Factual Inaccuracies in "How The West Was One"

Local musician Kyprios has released a new song, "How The West Was One," a Canuck anthem just in time for the playoffs. It's a decent song, actually, with some slick production and decent flow. I like it. Though he drops fewer rhymes than the Bible's got psalms, Kyprios demonstrates a legit knowledge of the Canucks and proves himself a true fan. There are, however, some factual inaccuracies in the lyrics, which, as a super-famous Canuck blog co-writer, I feel obliged to correct, so as to avoid spreading fallacies amongst the Canuck fanbase.

HNIC Revisits the Tanner Glass Scrabble Challenge

I'm sure you're getting a little tired of Canucks Scrabble coverage, but we've had requests for the Subway bio clip featuring Tanner Glass. With that, (and thanks again to the remarkably generous CanucksHD), here's last Saturday's Hockey Night Subway bio, featuring Tanner Glass, PITB, and a brief return to the Canucks' Scrabble challenge. As you can see, HNIC smartly avoided any photos that would feature yours truly, instead opting for candid shots of the extremely photogenic Tanner Glass. I'd have done the same. Wise choice, CBC.

Scott Oake seems confused as to who won, but he's got a decent line on DOUGHIER: I think that's what happens to goaltenders after they quit playing. Likely a shot at Kelly Hrudey, like every other joke he makes. Funny stuff, although I prefer Daniel's line: As in, Harrison is doughier than Tanner Glass. It's funny 'cause it's true.

Slewfoot on Keith Ballard Showcases One of the Many Ways a Player Can Needlessly Injure Another Player

If you haven't seen it yet, here's a clip of the Keith Ballard injury, via Kukla's Korner. Last night, during the game, I wondered aloud to my wife if Milan Michalek was guilty of a slewfoot here. Kukla's Korner asks the same question. Ben Kuzma also asked. Mike Gillis straight up said it was. Let me tell you: if it looks like a slewfoot and quacks like a duck, well, it's probably a slewfoot, but then why the Hell is it quacking?

Anyway, this is probably a slewfoot, one of the many oft-overlooked ways one player can give another player a completely needless, totally avoidable, longterm injury. Word is Ballard will miss 2-4 weeks with an MCL sprain, and if the MRI reveals a tear, well, longer. Frankly, Hips is lucky his knee didn't pop clean off--the fate that befell my poseable MC Hammer action figure when I was nine.

And if it is a slewfoot, where's the outrage? I don't like the way this is being brushed off. Slewfoots are exceedingly dangerous, just like the headshots that dominate the daily discussions of NHL issues. They happen surprisingly often, and yet nobody really talks about cracking down on them.

Today would have been a great day to discuss yet one more way hockey players aren't showing each other enough respect on the ice, one more dirty play on which the league needs to crack down. But instead, when I turned on the radio, I was dropped into yet another rant about headshots. Let's get serious, radio guys. You had a major slewfoot in your market and you go right back to the well of overplayed topics? Granted, Cam Cole's article on headshots and the Code is brilliant and worth discussing, but if the above video tells me anything, it's that headshots aren't the only way to shorten a guy's career, and the others deserve some discussion as well.

The Vancouver Wellwoods Present "Training is Cheating" & Other Road Hockey News

PITB's favorite road hockey team, the Vancouver Wellwoods, have just released this fantastic video to help promote their team. It is a wonderful illustration of their team motto, "Training is Cheating." Make sure to head to their team page and "Like" the Wellwoods. As we have said before, they are PITB's team and, therefore, they are your team. If you don't like them and what they stand for, then I'm not sure we can be friends.

The National Street Hockey Championship is taking place this Friday and Saturday in Victoria, BC. The Wellwoods will be playing on Friday, February 11th, at 8:40 AM, 11:20 AM, and 2:40 PM. The Saturday schedule has not been released yet. If you're in Victoria this weekend, be sure to head out to the Inner Harbour by the Fairmont Empress Hotel to cheer the Wellwoods on to victory.

In other road hockey news, Pass it to Bulis will be participating in a Canucks Blogger Road Hockey Tournament Extravaganza this Saturday on Granville Street in Vancouver. The Downtown Vancouver Business Improvement Association and Five Hole for Food are setting up street hockey rinks on the corner of Granville and Robson open for anyone to play, with the blogger tournament between Canucks Hockey Blog, Canucks Corner, Head to the Net, and yours truly taking place in the late afternoon. PITB will be playing at 3:00 and 5:00 PM, so stop by to watch and/or play. The Greater Vancouver Food Bank Society will be on site to collect donations, so bring a donation along with your hockey stick.

If that doesn't get you pumped up, maybe a press release about the event will:

Nardwuar Interviews Alex Burrows

Nardwuar the Human Serviette is one of those love-him-or-hate-him kind of guys. He can be a bit annoying and more than a little twee, but there's definitely no disputing his originality as an interviewer. His unique style has earned him international acclaim, and it's always worth a mention when he sits down with someone. With that in mind, here is a recent interview he did with Alex Burrows.

Even if you find Nardwuar a tad off-putting (like Alex Burrows does, for instance), there's one thing you can never dispute: the guy definitely does his research. He asks Burrows questions about his QMJHL days, his stint in the broadcast booth, obscure Canucks history, and Burr's last NHL fight, which was with Dan Hamhuis. I had completely forgotten about that.

That said, the interview is still awkward as all Hell, because it's Nardwuar. Consider this exchange:

Nardwuar: Tom Larscheid! Bingo Bango...

Burrows: Luongo.

Yeah, not a lot of chemistry there. At least Burrows nailed the "doot doot" in the signoff. Try to ignore how cringy the clip can get at times, because Nardwuar also produces some remarkable gifts for Burr from a backpack full of Canucks memorabilia. Have you ever wondered which former Canuck goaltender has his own pump-up record? Have you ever seen the obscenely poseable Roberto Luongo figurine? Nardwuar and Alex Burrows have got you covered.

Thanks to the Bulies who pointed us to this (especially Michael, who e-mailed us a link). Our apologies for a painfully slow response. We fail.

Ryan Kesler Is a Quiet Leader

The opening goal of Friday night's game versus the Blackhawks is scored when Christian Ehrhoff comes off the bench and immediately steps into a slapshot on the blueline. It beats Marty Turco cleanly. But here is something you might have missed:

We see, in clip above, Ryan Kesler turn back to the bench, seemingly disinterested in the goal that was just scored. He even commits the cardinal sin of leaving Ehrhoff hanging on a high five, instead coolly gesturing to the bench. Ignoring the immense sociological ramifications of being stiffed on a high five (even Gandhi couldn't handle it), what Kesler's issue here?

Well. Kesler takes his assistant captaincy very, very seriously. No time for silly high fives when there's leadership to be done.

It's important to note that this goal happens during a line change. In the IWTG, Skeeter pointed out that Cody Hodgson starts this play when he smartly puts the puck on net, low to Turco's pad, rather than dumping it in. Immediately after doing this, Hodgson initiates a line change and Ryan Kesler replaces him. But, because it's Hodgson's line that scores, Kesler foregoes celebrating the goal to ensure that Hodgson's role in it is acknowledged and the young centre doesn't miss the on-ice goal celebration. He immediately turns back to the bench and tells Hodgson to join his linemates.

It's a small thing, but it shows the selflessness and egality of the Canucks' core guys. It's an admirable moment of quiet leadership that undoubtedly meant a lot to young Hodgson.

Christian Ehrhoff, meanwhile, is still trying to to overcome the commensurate damage to his fragile psyche. Consider his turn as flail snail later in the same game: broken, he desperately tried to high-five Viktor Stalberg's face. Ironically, he may be on the precipice of the same dark times that Cody Hodgson has recently overcome. If you see him, give him a high five. He's one short.

Hat tip to Canucks.com forum member Hodgson99 for catching this one.

Burrows Interviews Bieksa, Unwittingly Reveals Himself as Passionate Romantic

If you haven't seen this fantastic video of Alex Burrows interviewing Kevin Bieksa from ESPN.com, you are missing out. It is remarkably hilarious.

Many stick taps and gloved taps on the helmet to Nucks Misconduct.

Marty Turco Feels the Same Way as Many of Us

I love this clip. I love it because I've often wondered how players feel about resident NHL egghead Pierre McGuire standing between the benches, gushing superlatives and loudly declaring certain player's monsters. For the record: Marty Turco thinks he's a clown.

That said, I also love Pierre McGuire. He's an odd duck, a creepy cat, and he has no idea how personal bubbles work, but he also has some great observations and gets some great responses. Consider, for instance, yesterday's NBC game between the Blackhawks and Flyers. McGuire noticed that the Flyers were sitting back a little, and he asked coach Peter Laviolette directly during a bench interview. The question caught Laviolette off-guard, and he coyly, asked, "Are you sure?," hoping McGuire would back off. McGuire's response: "I'm positive." It was a bizarre moment, but it goaded Laviolette into an impressively honest response: the Flyers had adjusted their system slightly to combat the Blackhawks' speed through the neutral zone. It was a win for McGuire.

The above clip is not a win for McGuire. Neither, by the way, is his choice of eyewear. How a man with such a round head could be convinced that such round glasses were the way to go is beyond me.


Hat tip to Houses of the Hockey, via Puck the Media for the clip.

Mikhail Grabovski's Spinorama is My Favourite Spinorama

Spinning shootout goals have become incredibly overrated. They're no longer uncommon, but each time a player pulls one off, jaws across the country drop. It's nearing cliche territory, as spinning in the shootout seems like a surefire way to make someone gush, even if it has nothing to do with your eventual shot. Suffice it to say, spinning alone no longer impresses me.

But this spinorama does, and what makes it so awesome is that Mikhail Grabovski pulls the puck back to the forehand. It freezes Conklin, who must have seen all the same Youtube clips I have, because he clearly expects Grabs to release on the backhand.

Expect to see this move a few more times, as it seems the natural evolution of a shootout move that is beginning to lose its wow factor. And until this one becomes as common as that one, I'm willing to drop my jaw for it.

The Top 50 Canuck Goals of 2010 (10-01)

And here we are. We've had a fun run, wouldn't you say? We've got 40 goals down and 10 to go in our list of the best Canuck goals of 2010. We're sure you know how this list ends, and we hope you've enjoyed getting there with us, but there are still some surprises in store.

If you're late to this countdown, we recommend you start at the beginning with numbers 50-31.

We at PITB are confident that some of the top ten Canuck goals of 2010 will be obvious choices, some will come as surprises, and some are likely to have been forgotten until right now. So, without further ado, we end our list. After the jump, the 10 best Canuck tallies of the year that was 2010.

The Top 50 Canuck Goals of 2010 (30-11)

The Canucks scored some dazzling goals in 2010, but it will be a brand new year in only a few short days. Who knows what the new year will hold? Now, I don't mean to hit the panic button but, as of this writing, the Canucks are scoreless in 2011. Seriously, don't panic.

While we cross our fingers and hope they can sort that out, PITB has compiled a list of the 50 best goals of the year that was, to ensure fans don't forget how this team spoiled us with their incredibly playmaking. Yesterday we gave you the back twenty of this massive list, and today we give twenty more. After the jump, numbers 30-11 on our list of the top 50 Canuck goals of 2010.

The Top 50 Canuck Goals of 2010 (50-31)

As another year of hockey draws to a close, we at PITB thought this might be a good time to reflect on the wicked wristers, sizzling slapshots, pretty passes, and wizardous sedinerie we've seen from Canucks in the past calendar year. The 2009-10 season, the playoffs, the preseason, and the current season were all full of fabulous plays from former and current Canucks, and we'd be remiss if they were forgotten with little fanfare. Thanks to the remarkable contributions of CanucksHD, however, every one of these plays is sitting on the Youtubes, just waiting for somebody to compile them into a list.

This is that list. Over the next few days, we'll count down the 50 best goals from Canucks in 2010, from Aaron Volpatti's first NHL goal to a number one choice so obvious I'm tempted to end the list at number two. All Youtube videos are embedded so as to localize your time-wasting to this very blog. After the jump, goals 50 -31 of the best of 2010.

Jeff Tambellini Is Pretty Accurate From There

Sometimes, Jeff Tambellini gets the puck in his Magic Shooty Spot, an hypermagical vortex of wonder just above the dot by the right side boards, wherefrom a Tambellini shot equals instant goalification. No one knows why he possesses a connection to this glorious patch of universe, but legend has it, one night, Tambellini dreamt of a darkened arena, and there encountered a hockey demon. Legend further tells of a fight to the death with that same unspeakable hockey evil, won by Tambellini. He won, so says the myth, on that very spot, collapsing the cretinous hockey demon's face with a blow so true his fist went through the walls of three separate planes of existence. The being became a limpid pool of forgotten glory on that very spot, forever imbuing it with a dark imp magic only he who vanquished could know. Anyway, that's just what I've heard. The results speak for themselves:

Exhibit A: Tambellini versus Oilers

Exhibit B: Tambellini versus Red Wings

Exhibit C: Tambellini versus Sharks (preseason)

A Quick Note on Waffles

Sorry Jack, but there is only one Waffle Man and you are not him. Back to the costume shop, bud.

Green Men Talk Vince Vaughn, Prop Comedy on Puck Daddy Radio

In case you missed it, the world-famous Green Men stopped by Puck Daddy radio this afternoon for an interview with the Puck Daddy himself, Greg Wyshynski. Its definitely worth checking out, especially for the story of Vince Vaughn's reaction to a lifesize cardboard cutout that Force and Sully used in last year's playoffs. You might recall that Vaughn had been photoshopped into a Canucks Jersey.

According to the Green Men, Vaughn found it unfunny. So unfunny, in fact, that--in order to destroy it--he bought it, not unlike Charles Wang and the New York Islanders.

Look for a full PITB interview with our favourite two men in Spandex since the Ambiguously Gay Duo later this week.

Thanks to Wysh for the tip.

Kevin Bieksa Will Drag His Knuckles Across Your Face

Often lost in the ongoing dispute over Kevin Bieksa's defensive ability is his extraordinary knack for fisticuffs. Juice (so called because he likes pineapple juice, but also conveniently fits with his predisposition to rage) has had a reputation as a fighter to be avoided since he broke into the NHL by one-punching arrogant and highly-disliked prospect Fedor Fedorov in a parking lot. Canucks' management was pleased with this, likely because A) toughness is never unwanted, and B) Fedorov had been asking for it for awhile.

Since then, the long-held opinion has been that Kevin Bieksa--like Bruce Banner--is not your friend when he's angry. He's also an entertaining scrapper, sometimes beginning spats with a GSP-style Superman punch. Early in his career, Bieksa was often compared to Ed Jovanovski, a contrast that wasn't quite accurate, hockey-wise. It was apt, however, during fights: Jovanovski was generally to be avoided because he punched to concuss (just ask Adam Deadmarsh); Bieksa is similarly spirited when he trots out the knuckles. He fights to win. There is rarely any debate over his contributions to Vancouver when he resorts to violence.

Speaking of fighting and winning, he's already done so twice this season, both times decisively walloping his opponents (Kevyn Adams and Aaron Voros, respectively). Canuck fans treated both affairs as a rare treat, but in the big picture, he's actually fought 27 times in six seasons as a Canuck.

And, according to HockeyFights.com, he trends towards indisputable victory. Of those 27 fights, according to his fight card (where winners are determined through voting) he's 24-1-2. Put another way: in six years, he's lost only 2 times, and of those two, neither was overly decisive. His wins are much more so. Of his 24 wins, 15 have garnered at least 70% of the vote, with 8 garnering 90% or more. The verdict? Bieksa will crush you. After the jump, exhibits A through E:

Memories of Markus: I'm a Big Sentimental Wuss

About three years ago my friend gave me his old Playstation 2 and I immediately set out to find one of EA Sports' NHL games for it. I lived relatively sparely while going to university and hadn't played an NHL video game in years. A nearby video store had NHL 2004 cheap, so I picked it up, excited to play a season as the Canucks, one that would play out much differently than the Canucks actual 2003-04 season.

I loaded up the game and the above video was the first thing I saw. I immediately started crying. I'm a little ashamed to admit that, but it's true. Naslund and Bertuzzi were well-known to be good friends, and seeing them together, well before the Steve Moore incident, just smiling, laughing, and joking around, caught me completely off-guard. Even watching it now I get a little misty-eyed. By the time I saw this brief little clip of joviality, Todd Bertuzzi was no longer a Canuck and Naslund's play had slipped and the copious criticisms from the fickle fanbase had begun. This flashback to a happier time brought out the sentimental wuss in me.

And then the game froze every time I tried to start playing. So the only memory I have of NHL 2004 is crying like a baby. Thanks a lot, EA. After the jump, more Markus.

Darren Pang, With the Most Unfortunate Verbal Gaffe Ever

In case you missed it, this is Darren Pang from last night on TSN. In the clip, Pang lands perhaps the most unfortunate slip of the tongue since that time Lorraine Baines tried to park with Marty McFly, when he compares Alex Pietrangelo's quiet class to P.K. Subban's chirping, declaring that Pietrangelo plays "the white way."

Obviously, he meant to say "the right way." I feel terrible for him. I'm laughing a little too, of course. But it's a gentle laughter.

Now I've been holding my tongue on the P.K. Subban issue, but I'll take this opportunity to talk about it (sorry, Panger). The furor around P.K. Subban isn't going to go away. First, because P.K. Subban is a very, very good player, and second, because Subban is a completely different breed of hockey personality. He's flashy and arrogant in a way few are, and it doesn't help his cause that he's black. Other hockey players play with swagger too, but when P.K. Subban sports that swagger, it's hip hop. As a result, it's hard to put Subban's blackness aside-- it's a major element of his playing style. Worse, it's hard not to consider the role that plays when people talk about how he needs to earn respect.

Subban's blackness will continue to be an issue in the same way that Ray Emery's was. These are black athletes with hip hop swagger in hockey; they stand out like a sore thumb. Worse, they're stars in Canadian markets, where the coverage is vast, and, frankly, most hockey fans and media guys aren't really sure how much they're allowed to notice what's so plainly evident.

But worst of all, they're both jerks. It's hard to point that out without being labelled a racist. There was a brilliant episode of 30 rock on this once.

Anyway, as a result, coverage of Subban has become very, very sensitive. (Crap like this doesn't help). Nobody wants to be the racist. As Greg Wyshynskhi pointed out:

[This incident] does speak to some hypersensitivity in coverage in Subban, who is quickly becoming one of the most prominent black players in the NHL.

For example, CBC analyst Glenn Healy's words were scrutinized in the Globe & Mail after he said Subban was having "none of this monkey business" during a scrum. Columnist Bruce Dowbriggin wrote: "the incident illustrates the new sensitivities of modern broadcast etiquette in Canada’s multiracial culture."

Very true. But the Panger incident is different. He didn't break some sort of modern etiquette rule; he just had an Elmer Fudd moment. Later in the show, the panel briefly addressed the issue. Panger: "I feel terrible. I've got a knot in my stomach; it was an honest mistake, and I mixed up my words, obviously." Darren Pang is no racist. Heck, he's the star of the Urban Dictionary. Urban! But seriously, he's no more a racist than Ron Maclean is the grand marshall of Mardi Gras.

Edit: For a different take on this, check out Angie Lewis at All We Do is Puck, who takes issue with the things Pang said leading up to the gaffe:

Well, notice how Pang, and of course everybody else comments on Subban's behavior, need of "settling him down." The same conversation has happened with Russian Alex Ovechkin's personality and party-boyish ways. While it is understandable in the case of Subban in a community where everyone else doesn't act the way he does that he should be mindful of this for the betterment of his team, it is still troublesome that he has to do so.

This all goes under this concept of "conformity"... the idea that the right, proper way to do everything is to assimilate by conforming to the Anglo-Canadian style of play, attitude, training, etc. And this concept appears in many forms in our daily lives, and it is hard to detect by others on the outside because of the idea of privilege... unfortunately, this is All We Do Is Puck and not sociology class, so I won't explain all of it here, but it is something to be aware of.

There's definitely something to this, though I don't entirely agree with Lewis. To my mind, conformity is a team sports convention. I don't like it (it's partly why weirdly adorable Kyle Wellwood is playing in Russia and, as Lewis points out, it's certainly caused Alex Ovechkin undue grief), but it's not solely racial. Conformity attacks difference of all sorts.

That said, I've spoken to Angie Lewis on Twitter, and we both agree that no one seems quite sure what to do with P.K. Subban, and where his personality and his blackness intersect. This won't be the last we hear of this issue.

Roberto Luongo and James Duthie are... The Superfriends!

By now, you might be aware that James Duthie and Roberto Luongo are friends. If you aren't, I highly recommend Ian Walker's piece this morning on their TSN intermission segments. In it, Walker breaks the big shocker that talented writer Duthie--and not famous non-writer Luongo--wrote the poems in the most recent bit. Walker also reminds Canucks fans that the newly-viral masterpiece is actually just one of many collaborations on which the two have worked. By my count, there have been four.

The Luongo/Duthie friendship is excellent because it combines Duthie's gifts as a writer with Roberto Luongo's refreshing sense of humour and willingness to self-deprecate. Most of the comedy is original Duthie stuff, but what makes it special is that it's often full of hilarious personal jabs at Luongo's image, and risky topics that would offend any athlete who took himself a little more seriously. After the jump, PITB documents their four entertaining collaborations.

I Find This Video Odd: Short Poems by Roberto Luongo

The following video is a TSN intermission feature that, for some incredible reason, actually happened. What the heck? More than likely, Luongo read Qris's limericks and was inspired. Or maybe my sonnet to Tanner Glass. It is a certainty that PITB is ushering in a new era of Canucks poetry.

I don't really have much to say about what you're seeing. There's simply no need to funny it up; it's already hilarious. My favorite turn of phrase: "ballet on blades, redheaded blaze." But, the best poem by far is the Ode to Dustin Byfuglien, quoted in its entirety below:

Human eclipse

Rhinoceros hips

Who will laugh last when I slash your calf?

Bring me peace, make it cease

Get your big ass out of my crease

Luongo has a great sense of humour and I love that he's able to riff on some of these subjects. The Byfuglien one and the shootouts one in particular are topics a grumpier Luongo--maybe even last season's Luongo--was not in the right frame of mind to laugh about. This was great to see. Watch it twice. This is classic stuff.

It was definitely gutsy for Luongo to agree to do this feature for this game, against the Blackhawks. You know that if the Canucks had lost, we would be questioning Louie's commitment to winning right now. That line of thinking is the pinnacle of idiocy, and thankfully the Canucks won and it's a moot point. Perhaps the injection of levity helped the Canucks play loose?

Anyway, hopefully this isn't the last interesection of the Canucks and the world of the poets. I still want to see Alex Burrows spit some some slam poetry like my man Saul Williams.