It's Okay to be Optimistic

I understand some Canucks fans are wary of the playoffs: with only two Stanley Cup Final appearances in the team's 40 year existence and no victories, most Canucks fans have a pessimistic outlook, just waiting for something to go wrong. And certainly things have gone wrong in the past. We've seen a dream playoff run ended by a goal post. We've seen an Art Ross trophy and a division championship choked away. We've seen Nicklas Lidstrom score from center. We've see Luongo lose focus. We've seen them lose in the second round to the Blackhawks. Twice. In a row. And that's just recent history.

So I get it, I really do. For many years the pessimism has been a realistic and fair reaction to the performance and history of the team. So I want to let you know, because it's completel atypical and likely goes against everything you've ever believed about the Canucks: it's okay to be optimistic.

Aaron Rome's Teammates Help Him Shave

PITB is all about classic, old-school, screwball comedy, so you know any time someone takes a gob to the gob, we're gonna be all over it. Here's an Aaron Rome postgame interview that comes to an abrupt halt when Kevin Bieksa, Tanner Glass, and Raffi Torres, doing their best Ryan Kesler impressions as they peer from behind the curtain, successfully conspire to smear shaving cream all over Rome's cheeks. It's a well-executed prank, probably because Keith Ballard isn't involved.

The irony is that this is probably the only time the media will ever be interested enough in Aaron Rome to interview him, and his teammates just ruined it. Later, they went out to Red Robin, told the waitress it was Rome's birthday, then threw the free sundae on the ground.

So what's the occasion for such jubilation? In his 100th game with the organization, Rome finally tallied his first goal as a Canuck, a 200-foot empty netter to seal a win in Nashville. This is only the second NHL goal of his career, and clearly, it's been a long time coming: the gleeful response from his teammates as the puck drifts over the goal line is classic. You'd have thought they were in the audience for Oprah's Favourite Things.

While Rome has all the makings of a lifelong NHL journeyman (he flies under the radar, his effort exceeds his talent, he's nearly bald at 27), he's found a home in Vancouver for the meantime. He's made some big contributions to this historic season, spending a substantial chunk of it playing a top four role because of the injuries the Canuck have suffered on the back end. All things considered, Rome probably deserves a look for the year-end unsung hero award, but most of the attention he's received for his tireless effort has been flack for getting so many minutes. Shame on you, everyone.

Anyway, it's nice to see him get a little positive recognition.

I Watched This Game: Canucks at Predators, March 29, 2011

Canucks 3 - 1 Predators

The two of us have differing views on goaltender's duels. Keep in mind: Harrison enjoys basketball; Skeeter enjoys soccer. Our opinions regarding tight-checking, low-scoring affairs echo these tastes. This is also why, during games, Skeeter often screams more slide tackles! and Harrison often screams more black people! But we digress. [We] watched this game:

• With tonight's victory, the Canucks improved their record against the Predators to two wins and two losses, sewing up the Western Conference in the process. With five games yet to play, this leaves plenty of time to finish up other, neglected sewing projects. Henrik promised Daniel that he would sew Anna a new pair of booties. Mikael Samuelsson's lucky underwear needs patching. Alex Burrows is making a snood.

• It's official. Aaron Rome has his first goal as a Canuck (above), which could either be used as evidence that he doesn't deserve the icetime he's been getting, or maybe as an explanation for why he's been getting it: Alain Vigneault's been determined to get him that goal all season. Apart from Rome, nobody was more excited to see him score than Keith Ballard, whose minutes will finally skyrocket to seventeen.

• It's been awhile since Alex Burrows took it upon himself to win da turd. Tonight, he scored two goals in the final frame, doing just that. Like Seth Rogen in Knocked Up, Burrows only has one move. That's the umpteenth time he's gone backhand on the breakaway. Burrows is predictable, yes, but goalies can't afford to predict and shade left. He sucks at skating, so they have to respect the possibility that he might fall down and have the puck roll to the opposite post.

• The game-tying goal--Burrows' first goal of the night--comes on some positively Wizardous Sedinerie. For the unobservant, this is a no-look bank pass to a one-timed no-look backhand saucer pass to a mid-air one-timer. Nothing but net. This is Bird/Jordan stuff; Burrows wins the Big Mac. Mind you, in Örnsköldsvik, they learn this in peewee.

• Like Mason Raymond and Ryan Kesler, Alex Burrows and Shane O'Brien are clearly besties. In a previous version of the plan, O'Brien and Burrows moved to London together and shared a flat. Instead, the plan changed, and they were separated by forces beyond their control. They spent the whole night fighting hat-wearing agents to retake control of their own destiny. (This is the movie we're referencing. Yeah, we don't recommend it.)

• To explain: Burrows and O'Brien engaged multiple times in post-whistle scrums. The most entertaining moment was the time they were separated by both linesmen, and still waved at each other, smiling and chirping like the birds that circle Uncle Remus in Song of the South, the most racist Disney movie ever. Having seen Pocahontas and Aladdin, that's saying a lot.

• In the first period, the Sportsnet crew showed a graphic with pictures of Alain Vigneault and Barry Trotz, their impressive win/loss records, and the caption, "Hottest in the NHL". That is not a caption that goes above pictures of those two guys, for what should be obvious reasons.

• Roberto Luongo was really good, huh? He's been doing that lately. Despite having to make only 16 saves, Luongo earned third star honours, because a lot of them were tough saves, like Alice Cooper or Brian "Head" Welch. Of note: Head Joins the Body is the greatest headline ever.

• 5 of Nashville's 17 shots came from Jordin Tootoo. So really, they took 12 shots. Ha, just kidding, Tootoo's not too, too bad. Zing. Anyway, Daniel wants everyone to know he's ashamed of this bullet point.

• Despite looking absolutely dominant at several stages of the game, Ryan Kesler and Mason Raymond were the only minus players on the Canucks. The line of Kesler, Raymond, and Chris Higgins gave the Nashville defenders fits with their speed, board play, and rugged manliness, but couldn't generate a goal. They did, however, combine for 13 shots. They took more shots than Roy "Speedy" Harper.

• Frankly, a lot of their excellent work died on the stick of Aaron Rome, who can only hit the net when shooting from the opposite end of the ice, but he scored a goal tonight, so we'll save our grumbling for another night.

• Shocking stat of the night: Ryan Suter and Shea Weber both finished the game minus-3. Not so shocking stat: they both played over twenty-seven minutes. I guess when you're on the ice all night, there's a large chance you'll be on the ice for the opponent's goals.

• Upon seeing Sami Salo on the powerplay, Harrison commented that the Canucks weren't really missing Mikael Samuelsson. Then Victor Oreskovich jumped the boards with the Sedins.

• In truth, Oreskovich has been playing solid hockey since his call-up, and his turn on the first line while Alex Burrows rested, post penalty-kill, was a nice reward. While he only finished with 9:55 of icetime, that's almost three minutes more than Jeff Tambellini. When Tanner Glass returns, Oreskovich may be pleased to learn that he's earned a playoff roster spot. Pleased, that is, unless he thinks top line duty will be a regular occurrence.

• And finally, we've already mentioned Aaron Rome's goal, but we left out the best part: watch Henrik Sedin show true leadership by stretching out his arms to ensure nobody derails Rome's 200-footer. Granted, there's no one around him, but Kevin Love would be proud of this boxout. It's been said that the Canucks have nothing left to play for, but look how excited everyone is when this puck goes in. Other motivations aside, this team simply enjoys playing together.

The Awful Human Being Quiz Will Suss Out the Awful Human Beings

Most Canuck fans are good people. They just want to see their team win, and they're pretty used to that not happening. As a result, they're resigned, they're relaxed, and they have a tendency to keep their heads. Unfortunately, they are only the majority of Canucks fans, which means that, somewhere, there is a minority of insane, violent, awful human beings who happen to share a love for Vancouver's hockey team.

A word to this minority: we don't want you. You're bad. Go elsewhere.

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking: am I bad? Am I an awful human being? Perhaps. But we at PITB don't just want to leave you in the dark. We would like very much to help identify you. And then shun you.

With that in mind, we spent the weekend creating this very scientific quiz, which should help to evaluate how awful you are. It's only three questions long, so you should know if you're an awful human being within five minutes:

20 Reasons Daniel Sedin Is Bad at Penalty Shots

"I suck at this."

With Daniel Sedin's failed penalty shot attempt Friday, the NHL scoring leader is now 0-for-4 in his career on penalty shots, and it's never really been close. He's bad at it. He's so bad at it that Alain Vigneault used this most recent non-goal as an example of why Daniel never gets a chance in the shootout. It's a strange anomaly, really, especially considering that Daniel Sedin is a pretty fabulous scorer. Furthermore, he's in possession of one of the NHL's most accurate shots. You'd think he'd be money in these situations, but it would seem penalty shots and shootouts just aren't particularly suited for his game. Here are 20 possible explanations:

I Watched This Game: Canucks at Blue Jackets, March 27, 2011

Canucks 4 - 1 Blue Jackets

What's the remedy for a team that has very little left to play for? Pit them against a team that never has anything to play for. The Canucks coasted through yesterday's Sunday matinee game, and probably deserved a loss for such lackadaisical play, but it's pretty tough to outcoast the Blue Jackets, or, as Rick Nash knows them, the World Hockey Championships preseason tuneup squad. To the passive observer, this one looked like a battle of who could care less, so the outcome shouldn't surprise; Columbus has steeled themselves on many such battles. The Blue Jackets played their game perfectly, which means the Canucks won the game. And I watched this game:

• How can you tell that spending even a short period of time in Columbus absolutely crushes the human spirit? Check out Scottie Upshall's absentee stat line. When we last saw the man they call "Updog" (okay, they don't, but they should), he was playing his first game with the Blue Jackets, the day after a trade from the Phoenix try-hards. As of yet unspoiled, he scored a goal to go with six shots, two hits and a blocked shot, and was named the game's second star. A month later, Upshall's only contribution to the stat line was a won faceoff. You probably didn't even realize he was playing, and apparently, neither did he.

• Okay, seriously though, the Blue Jackets peppered the Canuck net with shots most of the afternoon. Unfortunately for them, Cory Schneider was in the net the whole time. He made a bevy of amazing saves, rightly earning first star honours and picking up his 15th win in his 20th start. He also pitched a shutout for over fifty minutes, before surrendering the prerequisite Snack Goal, just to remind his teammates that there's literally no difference when he tends goal instead of Luongo. That marked the 9th time a Canuck goaltender has lost the shutout within the last 10 minutes. They're addicted. How much of a problem is this? I don't even mean the last 10 minutes of games. I mean literally the last 10 minutes.

• I've heard a lot of praise directed at the Canucks organization for coming through on a promise to start Schneider for 20 games. It's undeserved. First, they never made any such guarantees; the media only inferred it. Furthermore, Schneider played lights out almost all season, and that merited 20 starts. If he had even been average this season, he wouldn't have cracked 15. Really, the only person who deserves kudos for hitting this benchmark is Schneider for earning it.

• I'll tell you who didn't have to muster any motivation for today's game: Chris "Kiss Huggins" Higgins. Safe to say, after seeing this photo, Higgins likely said to himself, I want me some of that. He spent the afternoon doing everything in his power to necessitate group hugs between he and his cuddly linemates. Higgins successfully created three such occasions, finishing with two goals and an assist. He was fantastic. His first goal was the most impressive, as he outskated the aforementioned Scottie "The Drifter" Upshall, picked up the Ryan Kesler pass at a sharp angle, and roofed it. His second goal was a snoozy, late-game powerplay tap-in, but you know Alain Vigneault's pretty excited at the prospect of a second powerplay unit that creates tap-ins. The secret to invigorating any unit, apparently, is to put Chris Higgins on it. He'll do anything for the post-goal hug; Kiss Huggins just wants to hold you.

• Higgins has looked excellent on the second line since his promotion to it a few games ago, but this is the first game where it showed on the scoresheet, as his line finished with a combined eight points. The success of the Higgins/Kesler/Raymond trio means that Mikael Samuelsson is likely going to get bumped to the third line when he returns from injury. With this in mind, and considering the third line already has two wingers, Alain Vigneault toyed yesterday with moving Hansen to center. It will be interesting to see if Hansen's pokecheck-rich game thrives with a bit more freedom, or if skating in the middle is akin to knocking Pokey's head off.

• Was anyone else suspicious of this Mayorov character? He claims to be a Blue Jackets' defenseman, but his name sounds made up. Adding "ov" onto established English words is how North Americans mimic Russians. This guy is clearly a deposed Ohio mayor who's gone into hiding under the guise of being a Russian hockey player. Thinking about it, the Columbus roster seems like a pretty good place to hide. If this works, expect the ploy to go mainstream, yielding such exilees as Senatorov and Chairmanofthehousov. And if it goes international, expected Derek Brassard to eventually find himself skating between Mubarakov and Gaddafov.

• Mason Raymond finished this game with 3 assists. To celebrate, he set an alarm and got up early to watch that famous Ohio sunrise.

• Early in the game, Dan Hamhuis suffered a concussion after both he and Kevin Bieksa tried to check Rick Nash at the same time. This is Hamhuis's second concussion this season and fourth of his career. That's scary stuff. Last time he was concussed, Hamhuis admitted he'd consider retirement rather than threaten his ability to enjoy life, post-hockey. Let's hope it doesn't come to that. On an ironic sidenote, this is the second time this week Hamhuis and Bieksa have collided while going for the cheque. The first time was yesterday at dinner. Dan "Community Man" Hamhuis always pays.

• The Canucks had 25 blocked shots in the game. That's 25 blocked shots too many this late in the season. Get the Hell out of the way. The worst was a first period penalty-kill where Ryan Kesler took a Jan Hejda shot off the left ankle and, while wincing in extreme pain, popped up and took a Jan Hejda shot off the right ankle. Were he in possession of a third ankle, you got the sense he would have blocked a shot with it. Kesler blocked four total shots in the game. Someone remind him that, if he breaks an ankle before the playoffs, no one will let him cut his feet off and play centre in a sledge.

• Keith Ballard blocked six shots, in direct disobedience to Alain Vigneault. For his misdeeds, he was punished with two minutes less icetime than Aaron Rome.

• Christian Ehrhoff blocks a lot of shots too (he blocked three yesterday) but it's worth noting he blocks most of them with his stick. Ehrhoff gets his stick in front of everything. Insert Charlie Sheen joke here. I won't stoop to Sheen. Insert porn star joke here.

• Speaking of Christian Ehrhoff, his goal (above) is created with some impressive vision and quick thinking. The moment Chris Higgins touches this puck, Ehrhoff notices that the Columbus checker up high has turned his back to him. In that instant, he sprints in from the blueline, where Raymond finds him with a nifty little backpass. Ehrhoff now has 48 points. Two more, and he'll be the first D-man to collect 50 since Jyrki Lumme. Hopefully he doesn't get there, though, because I'd like the Canucks to be able to afford him.

• Speaking of bad defensive zone breakdowns, why was nobody covering Henrik Sedin on the power play? Yeah, Henrik seems like a guy you'd want to watch in front. Who's got the reigning scoring champion? Meh. What a backhand, too. Henrik went top shelf, where Buzz keeps his life savings.

I Find This Photo Odd: Raymond & Kesler Are Besties

Mason Raymond and Ryan Kesler are such good buds--true besties--that they regularly engage in intense tickle fights, even at extremely inopportune times. Case in point: this photo was taken while the Canucks were trying to kill a penalty. If Dan "Community Man" Hamhuis wasn't such a good guy, he might have given them a piece of his mind.

Yeah, we find this photo odd. It kind of looks like they're tobogganing. Can you see it? Maybe you could see it better if we photoshopped it to look exactly like that. Here you go:

Some Canuck Fans Are Awful Human Beings

Canuck fans, upon hearing negative opinions regarding their team.

In the past few weeks, Kyle Wellwood, Mike Babcock, and Theo Fleury have all come under fire for some pretty offensive comments. Yes, unforgivable utterances, these. The things they said were so vile that it apparently became acceptable to forgo proper human decency and, instead, return their brutal statements with the worst slander, bigotry, and hatespeech Canucks fans could muster.

Just what did they say? Well, brace yourself. You see, each of them expressed skepticism that the Canucks' regular season dominance would extend into the playoffs.

Wellwood suggested the Canucks were too immature to handle playoff adversity. Babcock suggested Luongo might not have what it takes to lead the team to a Cup. Fleury suggested that, after coasting through the regular season, the Canucks were ripe for a first-round playoff upset. In truth, it was pretty harmless stuff, but the response from many Canuck fans was much less so.