I Find This Photo Odd: Raymond & Kesler Are Besties

Mason Raymond and Ryan Kesler are such good buds--true besties--that they regularly engage in intense tickle fights, even at extremely inopportune times. Case in point: this photo was taken while the Canucks were trying to kill a penalty. If Dan "Community Man" Hamhuis wasn't such a good guy, he might have given them a piece of his mind.

Yeah, we find this photo odd. It kind of looks like they're tobogganing. Can you see it? Maybe you could see it better if we photoshopped it to look exactly like that. Here you go:

Some Canuck Fans Are Awful Human Beings

Canuck fans, upon hearing negative opinions regarding their team.

In the past few weeks, Kyle Wellwood, Mike Babcock, and Theo Fleury have all come under fire for some pretty offensive comments. Yes, unforgivable utterances, these. The things they said were so vile that it apparently became acceptable to forgo proper human decency and, instead, return their brutal statements with the worst slander, bigotry, and hatespeech Canucks fans could muster.

Just what did they say? Well, brace yourself. You see, each of them expressed skepticism that the Canucks' regular season dominance would extend into the playoffs.

Wellwood suggested the Canucks were too immature to handle playoff adversity. Babcock suggested Luongo might not have what it takes to lead the team to a Cup. Fleury suggested that, after coasting through the regular season, the Canucks were ripe for a first-round playoff upset. In truth, it was pretty harmless stuff, but the response from many Canuck fans was much less so.

I Watched This Game: Canucks at Thrashers, March 25, 2011

Canucks 3 -1 Thrashers

Seemingly lacking in motivation, the Canucks were not what you would call "good" against the Thrashers. They were, however, good enough, which is all that was necessary. With the victory, the Canucks set a franchise record for points in a season, with 7 games still left to play. Unfortunately, Daniel Sedin had his point streak halted at 9 games and 16 points, but secondary and tertiary scoring stepped up to fill the void. And, despite the two-goal lead being the worst lead in hockey, the Canucks sat back, rolled their lines, and dared the Thrashers to come back. The Thrashers did not. I watched them fail. I watched this game:

• It should be awfully clear by now that the Sedins are terrible at penalty shots. With his first period failure, Daniel Sedin is now 0 for 4 in that situation in his career. You just know that Daniel wished he could decline the penalty shot in favor of the two-minute powerplay: Please can I have some teammates and opponents on the ice? Please? Actually, that's not a bad idea: in football you can refuse a penalty and take the result of the play instead. You should be able to refuse a penalty shot and take the powerplay instead, especially when you have the number one powerplay and your opponent has the worst penalty kill in the league.

• My theory on why the Sedins are ineffective in the shootout: one of their main weapons is their renowned patience. They constantly pass up what appear to be prime scoring chances in order to create better ones. A shootout is anathema to them: you get one chance, you can only skate in one direction, and there's no one to pass to. A Sedin with a penalty shot is a little like a mule with a spinning wheel.

• After five games without a point, Mason Raymond scored the opening goal with an assist from Raffi Torres and Chris Mason's five-hole. Torres makes a great play to intercept a pass in the defensive zone, attracts the attention of an overeager Johnny Oduya, slips a perfect pass to the streaking Raymond, then drives hard to the net, creating a perfect distraction for Chris Mason. Mark Stuart did a poor job taking away the pass, meaning Mason (of the Chris variety) had to stay open to the possibility of the pass. People will call this a weak goal and, to a certain extent, it is, but blame has to be put on the defense as well for playing the situation so poorly.

• Raymond's goal seemed to give him a shot of confidence with sugar on the rim. He seemed to be everywhere on the ice and seemed to be developing some chemistry with Chris Higgins, who was originally thought to be a potential replacement for Raymond. Instead, Samuelsson may find himself bumped down to the third line if Raymond and Higgins heat up. Higgins brings a very different set of skills to the second line, as he tends to work harder and play with more grit, where Samuelsson has more patience and vision. Vigneault may have a tough time valuing his options: should he go with the Black-Scholes model or the Heston model?

• Keith Ballard has figured out the secret to getting more icetime than Aaron Rome: play on the same pairing as him and skate more slowly to the bench. Ballard had a great game, making several key defensive plays early, hitting Daniel Sedin and Victor Oreskovich with perfect outlet passes, and finishing, with Rome, a game-high +2. He played 16:41, a full 37 seconds more than Rome. Clearly a big step.

• Victor Oreskovich showed tonight why Gillis wanted him included in the Ballard trade. He played a physical game, logging 2 hits and winning battles along the boards, but he also showed some deft hands, getting off 2 shots and making a number of nice passes. His setup of the Bolduc goal, however, was merely an okay pass, enabled by the perfect outlet by Ballard. Also an okay pass: Want to see my final four?

• So that covers the second and first assist: now to the goal itself. Alex "Howard Moon" Bolduc scored the eventual gamewinning goal with a gorgeous backhand. I haven't seen anyone with a backhand that devastating since Eve Cleary. Bolduc looked his absolute Moon-iest in his postgame interview with Dan Murphy, as seen above, not to be confused with my co-writer at PITB, who is at his Mooney-est at all times.

• Christian Ehrhoff had a bit of a rough game: his giveaway on the Thrashers' lone goal was thoroughly unfortunate. It did, of course, give Roberto Luongo another chance to put the Snack Goal Principle to work. While Mason Raymond came just short of a defensive play for the ages, Luongo instead decided to try falling over, an unorthodox goaltending technique to say the least. I don't think it will replace the butterfly anytime soon.

• Evander Kane was remarkable, so here's a remark: like an overzealous mob boss, he was putting a hit on everyone. He was only credited with 4 hits, while Dustin Byfuglien was credited with 6, but Kane's hits were certainly more noticeable. Kane was easily the best Thrasher, making an impact every time he stepped on the ice.

• Alex Burrows picked up his 22nd goal of the season with a shorthanded empty netter. Hurray!

• The subject of the first intermission feature was Dan "Community Man" Hamhuis, who looked kind and approachable in his nice suit with a golden tie. The last time he drew that much attention to himself was as a volunteer rodeo clown for the American Junior Rodeo when he played for Nashville.

• As pointed out by Harrison: this is the 12th time this season that a Canuck goalie has lost a shutout in the third period and the 8th time within the game's last ten minutes. It's the only reason Luongo isn't in the top 5 of every major goaltending category: he leads the league in wins and is third in GAA and SV%, but only has 3 shutouts. He made some simply unfair saves, as seen in the video above, some of them more absurd than a baby monkey riding backwards on a pig.

• Finally, because I know everyone will want to talk about it: the refs weren't great tonight. The Canucks did not get a single powerplay, despite there being many potential candidates, some provided by the Byfuglienian one himself, Dustin Byfuglien. That said, there's no conspiracy: the referees were not instructed to avoid giving the Canucks powerplays so that a team in a non-traditional hockey market wouldn't be embarrassed by the best team in the league. It would be career suicide for anyone in the NHL front office to try something like that as it would surely be leaked by someone. I can't imagine Gary Bettman or any of his cronies taking that kind of risk. Sometimes refs just do a bad job. It happens, especially in a meaningless game like this one.

More of Keith Ballard's Worst Pranks

You might recall from an earlier PITB piece that Ballard is a noted prankster; he just happens to be terrible at it. It's true. He's worse than Jeff Bridges. You also might recall that Atlanta, where the Canucks play tonight, is the site of his worst prank ever: a two-handed baseball swing to the mask of Florida goaltender Tomas Vokoun.

Obviously, bludgeoning your goaltender in the ear is a pretty ill-conceived prank, and Ballard's had a hard time living it down since he came to Vancouver. Recall this bit of ribbing from earlier in the year:

On the wall in the visitors room there often is taped a sheet for players to sign up for tickets for friends or family in the road city. Among the handful of requests for tickets to tonight's game, someone wrote K. Ballard in the 'donor' column and T. Vokoun under 'recipient.'

With that in mind, it was a no-brainer that a return to the scene of the crime would mean an uptick in jokes at his expense. His teammates have been giving it to him all day, pretending to break their sticks on the goal post in warmup, and providing awesome quotes like this one, courtesy Roberto Luongo (via Brad Zeimer):

"I try not to make eye contact with him at all," Luongo said. "He might snap at any second. Hopefully, he won't be on the ice when we get scored on."

It's pretty clear that everybody knows Keith Ballard is the sort of guy who can take a joke. Yesterday, Kevin Bieksa described Christian Ehrhoff as serious, focused, and "basically the opposite of Keith Ballard." In other words, Ballard's got a pretty solid sense of humour. Not since Marc Bergevin have the Canucks had a guy in the locker room so dedicated to keeping things light, and please keep that in mind the next time you rip the Ballard acquisition. He's an invaluable team guy who should really help the team come playoff time, when things get uncomfortably serious.

Keith Ballard brings the funny. If his impeccable comedic timing wasn't already apparent, consider this line, dryly delivered by Ballard when asked about the infamous baseball swing: "I'm fast so I would have got a double out of that."

If you think he's taking a pretty serious situation lightly, keep in mind that, when you prank as regularly and woefully as Keith Ballard does, you're going to have more than a few go a bit pear-shaped. You get used to it. Here, for example are ten more crummy Keith Ballard pranks you might not have known about:

The Canucks Are So Good, Alain Vigneault Might Even Get The Credit

The great irony of the Jack Adams award is that being the coach of the league's best team often precludes one from talk of being the league's best coach. Truth is, when there's no other possible explanation for a team's success, then the coach gets the credit. If, however, it's possible to attribute that success elsewhere (such as the team's makeup or star players) you're likely to hear very little about the man behind the bench.

The Jack Adams trophy typically goes to coaches who have led unimpressive teams to impressive records. Impressive, that is to say, considering how little was expected of them. It's an award predicated on exceeding expectations, not excelling. You measure where expectations were when you started, and contrast this with where the team winds up. The coach behind the greatest unexplained upswing gets the award.

This is one reason chatter regarding Alain Vigneault's coach of the year odds has been relatively nonexistent this year. Everyone expected the Canucks to be good: they've been the safe pick to win the West since the summer, and you don't win the Jack Adams simply by meeting expectations, however lofty. Considering Mike Babcock has never won the award, largely because his team, too, is merely ho-hum excellent, you'd think it was nearly impossible for the coach of a top-tier team to win. The team would have to dominate every major statistical category.

Amazingly, Alain Vigneault has emerged as a late-season frontrunner for the Jack Adams, because that's what the Canucks are doing.

I Find This Photo Odd: Acuvue Edition

What is Marc-Andre Fleury doing in this picture? Unless one of the Philadelphia Flyers made good on a threat and literally rearranged his face, he's shooting himself in the eye. Was it a snowshower he's washing off? Or maybe he got something in his eye?

Actually, no. I've done some investigation on this* and it comes from a very reliable source** that Fleury wears contact lenses and keeps a gatorade bottle of saline solution handy just in case they dry out. Apparently, they tend to get very dry.

Truly, no one realizes that a key disadvantage to playing for the NHL is you never see the commercials during your games, which means Fleury missed out on the Acuvue commercials. Someone should let him know about them -- those Oasys lenses stay hydrated longer. Maybe he won't have to shoot himself in the eye so often. That kind of burst in the eye is dangerous. You can lose your contact lens, and then all the linesmen are down on all fours trying to help you find it.

Plus if he gets better contact lenses, he can have a gatorade bottle full of actual gatorade there. I'm told goaltenders can get thirsty and that saline solution doesn't help you hydrate.

*No I haven't
**No it doesn't

Who Do the Canucks Want to Face in the First Round?

With the Canucks having sewn up their spot in the playoffs via a clever combination of playing in the terrible Northwest division and being the best team in the NHL, the time has come to consider who the Canucks will face in the playoffs. With a comfortable 10 point lead on the Red Wings for first place in the Conference, the Canucks could safely go .500 over their remaining 8 games and still be guaranteed top spot. So let's look at the teams that could end up in the 8th spot and face the Canucks in the first round.

Mathematically, there are still 12 teams that could potentially finish in 8th. Still, it's safe to say that the Red Wings and the Sharks won't be taking such a drastic fall. Similarly, the Blues, Blue Jackets, and Wild are unlikely to make improbable runs to the playoffs over their few remaining games. That still leaves 7 viable teams who could wind up facing the Canucks in the first round: the Coyotes, Blackhawks, Kings, Predators, Ducks, Stars, or Flames. Which of those teams would be an ideal match-up for the Canucks? Obviously, the Canucks don't need to be afraid to face any team this postseason, but which team would be preferable?

I Watched This Game: Canucks at Red Wings, March 23, 2011

Canucks 2 - 1 Red Wings

Anyone hoping for another game of the year candidate between the two best teams in the Western Conference was likely a little let down by last night's affair, which saw both teams play hard--just not too hard. With only ten games to go in the regular season, the Canucks and the Red Wings have begun looking forward to the playoffs, which means approaching these final matches cautiously and ensuring everyone is healthy and ready for the next set of games that will matter. Unsurprisingly, then, this game was decided by who played and who didn't, as Pavel Datsyuk's absence rendered Detroit notably less dangerous, and Daniel Sedin's presence, after rushing back to join the team for reasons of his own, made the difference. Dank scored both Vancouver goals. And, just as Daniel was determined to play in this game, I was equally determined to watch it. The good news is that we both succeeded. I watched this game:

• How can you tell the outcome of this game was secondary to injury avoidance while playing it? The piddly number of blocked shots. Detroit and Vancouver had a measly 13 between them. The Canucks had four. Two of those were attributed to Alex Bolduc, which makes a lot of sense. Bolduc is likely the only player in the Canucks lineup with any motivation to block shots. He'll be lucky if he gets many more chances to prove be should be part of the playoff roster; he's got no choice but to tempt fate and try to impress. Meanwhile, the Red Wings had nine blocked shots, but four of them were from Niklas Kronwall, who apparently didn't get the memo. This might be the only time of the year when coaches are begging players not to sacrifice their bodies, and guys are diving away from shots like synchronized swimmers.

• Speaking of Alex Bolduc, do you think he should send Gord Miller a box of chocolates with a captioned photo of himself at the bottom? For the entirety of the night, Miller kept calling him Andre. That is incorrect. "Alex" is Bolduc's first name. "Andre" is a precocious baby sea lion.

• Roberto Luongo was fantastic, as he has been for much of the season. After a slow start to the year, likely attributed to the adjustments called for by new goalie coach Rollie Melanson, Funny Bob has been fairly consistent all year. Courtesy Jason Botchford: he hasn't been pulled once in 2011, and he's let in 4 goals only one time. Luongo is now first in the NHL in wins, third in SV%, fourth in GAA, and leading the Canucks towards a first ever Jennings trophy. Put succinctly: he's good. In last night's affair, he made 39 saves, (several of the category amazeballs) and he kept the Canucks in the game during a one-sided first period and a few intense third-period assaults. He appears to be on his game heading into the playoffs, and this can only be a good thing, unless it turns out his game is shuffleboard.

• Don't get me started on his lack of shutouts. It should be obvious to everyone that Luongo always purposefully lets in one, so the team won't be too hungry next time. It's called The Snack Goal Principle.

• You'd have thought Daniel Sedin would be jet-lagged or something, but the in-flight movie was The Last Airbender, so he got a lot of sleep. One day after his wife gave birth to a new baby girl, Daniel scored both the opening goal and the game-winner, proving that witnessing the miracle of life makes you a better hockey player. Someone send Toronto a DVD of Knocked Up. With the two points, Daniel pushed his lead over Steven Stamkos to nine, impressed the Eastern Hart voters who only watch games in their time zone, and, more importantly, maintained the seven-point gap between he and that gloryhog Henrik. Daniel's first goal, banked off the skate of Niklas Lidstrom (akin to dunking on Lebron James), was the 12th time this season he's potted the game's first goal. No wonder he has more kids than his brother; he initiates more scoring.

• The best goal of the game was the Canucks' powerplay game-winner (above). Take some time to watch what all five members do. Salo and Ehrhoff pass the puck back and forth, trying to open up lanes for a point shot. They both get a clear shot, but neither gets through. When the Wings look to get the puck out, Salo pinches, Ehrhoff takes off to the red line to cover him. Kris Draper gets to the puck, he sees Salo coming. Worse, Henrik has already gotten into his clearing lane, so he turns back, then makes a poor clearing attempt, which Henrik recovers anyway. While all of is going on, Ryan Kesler is causing absolute havoc in front. First, he topples over Jimmy Howard, causing Howard to lose his stick. No call, because Howard's way out of his crease and he initiates the contact by diving for the puck. Then, Kesler takes Brad Stuart's legs out with a subtle drive-by trip. No call again, because conspiracies against the Canucks are topped only by conspiracies against the Red Wings. Niklas Kronwall tries to shade over and take away a pass to Kesler, but this opens up a stupid amount of room for Henrik and Daniel, who just pound away with the same cross-ice pass and one-timer until there's simply too much chaos to overcome, and the puck goes in. Color me impressed. And Badd.

• I wonder if there was ever a plan to ease Kevin Bieksa back into the lineup, because if there was, someone screwed up bigtime. Juice played the most minutes of any Canuck at 23:19, immediately returning to his top pairing with Dan Hamhuis. Bieksa played excellent, although he looked a little shaky on his skates, at times, including one icing call where Valteri Filppula gave him a late nudge and he fell into the boards. The best part of that incident was when the two linesman skated in to separate the men, and Bieksa, while standing right between them, slashed Filppula in the calf. Are you surprised? This is a guy who punched out a teammate during his first training camp. Kevin "Stagger Lee" Bieksa would shoot a man in a crowded saloon in a dispute over a hat. He's so badass.

• Bieksa did get a reprieve from the night's toughest assignment, however, as Dan "Community Man" Hamhuis took Bieksa's regular job of battling with Tomas Holmstrom in front. He did an admirable job, too, twice alleviating Detroit zone pressure by taking Holmstrom off the ice with a penalty. It was nice of Hamhuis to give Bieksa the night off; he took a beating for him, much like the time he recovered that old lady's purse from that unruly street gang, or the time he saved that young woman from those pipe wrench-wielding thugs.

• Victor Oreskovich had a good game, highlighted by one stellar 2nd period shift during which he set up three quality scoring chances from behind the net. First he muscled out in front for two shots. Then he made a beautiful centring pass. Then when the puck came back to him, he made a tape-to-tape pass to the point. This is likely the only time Oreskovich will ever receive this adjective, but it was positively Malkinesque. Nothing came of it, but it was nice to see flashes of NHL hands from the big man. That said, because they were under gloves, we don't know that they were actually his hands. They could have been the devil's hands. I've seen this before. Has he suddenly improved at playing the holophonor?

• Ryan Kesler was the big faceoff winner, going 13-for-18 in the circle, including 11-for-13 in the offensive zone. Curiously, however, he didn't take a single draw in the neutral zone. Apparently Kesler, like sparkling wine, is only for special occasions. Of the 12 faceoffs between the blue lines, Henrik took six, and Lapierre and Bolduc took three apiece.

• Raffi Torres had three hits, but you'd think he was out for the season too. I feel like I haven't seen him since Malhotra went down. He clearly drew a lot of confidence from playing with Manny, and now he's going to have to dig deep and discover it was inside him all along, or something. But Manny Malhotra died over thirty years ago...

• With the win over Detroit, the Canucks only need to win three of their final eight to win the Western Conference. It seems a foregone conclusion at this point, especially since they still haven't dropped two consecutive regulation games since November, and even alternating wins and losses to keep this trend alive means they'll win four. May as well start stitching that banner.