3 since he joined the team. After Moscow, any NHL team would have sufficed, but Welly appears to have ridden the waiver wire to a mighty fine situation.

However, if Moscow has been happily banished to the past, his time in Vancouver remains a fresh memory. Interest in the Windsor native continues here, even though he now plays for one of the Canucks' stiffest rivals, and perhaps their most daunting potential postseason opponent.

That said, if he was hoping to put out some of the fires still burning for him in the Lower Mainland he certainly poured some water on them when he suggested the Canucks, season-long Stanley Cup favourites, didn't have the mettle to win it all this year. It was last week's most adorable heel turn.

Adventures in Road Hockey: PITB Is Unstoppable, Vancouver Wellwoods Runners-Up at Nationals

The Vancouver Wellwoods, PITB's adopted women's road hockey team.

In case you live in a cave (or another country), you probably already knew that last weekend was the 1st anniversary of the 2010 Winter Olympics, that awesome party we hosted last year. To celebrate and relive the fever of those awesome two weeks, Vancouver residents reconvened on Granville street for festivities and, appropriately, hockey. PITB was there, as our pal Richard Loat, founder of Five Hole For Food, invited us out to take part in a Canucks' bloggers mini-tournament with fellow blogs Head to the Net, Canucks Corner, and Canucks Hockey Blog.

Needless to say, we wrecked house. Our team (comprised of Cinnamon Toast Funk bassist Jason Vander-Hoek, my boss Jared Ginter, and Skeeter in goal), was, in scientific terms, hecka boss. And speaking of bosses, it turns out mine rocks at road hockey. Also, Daniel was a freaking wall. Even I had an honour roll moment, thoroughly undressing CHB's JJ Guerrero before going forehand-backhand on their stunned netminder.

As Bruce Ng said, it was as if the rink was tilted (also: it was). Additional observation: Richard Loat is big, but he doesn't play big. Quit being such a perimeter player, Loat.

But enough about us. Last weekend's real road hockey newsmakers are the Vancouver Wellwoods, PITB's adopted women's street hockey team. If you'll recall, the Wellwoods were headed down to Victoria to vie for the Redwood Cup in the national road hockey championships. After the jump, the ladies in baby blue tell you all about the tournament in their own words:

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The Vancouver Wellwoods Present "Training is Cheating" & Other Road Hockey News

PITB's favorite road hockey team, the Vancouver Wellwoods, have just released this fantastic video to help promote their team. It is a wonderful illustration of their team motto, "Training is Cheating." Make sure to head to their team page and "Like" the Wellwoods. As we have said before, they are PITB's team and, therefore, they are your team. If you don't like them and what they stand for, then I'm not sure we can be friends.

The National Street Hockey Championship is taking place this Friday and Saturday in Victoria, BC. The Wellwoods will be playing on Friday, February 11th, at 8:40 AM, 11:20 AM, and 2:40 PM. The Saturday schedule has not been released yet. If you're in Victoria this weekend, be sure to head out to the Inner Harbour by the Fairmont Empress Hotel to cheer the Wellwoods on to victory.

In other road hockey news, Pass it to Bulis will be participating in a Canucks Blogger Road Hockey Tournament Extravaganza this Saturday on Granville Street in Vancouver. The Downtown Vancouver Business Improvement Association and Five Hole for Food are setting up street hockey rinks on the corner of Granville and Robson open for anyone to play, with the blogger tournament between Canucks Hockey Blog, Canucks Corner, Head to the Net, and yours truly taking place in the late afternoon. PITB will be playing at 3:00 and 5:00 PM, so stop by to watch and/or play. The Greater Vancouver Food Bank Society will be on site to collect donations, so bring a donation along with your hockey stick.

If that doesn't get you pumped up, maybe a press release about the event will:

The Vancouver Wellwoods Need Your Help

You might recall The Vancouver Wellwoods, PITB's official, adopted women's street hockey team. These Play On! Burnaby champions (and adorable young ladies) have united under the Wellwoodian philosophy "Training = Cheating," and are one of six women's street hockey teams invited to Hockey Day in Canada's Play On! national championship in Victoria. And now they need our help. Take it away, team captain Morgan Tierney:

The Vancouver Wellwoods have been challenged by CBC to get 200 people to click "Like" at the bottom of our team page.

If we can get 200 fans faster than any other team in the National Championship tournament, fabulous prizes and (we assume) international fame await us. Since you and your fans seem to have the same appreciation for all things Wellwood as we do, I figured I'd invite you all to like us!

Our schedule will be posted on February 1st for anyone who wishes to cheer us on in person in Victoria.

And finally, I should let you know that we are currently working on a viral video masterpiece to pay tribute to our namesake, showcase our skills, and most importantly, convince Kyle that he would be better off coaching us than he would be playing for the Sharks.

To the Bulies: make sure you Like this team. They are PITB's team, and therefore, they are your team. (And while you're at it, don't forget to Like PITB on Facebook as well.) To the Wellwoods: make sure we get a copy of this viral video, and good luck at the National Championship.

The Wellwoods are Street Hockey's Most Adorable Team

The Wellwoods are a women's street hockey team from Vancouver. More than that, they are a women's street hockey team named for Kyle Wellwood. My first inclination is to question why anyone would do such a thing. Is it because all the women in this photo are adorable? Is it because this team is the weakest in the league? Is it because the team doesn't have what it takes to make it in Russia? Maybe it's all of these things.

Also, according to an anonymous commenter who plays for this team, Rule #42 of the Wellwoods charter is as follows: Training = Cheating. That explains it.


Edit: According to a member of the team, the Wellwoods will be competing in the National Street Hockey Championships during CBC's Hockey Day in Canada. And we will be cheering for them.

Edit 2: According to another Wellwood, "Our team philosophy was built upon the Three Pillars of Kyle Wellwood: Soft hands, sharp minds, and overall adoreableness.

Our ultimate goal in 2011 is to achieve the impossible: a team photo with the legend himself!! We have no idea how to go about it but having him back in North America is a start. The next step will obviously be to recruit him as our head coach, but we'll settle for a photo for now."

The very idea of The Three Pillars of Kyle Wellwood makes me smile like a schnook.