The Tanner Glass Scrabble Battle Is On

How did he get a shirt? We don't even have one yet.

Ladies and gentlemen, the Tanner Glass Scrabble challenge is officially a go. If you'll recall, back in November, we issued an open challenge to the Canucks' grinder, calling him out and questioning his Scrabbling abilities (which, rumour has it, are questionable). Two weeks later, shockingly, Tanner Glass accepted. Also, there were t-shirts. We promised to update everyone in the new year.

Well, here's your update: Tanner, the Canucks, and PITB have come together, and the Scrabble Battle will go down Wednesday, February 23, at 3pm. We're stoked. Here's Derek Jory of Canucks.com with the details:

Whether Harrison Mooney, half the manpower behind PassItToBulis.com, was serious or not when he posted an open Scrabble challenge to Tanner Glass after hearing the Vancouver Canucks forward reveal he is an avid player on road trips on the Team 1040, Glass has accepted and the stage is now set for the first ever Scrabble Battle.

The inaugural Scrabble Battle will pit Glass and Mooney in a one-hour showdown of everyone’s favourite word game on Wednesday, February 23rd at 3 p.m. PST; fans can follow each player’s moves as they happen on Canucks.com/scrabble via the virtual game board and by following @VanCanucks on Twitter.

The goal of the Scrabble Battle is to raise as much money as possible for Canucks for Kids Fund. All proceeds from the t-shirts go directly to Canucks for Kids Fund, (CFKF) which has reached communities throughout BC by granting more than 32 million dollars benefiting areas of health and wellness, grassroots hockey and education since 1986.

If you want to show your support for either Team Glass or Team Mooney, pledges are also being accepted with all funds generated again supporting CFKF. The hook here is that the player who raises the most money by the morning of the 23rd will get to play first during the Scrabble Battle.

And that's that.

The best thing ever? In the header photo, Tanner is mimicking his pose on the shirt while wearing the shirt. It's very meta. It's like the Inception, but with shirts.

Here's the deal, Bulies: please, please, for the love of all that is good, go donate money on my behalf. I want that first move and I need all the help I can get. I'm not sure if you know this, but Tanner Glass has some wealthy friends. This one Italian guy he knows is making 10 million this year. This other Italian guy he knows pays the first Italian's guy salary. Suffice it to say, I'm in tough.

But so help me if Glass gets that first play. I could wind up playing from behind all game, and that's unacceptable. And so help me if I lose. If that happens, I'm retiring from blogging forever. Disclaimer: no I'm not.

Anyway, #TeamMooney.

Adventures in Road Hockey: PITB Is Unstoppable, Vancouver Wellwoods Runners-Up at Nationals

The Vancouver Wellwoods, PITB's adopted women's road hockey team.

In case you live in a cave (or another country), you probably already knew that last weekend was the 1st anniversary of the 2010 Winter Olympics, that awesome party we hosted last year. To celebrate and relive the fever of those awesome two weeks, Vancouver residents reconvened on Granville street for festivities and, appropriately, hockey. PITB was there, as our pal Richard Loat, founder of Five Hole For Food, invited us out to take part in a Canucks' bloggers mini-tournament with fellow blogs Head to the Net, Canucks Corner, and Canucks Hockey Blog.

Needless to say, we wrecked house. Our team (comprised of Cinnamon Toast Funk bassist Jason Vander-Hoek, my boss Jared Ginter, and Skeeter in goal), was, in scientific terms, hecka boss. And speaking of bosses, it turns out mine rocks at road hockey. Also, Daniel was a freaking wall. Even I had an honour roll moment, thoroughly undressing CHB's JJ Guerrero before going forehand-backhand on their stunned netminder.

As Bruce Ng said, it was as if the rink was tilted (also: it was). Additional observation: Richard Loat is big, but he doesn't play big. Quit being such a perimeter player, Loat.

But enough about us. Last weekend's real road hockey newsmakers are the Vancouver Wellwoods, PITB's adopted women's street hockey team. If you'll recall, the Wellwoods were headed down to Victoria to vie for the Redwood Cup in the national road hockey championships. After the jump, the ladies in baby blue tell you all about the tournament in their own words:

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I Watched This Game: Canucks at Wild, February 15, 2010

Canucks 4 - 1 Wild

With tonight's victory over the Minnesota Wild, the Canucks successfully staved off their first

two-game regulation losing streak since November, when they went three straight games without collecting a point against Pittsburgh, Chicago, and Phoenix, in that order. Again: that was in November. This stat, incredible as it is, never seemed more in jeopardy than heading into tonight's game. And, unlike Watson the computer, it had every right to be in jeopardy: the six-man defensive unit iced by the Canucks tonight was about as green as a Lamborghini Murcielago; the team was playing in a very unfriendly building; the Canucks were on the second night of a back-to-back. Yet, somehow, they won. Breaking news: this team is resilient. Also breaking: I watched this game:

• Outshot, outhit, and outplayed for the second night in a row, the Canucks submitted a pretty paltry effort, even going so far as to play the entire third period without putting a shot on Nicklas Backstrom. They had 14 shots total. Like the movie Crash, they didn't deserve to win anything, but somehow, they did. Unlike the movie Crash, however, the Canucks did it with a pretty thin cast.

• If you're wondering how, exactly, the Canucks eked this one out, look no further than Cory Schneider, the Canucks' backup netminder, who stopped 28 of 29 shots on the night to keep the Canucks in it. Having watched Schneider for awhile now, I feel fairly confident in saying that he's going to be a very good goaltender for a long time. He does two things incredibly well: the first is getting in position to make the save. The Wild tried all night to get him moving side to side, but Schneider always seemed to be in the right position to take the puck squarely on the chest. The second thing he does well is sweep the puck away with his goal stick. I don't remember the last time a Canuck goaltender was as active clearing pucks out of his crease. Schneider is turning himself into a very hot commodity. I should say that it seems a downright shame to be salivating simply at Schneider's trade value (the NHL equivalent of Grampa Simpson's classic "I can't wait to eat that monkey" quote), but that's where this is headed.

• The only downside to any Canuck victory against Minnesota is the inevitable "Canucks Tame Wild" headline. We get it. It's been done. You can do better, everyone. May I recommend: "Canucks Poach Wild", "Canucks Stuff and Skin Wild", "Canucks Put Wild in Small Cage and Allow Flash Photography" or, if the Canucks are at home, "Canucks Abuse Wild Domestically."

• Any hope of easing Sami Salo back into the lineup went out the window when the rest of his defensive cohorts fell down that mine shaft, but he's proved capable of the big minutes almost right away, and begun producing immediately. Salo played over twenty minutes tonight, picking up an assist for the second straight game when his powerplay point blast was tipped by Manny Malhotra. I like that the Canucks are playing Salo on the second unit of the powerplay, and resisting the urge to float him to the top spot in Alex Edler's absence. Salo has immediately improved the B unit with his threatening shot, the unit scoring in two of the three games since he's been back. Interestingly, both times, the goal was the first of the game and the Canucks went on the win.

• Do people in Minnesota wear anything other than flannel and fleece? HD TV indicates that they do not.

• Ryan Kesler's empty-net goal was the Canucks' only shot of the period, and a source of a triple upstaging. 1) The Canucks upstaged the Wild by scoring the empty-netter. 2) Alex Burrows missed the open net for a goal that would have extended his league-leading point streak, then Kesler upstaged him from further away. 3) John "King Homer" Garrett made a passionate case for Burrows receiving a point, claiming he may have touched the puck when it came off the boards. It was not to be. However, Christian Ehrhoff then upstaged John Garrett by making a passionate case for himself: This, from a Michael Russo tweet: "Hilarious, but Christian Ehrhoff is begging for assist on empty-netter. Hit his shin pad. The off-ice officials having passionate debate." Ehrhoff got that assist. Everyone was upstaged tonight.

• The reunited third line of Manny Malhotra, Raffi Torres, and Jannik Hansen combined for the Canucks' second goal, and it was great to see that line create offense for the second night in a row. This has been our most successful third line trio, and I'm of the mind that you keep it together now, no matter what. Let them work through their problems as a unit, like Ashton Kutcher and Cameron Diaz in What Happens in Vegas. It will be a lot easier when Malhotra has games like tonight. Manny finished the night with a goal, an assist, and a +50% faceoff percentage.

• Say you're Alain Vigneault: what do you do when your team is exhausted and your defense corps is decimated? You hand the keys to your two Selke-calibre centers and you instruct them to trap the Hell out of the mother. Manny Malhotra and Ryan Kesler both took 28 shifts, game-high among forwards, as well as taking twenty faceoffs apiece. For contrast, Henrik Sedin took only eleven. In fact, Vigneault played the Sedins sparingly, only skating Daniel Sedin for 15:55. Kesler and Malhotra did what Selke-calibre centers do, winning faceoffs, making the smart, defensive play (which, in this case, was chipping the puck out of the zone), and pitching in a goal and an assist each. Suffice it to say, Vigneault's decision to ride these guys worked. I tell you all of this so that, if anybody tells you the Wild play a boring system, you can point out that it was the Canucks, in fact, who turned this one into a snoozefest. The Wild play a fairly uptempo system these days.

• Apart from one ugly giveaway, I hardly noticed Yann Sauve at all. Good.

• Martin Havlat somehow managed to finish the game minus-3. This is especially cathartic when you recall the defensive acumen he appeared to have in the Canucks last visit to Minnesota. Q: Martin Havlat is defensively sound. A: False.

• When did Cal Clutterbuck become amazing? The NHL's next great agitator did it all for the Wild tonight, scoring their only goal and narrowly missing on a number of other great chances, and getting away with a couple cheapies by high-sticking Christian Ehrhoff and butt-ending Henrik Sedin. Guy's a total jerk, but wow, is he good. And what a name. If I didn't so wish a pox on him, I'd think he was pretty fantastic.

• Christian Ehrhoff had four blocked shots tonight. It's gone completely unnoticed, but Ehrhoff has become a major shot-blocker in a very short time. Last year, in 80 games played, Ehrhoff had 82 blocked shots. This year, he's tied with Kevin Bieksa for the team lead at 81. He's done this in only 55 games played. Yes sir, Ehrhoff is singlehandedly taking this team to Blockoland.

• And finally: Mikael Samuelsson has improved on a lot of things since the All-Star break, but if I can highlight one, it's been his ability to find space to get his shot off. Watch him drift into the open area on the Canucks' third goal. Not since Fast & The Furious: Tokyo Drift have I seen drifting of this magnitude.

I Find This Quote Odd: Yann Sauve Edition

Yann Sauve calls his parents in the middle of the night to alarm them for his own amusement.

Here's Yann Sauve, discussing the circumstances surrounding his callup with Jim Jamieson over at the White Towel:

“My mom didn't believe it,” said Sauve. “She thought I was kidding because I always do this, but they were really happy even though they were half asleep.”

Wait, what? He says, "I always do this," he says. Now, it's possible that "this" is kidding around, but I think maybe "this" is calling his parents in the middle of the night to tell them elaborate and shocking lies. Does Yann Sauve wake and terrify them for his own amusement? Yes, I believe he does. It's his favourite prank. Here are a few of Sauve classics:

• Mom, Dad, wake up, I'm on fire!
  
• Mom, Dad, wake up, I'm trapped on a speeding bus that can't go below 55 miles per hour!
  
• Mom, Dad, wake up, I'm being held hostage by Kubrickian dogs!
  
• Mom, Dad, wake up, I've been elected premier!
• Mom, Dad, wake up, I've declared martial law!
• Mom, Dad, wake up! I've been hit by a car!
  

Anyway, he clearly sucks at pranking, so he should help fill the void left by Keith Ballard.

Wellwood's World, Chapter 9: Happy Times Are Here Again

When we last left the non-stop actioner that is the life of Kyle Wellwood, Welly was making his triumphant return from exile, now in a San Jose Sharks uniform. He seemed excited about going to the Sun Belt, and relieved to be home from Russia, the bizarro nation where stray dogs reenact famous scenes from A Clockwork Orange before stealing your groceries.

In some sort of grand, cosmic joke at his expense, Wellwood wound up making his season debut in Vancouver. The quiet, self-effacing center seemed somewhat annoyed to be right back in front of Vancouver's million microphones, but it was a special treat for Canuck fans, like us, who have battled through the barrier that is the Cyrillic alphabet just to continue following his career. It was nice to finally receive a much-needed dose of Wellwoodness in English, where his trademark pathos wasn't mitigated by Google's crappy translator.

So what's new on the Wellwood front? Welly has now played 10 games with the Sharks. In those games, he's got 2 goals and no assists. Nothing special. However, he's a plus-4, and he's only been on the ice for 1 goal against (typical defensive stalwart that he is). That goal, by the way, was the much-ballyhooed Paul Bissonnette goal from the 1st of February. It garnered plenty of attention, as the rare BizNasty goal should, and nobody even seemed to notice that Welly got it back with his first goal of the season later that night ( to the highlights!).

Yann Sauve Evolves from Land Mammal to Sea Mammal

Yann Sauve started the season in the hospital after losing a fight with an automobile prior to training camp. He then played 8 games with the Victoria Salmon Kings of the ECHL before evolving from fish to mammal to join the Manitoba Moose of the AHL. Now, in the wake of a metric whackload of injuries to the Canucks defensive corps capped off by Andrew Alberts breaking his wrist, Yann Sauve has evolved yet again from Moose to Orca. As all Pokémon trainers well know, the third form is the most powerful and desirable evolution, so here's hoping that is the case for Yann Sauve. Sauve has only 3 points in his 20 games with the Moose, but is meant to be a stay-at-home type and at least has an even +/-.

Sauve joins the Killer Whales tonight as they play against the Minnesota Wild. It's anyone's guess how he'll perform against NHL-level competition after his rapid ascension up the evolutionary ladder, but he will likely see few minutes. Instead, Bieksa, Ehrhoff, and Salo will be expected to shoulder most of the load, with Rome and Tanev on either side in case the whole thing starts to tip. Sauve, on the other hand, will likely have a tough time adjusting to his new fins and blowhole, as well as wondering where his antlers went.

I Watched This Game: Canucks at Blues, February 14, 2011

Canucks 2 - 3 Blues

There are many possible explanations for the wave of mutilation that has befallen our defense corps, and they all involve the unspeakable. This ain't no worldly happening, y'all. This is a straight up X-file. Here are some theories: Sami Salo's lifelong injury demon is the most powerful Hellspawn since Dakota Fanning; Dave Nonis is a voodoo champion (Cam Cole's expert theory), Rick Bowness is suffering the ill effects of a gypsy curse; while watching video on hip checking technique, skills coach Glenn Carnegie accidentally played the team a haunted video tape; Kevin Bieksa had a premonition and recently prevented the entire Canucks' defense group from boarding a plane that crashes, and now death has a list; or maybe, the hockey gods are trying to humble us. Guys, I have to know. Not so much out of concern for the Canucks, mind you, but because nobody knows what sort of evil we're dealing with here, and therefore, nobody knows how transferable this curse actually is. Am I next? After all, I watched this game:

• Forced humility by way of the hockey gods seems a likely explanation. Last night's loss to the St. Louis Blues was exactly the sort of loss that might have sent Canuck nation into a tizzy in previous years. The Canucks were sorely outhit, outshot, and outplayed, and a severe puck misplay by Roberto Luongo wound up being the difference-maker. Normally, this would be time to trot out the usual gripes about team toughness and overrated Italians. But, when it's your goaltender's first regulation loss in twenty games, and when your team remains a trillion points ahead of the rest of the Conference, it's hard not to shrug at the occasional whoopsie. I mean, the Canucks are 1-2 in their last three. Is that reason enough for panic? No, not really, all things considered, but such rationality flies in the face of regular Vancouver fan protocol. It's possible that the hockey gods are attempting to exacerbate each loss by tacking on a long-term injury to a defenceman, simply so that we will treat the defeat with our usual austerity. This is all our fault. Canuck fans: for all our sakes, please panic like you used to.

• If you're not sure what I'm on about with all this, let's catch you up to speed: in the second period of last night's game, Andrew Alberts broke his freaking wrist. He joins an injury list that includes: everyone ever. Everybody hurts.

• Unfortunately, the injuries on the back end are beginning to show. Give Chris Tanev credit for going eleven NHL games before people realized he had only played eleven games in the NHL.
  

• One of the best things about all these injuries has been the certain ensuing article about how it opens up cap space. That's like saying the accidental death of a plane crash survivor means more food for the remaining stranded, now forced to eat him.
  

• Roberto Luongo deserves a ton of credit for his remarkable streak, bookended, strangely enough, by losses to the St. Louis Blues. Don't act so surprised: compared to battling depression, it's easy to overcome wild animal attacks and natural disasters. Sometimes there's simply no cure for the blues.

• It's a shame it had to end the way it did, though. I was just going to write an article about how Luongo's puck-handling skills had improved. Suffice it to say, such an article is no longer relevant, as Luongo picked up an assist on Alex Steen's goal when he made a perfect feed to Steen while concurrently vacating the net. That's the opposite of what you're supposed to do. That gaffe aside, however, Luongo was sensational last night, making 31 saves--several of the phylum "Hoo boy, wacky!"--to keep things close, including one toe save that prompted a John Garrett swoon over Luongo's freakishly long legs.

• It's also a shame that the Canucks' loss and injury party overshadowed the kiss from a rose that was a rare goal by the third line (above). After some impressive sustained offensive zone pressure by the reunited trio of Hansen, Malhotra, and Torres, Jannik Hansen was able to shock the world by putting in a rebound. Several people tweeted "Good shift by Torres." the rarest sentence in the English language, rarer even, than the 1287-word sentence in William Faulkner's Absalom, Absalom! Torres didn't look too bad last night. Here's hoping he's beginning to trend upwards.
  

• I remain unconvinced the Canucks can't keep both Bieksa and Ehrhoff somehow, but if you're wondering which of the two should be kept, consider that Ehrhoff has looked a little shaky without Edler, while Bieksa, even without Hamhuis, remains the best breakup artist since Dashboard Confessional. On one rush, Bieksa hurried back to turn a 2-on-1 into a 2-on-2, then somehow put himself in perfect position to break up a saucer pass to the trailer. It was sort of amazing. Anyway, Christian Ehrhoff still finished as the high-minute man, logging an obscene 29:16, but Bieksa probably would have eclipsed thirty, had he not spent four minutes in the penalty box.

• Speaking of the penalty box, I didn't particularly care for the reffing in last night's game. They called some stuff they shouldn't have (Kevin Bieksa's slash) and they missed a bunch of blatant calls (like a handful of holds on the Sedins, or Samuelsson's dangerous crosscheck). That's not why the Canucks lost, though, so we'll move on.

• The Canucks' first goal was yet another instance where one Sedin picked up a point while the other didn't. This has happened a lot this season. Daniel remains five points up on his brother, which is just strange to me. Is this evidence of a rift? I say yes. We all know Daniel Sedin is out for blood and often imagines strangling his brother to death. Rumour has it, every night, in the Sedins' shared dreamspace, Daniel tries to use inception to convince Henrik he should retire, and Henrik is sick of it.

• Manny Malhotra won most of his faceoffs again, going 12-for-16. Of note: he went 9-for-12 in the defensive zone, 3-for-4 in the neutral zone, and 0-for-0 in the offensive zone. Again, that's 16 faceoffs, none inside the opponent's blue line. I hate to say Skeeter was right (I really do), so I won't. But let it remain implied. Malhotra spends less time in the offensive zone than the Jonas Brothers.
  

• The game-tying goal that was waved off in the dying seconds of the game was probably right not to count. While Kevin Bieksa's ability to move an entire pile of adult men with one superman punch is impressive, it seems kind of against the rules. But if Jannik Hansen ever needs him to punch Team Rocket into space, it's good to know it'll be a piece of cake for him.

• And finally: Victor Oreskovich needs to finish the night with more than one hit, especially on a night when the Blues outhit the Canucks by a margin of 2-to-1.

Quotes Taken Out of Context: Kesler Valentine's Day Edition

"I just gave her the meat."

- Ryan Kesler, February 14, 2011