Sometimes, Jeff Tambellini gets the puck in his Magic Shooty Spot, an hypermagical vortex of wonder just above the dot by the right side boards, wherefrom a Tambellini shot equals instant goalification. No one knows why he possesses a connection to this glorious patch of universe, but legend has it, one night, Tambellini dreamt of a darkened arena, and there encountered a hockey demon. Legend further tells of a fight to the death with that same unspeakable hockey evil, won by Tambellini. He won, so says the myth, on that very spot, collapsing the cretinous hockey demon's face with a blow so true his fist went through the walls of three separate planes of existence. The being became a limpid pool of forgotten glory on that very spot, forever imbuing it with a dark imp magic only he who vanquished could know. Anyway, that's just what I've heard. The results speak for themselves:
Exhibit A: Tambellini versus Oilers
Exhibit B: Tambellini versus Red Wings
Exhibit C: Tambellini versus Sharks (preseason)
I heard once, that Tambellini hired the one and only Dr. Witch-doctor to give him a sniper's shot from anywhere on the ice. Of course, the Doctor twisted the request to give him a great shot from one random place on the ice. He them prompted Tambellini to throw a dart at a rink shaped board to pick the magic spot. Tambellini's body was then inhabited by the spiritual projection of Dart Champion Ray van Barneveld (who's a huge hockey fan) and he hit a bullseye (naturally) on the circle to the left of the net. It's the truth! I swear! Nothing but! Nothing but!
ReplyDeleteThe way he skates down the wing and rips that shot, it's almost as if someone forgot to tell him he's not Markus Naslund.
ReplyDelete"The being became a limpid pool of forgotten glory on that very spot, forever imbuing it with a dark imp magic only he who vanquished could know"
ReplyDeleteSo the tale goes, when Tambellini looks upon that very spot on the rink, he sees not the face off circle and dot, but a cruel array of pentagrams and daemonic runes, slick with the slain demons remains.
@Wisp Nice.
ReplyDeleteMy only regret is that I didn't use the old-school "daemon." How many times do you get a chance to use an ash on a blog?
There's actually a steaming pile of bad karma in that spot that Mark Messier left behind. Tambellini is the first guy since Markus Näslund to know how to tap into this precious resource for good rather than evil.
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