Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Sami Salo is a Superhero

Sami Salo left practice on Friday (April 9th) after the team photo was taken and missed the Canucks final game of the regular season against the Calgary Flames. Rumours and scuttlebutt abounded, as the media’s imagination went wild with theories of groin strains, shoulder issues, and a return of his infamous “burning sensation.” Yesterday, he insisted that there was no injury, saying instead that the media “made that up” and that he was gone for “personal reasons…I couldn’t play against Calgary, but everything has all settled down. There wasn’t an injury if you guys want to know that."

So, if there was no injury, what actually happened? Iain MacIntyre of The Province points out that Salo often tells a different story than the coaching staff when it comes to injuries. In the 2007 playoffs he missed games with the flu according to Salo, and a torso injury according to Alain Vigneault. Salo quickly responded “While I was having the flu, I developed a torso injury.”

MacIntyre suggests that Salo’s trying to be a comedian, playing his multitude of injuries for laughs, but I think there’s a different answer. There’s a reason he can’t keep his story straight, saying it’s an injury one moment, the flu the next, or distracting people from his absence with the implication of an STD.

Sami Salo is secretly a superhero.

He fits neatly into the Clark Kent mold: by feigning a certain clumsiness and fragility, he deflects all suspicion. He can leave a hockey game at any moment to take care of a crisis and no one will question his absence, even if the supposed injury took place while taking a normal slap shot. It’s Sami Salo: of course he injured himself while taking a shot! Really? Are we to be fooled this easily?

It’s all too clear on the ice that Salo is a superb hockey player in peak physical condition. This massive list of injuries and missed days is far too convenient. It seems almost impossible that he could sustain this many injuries and remain such a great player. And the guise of a hockey player is perfect: he can used his enhanced strength and agility to excel on the ice (not too much, as that would be suspicious) and make a healthy living for himself. At the same time, the inherent physical nature of the game provides a ready made excuse whenever he needs to don his superhero mask and costume and save the day.

But with the playoffs approaching, I think it’s time that Sami Salo asked himself one question: what’s more important, saving the world or winning the Stanley Cup for the first time in Canucks history? I think it’s clear to everyone that the Stanley Cup should come first. It’s time for Sami Salo to remove the tights from underneath his Canucks sweater and stop holding back.


  1. "Oh, you said 'slap shot.' I thought you said I should fake an injury after my next 'snap shot.' "

  2. This is the funniest sh!t i have read in months.

  3. That last photo of Salo with the mask is pure awesome


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